


Coming Home

by Plechka



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: But angst lurks in every corner, F/M, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, It looks so fluffy!, Kisses, Life is unfair, May is trying to find him, Maybe more if you ask nicely, Phil is in space alone, Space Angst, Space brooding, Space cuddling, Space fluff, space romance, will it ever work for them?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-16
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2018-12-03 00:17:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 49,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11520531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Plechka/pseuds/Plechka
Summary: On Earth, Melinda thought about her relationship with Phil. At first, she had welcomed his suggestion of taking things slowly. But now, missing him dearly, all she could think was that she didn’t want to wait anymore. If--when she found him, she would take the next step and make sure they didn’t add more regrets to their ever-growing list.In space, Phil’s mind kept going back to Melinda and the fact that he never got a chance to say goodbye. "Is she looking for me? Does she think I’m dead?" He wondered. No, he knew that she would never give up on him. He had to find a way to reach out to her and tell her he was alive. Tell her how he felt.





	1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

 

He frowned as he stared at the report in front of him. Minutes ticked by and he continued reading the words in front of him until his blurring vision forced him to seek a dark reprieve to the light of the screen. Rubbing his closed eyes with the fingers of his right hand, he took this opportunity to rest his tired mind. It was late and he had been working on planning this mission for almost twenty-four hours. As the exhaustion of the day began to wash over him, a dull headache crawling through his skull, he knew that he would have to stop soon. But not yet, there was still much to be done.    

 

Every day he threw himself at work, something that rang familiar and comforting. He toiled for hours on end, pausing only to attend to his basic bodily needs, and finished his days collapsing on the uncomfortable bunk that was assigned to him. But he didn’t complain. This was something he could do--he thrived in times of chaos. The rush of being needed, of having a purpose, kept him going through most physical discomforts. That was how it had always been. His approach had always been to work without pause, confining his life to four walls of his duty. Except this time, he had someone waiting for him back home. _She is my home._ The thoughts cast a constant shadow on his mind, became a weight upon his shoulders. They crushed his chest, stole his breath and brought him bittersweet pain.

  
Pushing the thoughts of _her_ away--something he had been doing more and more lately--he tried to concentrate on the matter at hand. Admittedly, despite the less than ideal circumstances of his voluntary captivity, his mind was more engaged than it had ever been before. He was constantly on alert, deflecting threats, solving puzzles, and applying two lifetimes worth of experience to problems and situations he had never dreamed of encountering.

  
As he put the finishing touches to the mission plan in front of him, he sighed in relief. His work today would save the world from a threat that had been looming for decades and that none of his predecessors had been able to resolve. Pride rising in his chest, he wished he could share his success with someone, _a particular_ someone _._ Instead, he rose from his chair and headed to his room, where a cold and lonely bunk awaited.

  
  
* * *

  
She stared at the files scattered in front of her and she felt her muscles tightening in anger and frustration. Nothing. Her patience was nearly depleted. Poring over the evidence she had collected, she suddenly felt the need to punch something or someone. Instead, she took a few deep breaths to control her emotions and turned back to the task at hand.

 

It had been months and there was still no sign of him. Following up leads and clues over and over again, she was slowly driving herself mad, but she never lost hope that she would find him alive. Hope was all that was left. Wherever he was, she knew that he was doing his part to stay alive and come back to her. Holding on to his promise like a lifeline, she carried on, expecting different outcomes from the same actions.

  
Every time she almost lost him she felt the regrets bubbling to the surface, pulsating under her skin. But this time, after she had allowed herself to imagine a future with him, the regrets hit her hard and left her breathless. She was so close to him--to all of him--that losing him now hurt more than ever before. At first, she had welcomed his suggestion of taking things slowly. Unsure if they could survive a relationship, she wanted to savor the small things before moving on to the bigger ones. Knowing their feelings were mutual, she could look through their shared history and cast many of their moments together in a new light. That way she was able to piece together a relationship that was filled with a romantic significance she missed the first time around. But she could only do so much without him by her side. More than anything, she needed confirmation that he loved her as much as she loved him. Now, missing him dearly, all she could think was that she didn’t want to wait anymore. If--when she found him, she would take the next step and make sure they didn’t add more regrets to their ever-growing list.

  
She would tell him, without mincing words, that she loved him and that she wanted to be with him. That’s why she had to find him.

 

With only one path left untaken, she went searching for Nick Fury.

* * *  
  
In the dead of night, Phil was drawn from a fitful slumber once more, recurring dreams haunting his mind, like ghosts of the past. The ones in which Melinda was his partner, his lover, his everything. This one had been particularly cruel--it showed him an idle life outside the dangerous world in which they had met. They lived in a house in the suburbs, with flower beds and an outdoor grill. Lola was in the garage. A dog curled up by the fireplace. This dream had felt so real that he was genuinely confused when he opened his eyes and found himself alone on a too small metal bunk and surrounded by an oppressive silence. He decided to get up and go for a walk instead of sitting in bed thinking about that dream and everything he had left behind. This was his choice after all.

Walking around the base did nothing to distract him from his thoughts of Melinda. His mind kept going back to her and the fact that he never got a chance to say goodbye. _Is she looking for me? Does she think I’m dead?_ He wondered. No, he knew Melinda and she would never give up on him. The thought of her running in circles on Earth trying to find him made his heart both swell and break. If only he could reach out to her. But alas, the people responsible for his captivity were not pleased about having to hunt him down, and as a result they cut all his communications with Earth until they felt they could trust him. He was stranded in space for the foreseeable future. The best thing he could do was keep working to gain their trust and hope that he could send word to Melinda or even see her briefly again.

 

Since walking did little to help him avoid these thoughts, Phil headed to the command center to review the new tips he had received from the inhuman Royal Family. A young inhuman in their care could see large-scale disasters before they happened. So far he had been able to prevent two intergalactic conflicts from reaching Earth thanks to this information. As he flipped through the files, Phil began preparing strategies to deflect these looming threats and assembling the teams that would run these missions.

 

As the Man on the Wall (now called Special Operations Commander because who genders a job title anymore?) Phil had at his disposal a number of highly trained special operatives and a great deal of human and alien technology. The base he inhabited in deep space was mostly built with alien technology and was funded by a conglomerate of the richest people on Earth, the Benefactors. He only had one mission: to protect the world from any and all extraterrestrial threats. There were no limits on his actions and no one to oversee his decisions. No laws applied to him. He just had to fulfill his mission and he would continue to receive all the resources he needed. The only constraint they imposed was that no one on Earth should know about him or his mission. He was to do all his work from the shadows and that suited him just fine.

  
* * *

  
“Fury, spit it out. Where’s Coulson?” Melinda’s tone was harsh and unforgiving. They were alone in one of Nick Fury's safe houses, well away from civilization and prying eyes and ears. A cabin in the middle of the woods in flyover country. A few pieces of rustic furniture were the only witnesses to this conversation.

  
“May, how are you? I am doing fine, thanks for asking,” Nick Fury said sarcastically. He then let out a breathy laugh. “I was wondering how long it was going to take you to come to me. I am pleased to see that SHIELD trained you well.” He remained seated in his reclining chair and motioned for her to sit in the couch across from him. She ignored his gesture.

  
“Spit. It. Out. Where is he? What did you do with him? One minute my team was being detained at a diner by unidentified operatives, and the next we are waking up at a secure SHIELD facility off the radar, with no sign of Phil. It’s been _six months_ , Fury.” She barely tried to contain the note of desperation at the end of that statement.

  
“Where is the rest of your team?” he asked, deflecting her questions and catching her off guard.

  
After breaking eye contact, she clasped her hands, looking forlorn. “They are focused on rebuilding SHIELD right now; they will come help me when I have a more concrete lead.” She hated explaining this because it felt like betrayal, knew that Phil would have never given up if it had been one of them in his position.

  
Even Daisy, the new Director of SHIELD, had told Melinda that they couldn’t continue to devote so much time and resources to this fruitless search for Coulson. But Daisy added that if Melinda could track down some promising leads, she would gain the backing of SHIELD--for whatever that was worth. Fitzsimmons were busy rebuilding the science and technology branch of SHIELD and fixing their relationship from the ravages of the Framework. Mack and Yoyo were hard at work reestablishing the Academy and adding a special curriculum for inhumans wishing to join SHIELD. Only Melinda had refused to give up,had continued her search alone, in her own time, and with her own resources. She would much rather go broke and call in every favor she was owed than give up on finding Phil. _Her Phil._

  
“You two are truly devoted to each other. It’s inspiring, really. After the Bahrain mission, Phil would not leave your side, even when you refused his help and pushed him away. That, I expected. But I really didn’t expect him to turn down three different promotions to stay in D.C. with you--I told him that he was harming his career but he wouldn’t listen.” At that, Melinda’s eyes widened slightly in surprise. Fury seemed to know that this information was news to her and was enjoying having the upper hand, the ability to control the conversation. “In the years since then, I’ve come to see that his trust was not misplaced. You’ve saved him more times than I can count. But even you can’t bring him back to Earth, Agent May.”

  
She was stunned into silence. Finally, after giving herself some time to process that information, she finally growled, “Where the hell is he?!” Nick Fury was insinuating that Phil--her partner and the love of her life--was not on Earth and that information was deeply unsettling. Her hands tightly held onto the back of the chair in front of her, her knuckles whitening at her grip.

  
“Well, to tell you the truth, I’m not exactly sure where he is. I do know that he is outside this galaxy, but other than that, I can’t tell you much more,” he said matter-of-factly, as if that would answer her question fully.

  
A million thoughts and questions swirled around Melinda’s mind at the same time, but the most important one fought its way out first. “Is he alive?”

  
“Yes, May. He is alive and well. You don't need to worry about him," he assured her, giving Melinda a knowing look.  

  
“You better start talking, Fury. You obviously know what is happening to him and why and I am losing my patience with your little games. You are going to tell me what is going on and how I can bring him back right this second, _or else_ ...” Melinda trailed off while squaring her shoulders, clenching her jaw, and digging her nails into her palms. She was coiled and ready to attack.

  
“Or else what, Agent May?” Fury dared, narrowing his eye and sitting forward on his chair, bracing himself for a challenge.

  
“I am not currently a SHIELD agent and I am not above torturing this information out of you--former director or not. You know what I am capable of and the lengths I will go to find Coulson. So, _start talking_ ,” she said in a quiet tone that was steeped in danger, spitting the last two words through clenched teeth.

  
“Coulson is in deep space occupying an important role for the safety of this world. I can’t go into the details of his position, or the organization involved, but I can say that his work is very important and that he will help protect this world from threats that you cannot even imagine. As part of his job, he has to stay in deep space until he dies or finds a suitable replacement. If all goes well, maybe he’ll visit you within the next few years.” He sounded almost sad as he reached that last sentence.

 

Melinda’s world slowly started to collapse. Her heart was beating wildly out of control, her palms were sweating and she felt her legs starting to weaken. The panic rising in her chest immediately took her back to the day Fury told her about Phil’s death. _I can’t lose him again!_ She started to feel that pain again. Like her heart was being ripped out of her chest. No, it wasn’t her heart anymore. It belonged to Phil. _And he’s gone_.


	2. Chapter 2

At the sound of the loud alarm, Coulson released a breath that he didn’t even realize he had been holding. The mission was over. He watched through the surveillance system as the door of the dock opened and his operatives walked into the base, a couple of them injured, all visibly shaken and completely exhausted. _But alive_. The thought brought him a sense of triumph. Their success was apparent--they had saved the day without a single casualty and had managed to limit the collateral damage. Coulson’s shoulders sagged as he leant back in his chair and closed his eyes. The stress and weariness washed over him like a tidal wave crashing against the shore.

  
It went well. It went _really_ well. This was a particularly difficult mission that required all of his operatives, engaged in multiple fronts. He would have gone with them, but he was best suited to conduct from away, keeping an eye on all the moving parts. That meant that he hadn’t slept in four days, but all that mattered was that the Earth was safe. His team was safe. _Melinda_ was safe. In his moments of greatest doubt, he often thought that his mission translated to protecting them. Protecting _her_. It always gave him the energy to press on.

He sighed, head bowed and eyes closed until John, his deputy, entered the command center holding a tablet and looking worried. “Phil, I know you’ve been working on this mission for the last few days and that you probably need to sleep, but we just received a new tip from the Royal Family and we need to start preparing a team to be deployed in two days.”

Phil took a moment to let the information sink in. _Shit_. “But… our operatives, they’re not conditioned to engage in another mission so soon. The ones who were not injured won’t be combat-ready for at least another week. Maybe more. This last mission was _extremely_ physically demanding,” Coulson said this while holding his head in his hands and leaning his elbows on his knees. There was no use in telling John this--by the look on his face, the man knew this already. “John, what can we do?”

“Well, I recall one other instance when something like this happened to Fury while he was in your shoes and he did something very unorthodox that worked.” Coulson’s head picked up at these words and he looked at his elderly deputy in the eyes. “He recruited top operatives from the best military and spy organizations in the world and brought them to the base to serve as temporary envoys. He prepared them, sent them on the mission and returned them to Earth afterwards.”

“Ok, that is something I can work with,” Coulson said after considering this new information, his mind already working on strategies to select a suitable team. “You’ve looked at the mission information, what kind of operatives do we need?” 

“We will be outgunned approximately 20 to 1, but in this particular mission it will be in our best interest to send a small team of six or seven operatives. All should be skilled pilots to ensure their escape and the success of the mission. That means that we’ll need pilots with highly developed combat skills, who can perform well under extreme pressure. I am already assembling a list of soldiers, spies, and agents from Earth who fit that criteria. You’ll just have to select our men.” 

“And women,” Coulson responded before he could even register that he was speaking out loud. Upon hearing what they were looking for, his thoughts had immediately drifted to one person in particular, who happened to fit the bill perfectly. _Melinda May_. His heart started beating faster. What if he could bring her to the base as a temporary envoy and explain to her what happened? It would mean putting her in danger and he didn’t want to do that. But he wasn’t sure when he would be able to reach her otherwise. “Narrow down the list to 30 and bring it to my quarters in a few hours. I’ll select a nine operatives form that list. But for now, I need to sleep.”  
  
On the way to his room, Coulson’s mind started working in overdrive. If he picked her, he could see May again and explain his sudden disappearance to her. That and finally come clean about his feelings to avoid the regrets that plagued him every night. Maybe even kiss her. _The real her_. He suddenly didn’t want to spend another minute away from her, the loneliness of the last six months crashing down upon his weary heart.

His mind was already made up.

* * *  
  
Melinda unlocked the door and stepped inside, carefully wiping her feet on the welcome mat by the entrance. Even in the dark, the house still looked cozy and inviting. There was a fine layer of dust on the furniture and the floor betraying its lack of inhabitants. She slowly climbed up the curving stairs to the second floor and walked into the second room on the right--the only room she ever entered. Inside were a twin-sized bed covered in a blue comforter, a small wooden desk, an old telescope next to the only window in the room, and a bookcase full of books and childish knickknacks. There were Captain America posters on the walls and WWII model airplanes hanging from the ceiling.  
  
This was Phil's childhood bedroom, in the house where he was born and raised. After his mother died, he kept the house exactly as it was and paid a neighbor to keep an eye on it and clean it periodically. A relic of the past. Phil used to come here when he felt lost or when he needed to regroup. More than once he had invited her to stay with him after a particularly difficult mission. Following Phil’s untimely death, she found out that he had left it to her in his will along with all of his property and effects. Her first course of action had been to reach out to the neighbor to continue keeping the house clean. She still held title to the house because Phil was never legally resurrected and could not regain ownership of it. Since his disappearance, she had been coming here every few weeks to feel closer to him--there was nothing else that remained of him in this world after the Playground had been destroyed and he had been abducted.         
  
_He is alive. He is alive. He is alive._

She was trying to suppress the disappointment and impotence she felt. Although Fury had given her answers, he insisted that he didn’t know how she could reach Phil while he was in space. Fury was the last person in Phil’s position, but he had retired and had been cut off from base communications. She didn’t know anyone who could get her to deep space or who could even find the exact location of Phil’s base. Fury said that maybe Phil would be able to come back to Earth for short visits in a few years. A few years of waiting and hoping that he could come home. _But what if he didn’t?_ Would she wait for the rest of her life? _Yes, always_. She would never give up on Phil and she didn’t think she could love anyone after him. She had already loved him for over half her life.

  
The sound of the front door opening brought her back from her thoughts and put her on edge. The neighbor wasn't due to clean again for a few more days, so she immediately knew that this could be trouble. She grabbed her weapon and moved closer to the stairs to observe the intruder. Her mind ran through all potential exits and she took stock of everything around her that could be used as a weapon or a shield. She had already formed plans of attack depending on how many assailants were involved. On the back of her mind, she wondered whether this was related to her or to Phil, but her primary focus was survival.

Crouching down near the top of the stairs Melinda waited for the intruder to step inside. Soon, the sound of footsteps reverberated throughout the empty house, accompanied by the creaking of the wooden floor. She heard only one assailant. Taking refuge in the darkness that enveloped the house, she moved closer to stairs to steal a glimpse at the intruder. From her vantage point, she could see two legs clad in blue trousers and combat boots. Her muscles tensed and warmed, ready to act at a moment’s notice. Her heartbeat quickened and her chest was filled with the familiar drumming of adrenaline pumping through her veins. Yet Melinda was perfectly still. As the intruder took a few more steps forward, the living room was filled with an eerie blue light that pulsed in a strange pattern. Her blood cooled and she shivered. Fear tightened its grip.

The intruder kept advancing at a steady pace until she saw that it was an older man dressed in combat gear. The flickering blue light that filled the room was coming from a strange metallic bracelet on his right wrist that was casting surreal shadows throughout the house. Her hand tensed around her weapon, readying herself for a fight. She felt exposed in her current location but didn’t want to risk moving and drawing his attention. The man stopped walking when he spotted Melinda crouching by the stairs and raised both hands in a sign of non-aggression. The light of the bracelet illuminated his face and she could see his features clearly. He was perhaps in his sixties and looked well groomed. The only sign that he may be a threat were his combat clothes.

In a loud voice, he declared, “Melinda May, I am unarmed and I am just here to talk. Please lower your weapon. I bring news of Phillip Coulson.”

  
At his words, Melinda froze. She had no reason to believe that this man truly had news from Phil, but she also had no other leads and her hope was hanging on by a thread. Slowly descending the stairs, she closed the distance between them and scrutinized this stranger. His expression was calm and he appeared to be unarmed, but she was unsure about the bracelet he wore. She stopped ten steps away from him and lowered her weapon, her finger lingering on the trigger. Worst case scenario she could get hurt or killed; best case scenario she could see Phil again.  

Melinda would take her chances.  
  
“Who are you? How did you find me?” Her hands were still tightly clutching her weapon and her mind still ran through possible confrontation scenarios.  
  
“My name is John and I am currently working with Phil on a very important mission. I knew where to find you because he told me that you could be here, and here you are,” John smiled, gesturing to the house. “We need your help, Agent May. We need pilots with your combat and operational skills and Phil thought you’d be a perfect candidate. If you agree to participate in this mission, I’ll take you to him _right now_ ,” he emphasized.       
  
Melinda barely had time to register her shock before she felt a rush of hope course through her veins. She knew that this could still be a trap, but the promise of seeing Phil again was clouding her judgment and making her head spin.  
  
“Where _is_ Phil? Why didn’t he come get me himself?” she asked, failing to conceal her excitement. She could hear her heartbeat drumming in her ears and had a hard time suppressing the smile that threatened to appear at the mention of his name.  
  
“Well, this might be a little hard for you to believe, but it’s true. Phil is at a base in space working to keep the Earth safe,” John began uncertainly, looking at her face for any sign of incredulity. “He couldn’t come himself because he is considered a flight risk at the moment and he does not have access to the teleportation batteries or passports.” At that last word, he signaled to his glowing bracelet. “For the same reason, his communications with Earth have been severely restricted. So the only way for him to send you a message would be for someone else to personally deliver it. And until now, there were no official reasons to do so.”  
  
John’s version so far matched the account that Fury had given her, so Melinda’s shoulders relaxed slightly and her finger lifted from the trigger of her gun. _Can he really take me to Phil? Is this real?_ With those thoughts circling around her mind, she had a hard time maintaining her stoic expression and concentrating on this conversation. “I need proof that Phil sent you.” Melinda was ecstatic but that didn’t mean that she was stupid or careless.  
  
John smiled. “I would have been disappointed if you hadn’t asked for proof, Agent May. Phil wanted me to tell you that he’s still sorry he opened the bottle of Haig without you. He promises that when you get to the base he will apologize for that _at length_ ,” John stressed, thinly veiling the amusement in his voice.

  
Melinda’s heart warmed at the words; she could practically hear Phil saying them in that voice that drove her wild. And hearing something they hadn’t shared with anyone else and a phrase they liked to use with each other had the desired effect of allaying her doubts. It wasn’t perfect proof by any means, but she would take it. She needed this to be real. _I have to find him._  
  
“So, when do we leave?” Melinda offered, this time failing to contain the smile that grew over her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks to the wonderful elle_you_oh for her help with this! 
> 
> I hope you are enjoying my first fic! And if you liked it or have some feedback, drop me a comment! :)


	3. Chapter 3

Pacing around his quarters, Phil’s palms were sweaty and his heart was beating wildly against his chest. A small bunk, carved into the grimy wall opposite the window, and two metal chairs were his only companions in the room. It was barren and made him feel a little claustrophobic, but it was all he’d get for now. He wasn’t allowed to go unaccompanied into the Continuum Cortex—the area where they kept the teleportation batteries—so he had decided to wait for John in his own quarters.

His mind was a mess of jumbled thoughts he couldn’t control, but he still tried to avoid thinking about Melinda; he didn’t want to get his hopes up. For all he knew, she had moved on during the six months he had been away. Maybe she had balked at the prospect of joining him in space for an indeterminate period of time to complete a mystery mission. Perhaps John hadn’t found her. Or she didn’t believe him. There was no way for him to know until John came back, and the uncertainty was killing Phil. _I have to see her, just once more. Please._ He tried valiantly to stop himself from thinking, to halt those thoughts from spiraling once more toward a darker place, but he was failing. Walking another short lap around his room, he paused to take in the the stars and asteroids outside his window. That view never failed to take his breath away.

This was his doing, Phil was well aware of that. But he couldn’t help but rebel against life for making him choose to give up something before he had it, before he could really appreciate what he was surrendering. Had he known all those years ago what he would be sacrificing today, he wouldn’t be standing where he was. He’d be on Earth, with _her._ Most of all, he was enraged about the choice he took away from Melinda--his decision affected her just as much as it did him. A future together was impossible and yet, here he was, pacing around his room, trying to prolong the illusion that he controlled his fate. _This is temporary_. He kept telling himself that this visit--if it happened--was both to save the world and to give Melinda piece of mind, to help her move on. This wasn’t supposed to be about him, but he was powerless to stop the fluttering in his stomach when his mind drifted to her. He needed her more than he had needed anything or anyone before.      
  
John had been out for a few hours and Phil spent the entire time pacing in quarters, lost in his chaotic thoughts. Once or twice he thought about going for a swim at the base lap pool to rid himself of some nervous energy, but he wanted to be there whenever John returned. Whatever the news, Phil needed to know right away. The wait was killing him.

Just when he felt like he physically couldn’t wait any longer, the sound of the doorbell ringing interrupted his thoughts. Phil braced himself. Trying to contain the hammering in his chest, he stepped toward the door. As he opened it, he found John standing immediately in front of him with an unreadable expression on his face. Phil could see no one else with him. His heart was in freefall and his ears began to ring. _She didn’t come._ Though he had been preparing himself for this scenario these last few hours, the pain was searing and merciless. He felt the sting of tears in the corners of his eyes. Just then, his heart stopped when he saw a smiling Melinda stepping out from behind John.  
  
John cleared his throat and asked, “Ahem, Phil? Can we come in?”  
  
As if in a daze, Phil stepped away from the door and gestured for them to enter, never taking his eyes off of Melinda. The gaze that met his wore an intense expression that made his head spin. For a brief moment he thought this was a hallucination or a dream because he had never seen such a big, bright smile on Melinda’s face in all the years he had known her. The force of his love for her still amazed him after all that time, but in that instant he was taken aback by the wave of need that flooded his chest. There was nothing that he wanted more than to pull her into his arms, but he couldn’t do that in front of John. Hell, he didn’t even know if she would be receptive to such an open display of affection, and he had to be careful not to push past her boundaries. Did she even want him to hug her at all?

Phil recognized the black leather jacket she wore as the one that he gave her for her first birthday on the bus. A selfish gift; he always thought she looked amazing in leather. Her beautiful hair was down and around her shoulders and he wanted to run his fingers through the soft strands. She wore a white v-neck t-shirt under the jacket, a pair of form-fitting dark jeans, and her favorite boots. This was exactly how he had pictured her these last six months. Unapologetically herself. _Gorgeous_.      
  
“Commander, Agent May has agreed to participate in our mission. The rest of our temporary envoys are being picked up as we speak. We will be meeting in the command center at 1800 hours to begin the planning stages for the mission. Neither of you are needed until then.” With those words, John walked out, closing the door to Phil’s room behind him.  

Before he realized what he was doing, Phil began walking toward Melinda as if pulled by a string.

     
* * *  
  
Within seconds of being alone with him, Melinda was snaking her arms around Phil’s shoulders and pressing her face into his neck. As she did, she felt his arms circle her lower back and pulling her close to him. They had closed the distance between them so fast that it was hard to tell who initiated the embrace. She didn’t care. All that mattered was that after six terrible months apart, they were finally together. There was no doubt in her mind that she loved him.  
  
Breathing in deeply, she took in his scent, letting it envelop her. He did the same with his face buried in her hair. Any uncertainty she had about the nature of his feelings for her dissipated the longer he held her. She moved her left hand up his neck and over the back of his head, bringing him closer still. In response, she heard him moan softly, and felt him tighten his hold on her. His forehead came to rest on her left shoulder. With her own face still firmly pressed into his neck, she noticed his rapid pulse nearly matching the wild beat of her own heart.

As if to make up for their prolonged separation, they left no space between their bodies. Melinda was very pleased to feel his firm muscles pressed up against her. They hadn’t been this close since their old sparring days. Back then, she would pin him against the mats for as long as possible, both of them laughing at his inability (or perhaps unwillingness) to free himself. She enjoyed those sessions for completely innocent reasons. Definitely not because she loved the way his body felt underneath her as he struggled to break away--his flexing muscles awakening feelings within her and burning forbidden images into her brain. No, that would be _unprofessional_ and absolutely unlike her.  
  
Lost in the sensation of being in Phil’s arms, Melinda was startled when he pulled back slightly and raised his head. When she looked up, he was smiling sweetly at her and watching her with soft, searching eyes. He rested his forehead against hers and she took the opportunity to rub her palms over his chest in slow vertical strokes. He felt wonderful. And wearing a tight fitting shirt definitely suited him; fewer layers between them. _Is this really happening?_ More than once in the last six months, her fantasies had taken over her mind, flooding her senses with elaborate reunion scenes. Most of those were better suited for the pages of a steamy romance novel than the thoughts of a SHIELD specialist like her. And this reunion definitely fit in with those; it felt too good to be true.      
  
Phil closed his eyes and said, “I really missed you.” The low, husky tone of his voice was new and arousing; one she had not heard in the over 30 years they had been in each other’s lives. She wanted to hear it again and again.    
  
“I missed you too.” His eyes opened at her response and he started rubbing his hands up and down the expanse of her back, a soothing motion that warmed her entire body. “And I don’t _ever_ want to be away from you again,” she added in a low voice that matched his in intensity and emotion. She needed to tell him how much he meant to her. _A lot._  
  
“Melinda,” he whispered as he started closing the short distance between them, giving her time to pull back. She followed his lead. When their lips touched, she was finally home. The kiss was slow and sweet, with both savoring this newfound intimacy. Things between them were _finally_ moving forward. After a few seconds, the force of their longing drove them to deepen the kiss, giving their pent-up passion a much needed an outlet. His right hand came up to cup the back of her head and his fingers tangled in her hair. As they came up for air, they looked at each other intently, an unspoken question hanging between them. When she saw her feelings mirrored in those beautiful blue eyes, the question was answered.  
  
They leaned in once again and this time the kiss deepened immediately, their hunger and need beginning to consume them. As their hands tentatively explored each other, they began to communicate in a language of moans, gasps, and pleas.  
  
Just as Phil’s lips moved from her own to her jaw, Melinda felt her legs give out under her as she sank towards the ground. Suddenly dizzy and weak, she was thankful that he caught her and held her standing against him. She felt like the floor had been pulled from underneath her and she was overcome by exhaustion. Worry and understanding took over his features as he bent down, looped his left arm under her thighs and lifted her off her feet. She settled into his arms, pressing her head into his shoulder and hooking her arms around his neck. This intimate, yet familiar, contact released a surge of warmth that spread through her. Taking a few steps, Phil gently placed her in the middle of his small bed. Before he could move away, she grabbed his elbow and rasped out a weak plea for him to stay. She still didn’t know what was happening to her, and she knew that she didn’t want him to be out of her sight anytime soon.  
  
Navigating the confines of the bunk, he lay down facing her, propping his head on his right hand over his bent elbow. “I’m sorry Melinda, I forgot that you had just gone through the teleportation batteries for the first time. I should have let you rest instead of… commanding your attention like that. I felt sick for a couple of hours when they first brought me here. It does get easier the more you do it though—by my third trip, I barely noticed any side effects. You should rest before our debrief. Do you want me to leave you alone? If you want, I can sit quietly on that chair to watch over you while you sleep this off.”  
  
Melinda had really missed his nervous ramblings. While others thought him strange, she found him endearing. Even if he was such a dork. But he was _her_ dork. The thought left her feeling delighted and impossibly happy. And the fact that he had used her given name twice in the short time they had been together sent a thrill down to her very core.

While she wanted nothing more than to resume her explorations or at least talk to Phil, the trip had really taken it out of her and she could barely keep her eyes open. Finding enough strength to scoot all the way to the wall, she motioned for Phil to lie closer to her. When he did, she gently pushed him to lay on his back so she could place her head on his chest and drape her right arm over his taut stomach. Once she was settled on him, sleep found her almost immediately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to the fabulous @Elle_you_oh for her help and encouragement! 
> 
> If anyone is curious, the teleportation batteries/passport technology is from the Guardians of the Galaxy comic books. I thought it was neat and used it here :) 
> 
> I hope that reunion held up to your expectations! If you enjoyed the chapter or have some feedback, don't be shy and drop me a note :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We finally learn what Phil is doing in space. How's Melinda going to react to the truth?

Melinda slept peacefully in his arms for a couple of hours while Phil contemplated his changing luck. He did not remember the last time he had been this happy. Probably never. Nothing in his life until then compared to the feeling of holding Melinda May in his arms. It now seemed amazing that he had denied his feelings for her for so long, convincing himself that this was nothing more than physical attraction between friends. A product of their close relationship. They both had loved other people in the time they had been partners and friends, but at least for him, every other love was merely a spark in comparison to this enduring open flame that burned bright and hot for her.    
  
Now, as his body synced with her deep, even breaths, Phil felt like he was finally living his own life and not someone else’s. A big smile spread across his face as he recounted their first kiss and subsequent make out session. He was starting to think that perhaps Melinda shared the depth of his feelings, and that was both thrilling and terrifying. 

 

Dark thoughts began flooding his mind uninvited and unwelcomed. In his current predicament, he knew he couldn’t give her what she wanted or make her happy. And even if by some miracle he could commit his future to her, his relationships had brought him nothing but pain and he did not want to share that with love of his life. She was worth so much more than him. 

 

Phil had been truly happy for Melinda when she found Andrew; a good man fully capable of giving her the life she deserved. Then Bahrain had happened, bringing her and Phil closer than they had ever been while they struggled to heal together. She pushed everyone away except for him; he didn’t give up on her, not once letting her shut him out. In the handful of years between Bahrain and his death, they learned more about each other than in their entire friendship up until then. For the first time, he had allowed himself to think that maybe there was something  _ real _ between them. But before he could find out what that was, the nagging thought that he didn’t have a future to give her pushed him to keep his distance. He was sure she’d have no trouble finding a much better man who could commit the rest of his life to making her happy. Audrey made him believe that, at least temporarily, he could have a normal life. So he tried his hand at the white-picket-fence fantasy that he’d never before let himself indulge in. And for a while, he was happy and in love. But then New York brought his life crashing down on him. His face darkened as he thought of his own death and everything that was attached to it.      
  
His thoughts were interrupted by Melinda’s words, “What’s wrong, Phil?” Looking down, he saw that she was awake and regarding him with concern. Upon seeing her face, his dark thoughts were banished to the back of his mind and a big smile spread across his face once more. That was the effect she always had on him.     
  
“Nothing. Just lost in thought. How are you feeling, Mel?” He hadn’t used that nickname since Bahrain, but now that they were lying in each other’s arms aboard a secret base in deep space, it seemed like an appropriate moment to try it out again.   
  
Melinda smiled back and set her head down on his chest again, looking toward the large window in his room. “ _ Much _ better. You know, you make a pretty comfortable pillow.” His heart swelled upon seeing a playful smirk settling on her face. “Wow. We really are in space, aren’t we?”    
  
He knew what she was feeling. The first time he had visited the base, it took him a few days to get used to the idea that he was not on Earth anymore; even now, decades later, he was awe-stricken every time he caught a glimpse of space through one of the many windows on the base. Leaning down, he brushed a soft kiss over her hair, wrapping his arms around her a little tighter. “Yes. We are in space.  _ Together _ .” He breathed out the last word while closing his eyes and savoring the moment. Phil felt completely relaxed and at peace. But her body suddenly tensed in his arms and he knew something was wrong.   
  
“You have a lot of explaining to do,  _ Phillip Jacob Coulson _ .” The hot, controlled anger dripping from her words startled him. Melinda was one of the few people who knew his middle name and she had only used it a handful of times in the 30 years they had known each other. Always while very,  _ very _ angry. He braced himself for the fight he had known was coming. 

Pushing herself over him, she jumped out of bed and strode toward the window. His body sorely missed her curled up against his side. Phil got up slowly and walked toward her, reluctantly reaching a hand to her shoulder. She shrugged him off and turned toward him, anger and pain distorting her features.   

 

“You  _ disappeared _ !”    
  
“I know, I know. You have no idea how sorry I am about all of this. I thought--”

 

“Do you know what these last six months were like? Not knowing if you were alive or…” 

 

“I was not expecting them to pick me up when they did, without warning.” 

 

“I can’t keep losing you, Phil. I just can’t.” She looked at the ground, exhausted and defeated. He felt guilt rise in his throat, choking him.  

 

Taking a deep breath, he prepared himself to explain the long and complicated history of why they were in deep space. He was immediately terrified of losing her again. _Will she understand?_   
  
“This whole thing started while I was in the Academy,” he began uncertainly. Under the weight of her pained gaze, he recounted his story. 

 

After successfully—and quite impressively—completing his first-year Communications curriculum, Phil was called into Nick Fury’s office. His mentor and future SO explained what he knew about the Man on the Wall (or Special Operations Commander) and his mission. As the then current Commander, Fury wanted Phil to be his successor eventually. The “Ascension Plan” involved Phil’s gradual introduction to the duties of the position, with a lifelong appointment taking place years in the future. His training would include short-term visits to the base to learn about the operations of the organization and the duties of the position. Fury insisted that Phil could continue his training to become a SHIELD agent and have a pretty good career before beginning his tenure as the Commander. At the time, Phil couldn’t think of a greater honor than being selected as Fury’s successor in such an important role. And, although he hated to admit it, he was a little too excited about the prospect of living in  _ space _ . 

 

Melinda, who until then had been very stoically listening to his story, smiled at his nerdy reaction. It was a short-lived smile, as her face became inscrutable again when he continued. His chest tightened. 

  
Phil accepted the appointment. As part of his training, he started going aboard the base a few times a year, sometimes for weeks or months at a time to learn from Fury and his deputy, John. At the same time, he became a SHIELD agent and applied the experiences from each position to the other, becoming well-known for his strategic mastery. He was strictly forbidden from disclosing any details about his appointment, the base, or the mission, and he followed that order religiously. No one would believe him or understand anyway. 

Melinda’s eyes widened in disbelief while he talked about coming to space periodically for the last thirty years. Phil knew that his omission could be seen as a betrayal, and he began to fear that he would lose her forever over this part of this life. But there was nothing he could do. He would never going to lie to her again and she needed to understand that while this had been his choice, he didn’t choose to leave  _ her.  _

 

Things were going according to plan until his death at the hands of Loki. In the years since his resurrection, Phil had stopped going to space. He was simply too busy. Fully preoccupied with the seemingly never-ending crises that ravaged his team, he failed to maintain regular contact with the base in over two years. He figured that if they needed him, they would contact him.  While he languished in the Framework, the Benefactors were unable to reach him to tell him about Fury’s forced retirement and his own immediate appointment as Commander. So they sent their operatives to find Phil and hold him to his promise.    
  
* * *   
  
Melinda had no idea what to say after hearing Phil’s story. Her first instinct was to feel betrayed, knowing that he had kept something so important from her for so long. Betrayal gave way to anger. This new information brought to mind to all the times Phil made excuses for disappearing for weeks or months at a time and she felt a wave of anger rise within her chest. They were friends! They had shared everything--she told him about her plans to conceive; he told her about Audrey. She thought they were family.  _ How could he keep this from me?  _

 

Her fists clenched and her body tensed. Her anger was threatening to slip outside her control. She wanted to throttle him, to make him feel her pain. He couldn’t possibly imagine the desperation and hopelessness she felt while he was gone, not knowing if she would ever see him again. And he knew this would happen! Maybe he didn’t know exactly  _ when _ , but he knew it  _ would _ .  

 

Her anger slipped into the background when she noticed Phil’s pained expression; the true meaning of his words hit her.  _ He didn’t have a choice then and he doesn’t have a choice now. _ An image broke through the whirlwind of thoughts, that of a heartbroken and vulnerable Phil, the boy who lost had his mother just months after he started at the Academy. Alone in the world. At that time, he would have done and given  _ anything _ to have a purpose, to be useful to someone. To be  _ needed _ . And he looked up to Nick Fury, who always did know how to exploit all of Phil’s weaknesses. That’s how the former director had molded Phil to be his heir.      
  
Still struggling to reconcile her anger with his pain, she was surprised to see that the urge to comfort him won. Melinda moved to wrap her arms around Phil and brought her head to rest on his chest. As he let out a sigh--the tension melting from his body--he returned the hug, bringing her closer still. They stood clinging to each other. Both wishing that their stars could align just  _ once  _ so they could find happiness together. Eventually, Melinda moved out of his embrace and spoke quietly but clearly. 

 

“It hurts that you kept this from me all these years.” 

 

At her pause, Phil began to visibly panic, a myriad of emotions displayed on his face. She inhaled slowly before continuing, “but I also know why you did it. Still... I need time to process all of this.” It took much conscious effort, but she was desperately trying to be fair and say exactly what she was thinking. During their forced separation, she had come to understand that they both needed to communicate more openly if they wanted to make this  _ thing _ between them work. Lies and omissions had kept them apart all these years. Now, she wanted nothing more than to close the rifts between them and avoid creating new ones. Especially now that they were together; at least for the time being.  _ What happens when the mission ends?  _ She to pushed the nagging thought away for now.    
  
“I know it’s a lot.” His voice almost cracked. “And I am grateful that you listened to everything I had to say. You have no idea how many times I wished I could tell you about this whole thing.” He let out a sigh and closed his eyes. “I felt so  _ alone. _ I hated not having control over my own life. All my choices were meaningless because I couldn’t commit my future to anything or…  _ anyone _ .” At that last word, she was overwhelmed by the raw emotion in his voice. Suddenly, the fact that he never settled down in one place, his tendency to sabotage his relationships, and his reluctance to cross that line with her shone in a new light. It had always seemed strange to her that someone so loving hadn’t started his own family, especially since she knew how much he liked children. It all made sense now. 

 

She did the only thing she could to bury the overpowering sadness that flooded her; she kissed him. A kiss that had none of the gentleness of their first one just hours ago. It was a kiss meant to erase their pain and make them forget everything they had been through and everything still to come. Their lips were searing and desperate, the contact making them both moan. Craving more of him, Melinda deepened the kiss, tasting him while her hands started roaming over his body. Her palms found their way under his shirt and started mapping the expanse of his back, her right one pausing briefly over the large scar over his spine. The skin was raised and jagged, and she imagined that it looked like the scar’s twin over his heart. She loved these scars. They meant that he healed; they were proof that he was alive and well. This thought stoked the fire within her. 

 

Just as his hands reached for the hem of her own shirt, the sound of an alarm filled the room and a voice boomed, “Commander Coulson, you are needed in the command center for a mission briefing.” Groaning in unison, they broke their kiss and brought their foreheads together in a tender gesture that had none of the heat or anger of the last few minutes. 

 

“I guess we’ll have to continue this later,” promised Melinda with a mischievous smile. He blushed and nodded eagerly in response, seemingly speechless. Leaning forward, she gave him a chaste kiss to seal her intentions. Although the anger at his omission was still there, the thought that she may be able to touch and kiss Phil Coulson later made her giddy. Their future was in flux, but their new intimacy filled her with hope.  _ Maybe, just maybe, we can find a way to be happy this time. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to @elle_you_oh for her help! 
> 
> Let me know if you are enjoying the story so far! I always appreciate hearing from you :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is nsfw, so read responsibly ;)

The job always came first. Phil got used to that idea very early in his career and accepted it without question. But this time, he was silently cursing the rude interruption to what was quickly becoming one of the happiest moments of his life. Just thinking of that passionate kiss made him dizzy and sent a rush of blood flowing in the wrong direction. Attempting to collect himself, he buried those thoughts and images in the back of his mind as they made their way to the command center. He was about to give a briefing for a very important mission that would decide the fate of the world. This was no time to think about how her mouth felt over his swollen lips or how her hands had wandered over his overheated body. Stealing a glance back at Melinda, he saw a smile firmly planted on her reddened lips. That sight made his heart soar. 

 

As they crossed the threshold of the command center, Coulson fully collected himself. Back in his role as the Commander, he regained all semblance of being in charge. Inside, they found John along with eight operatives who Coulson recognized from the files he had reviewed earlier. Among them were a Special Forces pilot, a Secret Service agent, an MI-6 operative, and a Russian spy. The only qualified operatives he could not bring on board were Romanoff and Morse--they were both still off the grid and even the advanced software they had at hand could not pinpoint a location for either of them. May was the best qualified of the operatives assembled. 

 

Coulson began the briefing by explaining, in very general terms, the source of the intelligence. It was necessary that they understand that this was not a normal prediction of what  _ could  _ happen as much as a vision of what almost certainly  _ would  _ happen. For simplicity’s sake and to limit disbelief, he left out the role of the inhuman Royal Family. Next, he mapped out the operation and the possible scenarios they could encounter, taking pains to explain what would happen to Earth if the mission failed. They needed to understand just how important this was. The mission called for sending three teams to different spots on a large trading outpost to intercept the components of a very powerful weapon that someone planned to use on Earth. It was crucial that they secure all three components and get them away from the outpost to be safely deactivated. Any of them could be used to set off a massive explosion but together they could destroy entire solar systems. Fortunately, the components were stable; unfortunately, they were extremely well guarded. 

 

Coulson divided them into three pairs and gave each pair a file with everything they needed to know about their side of the trading outpost. Turning his attention to the remaining three operatives, May among them, he told them that they would each back up one of the pairs and provide assistance if something went wrong. These backup operatives received the files their assigned pair had received, and additional information regarding the possible extraction plans and emergency procedures. 

 

As the briefing finished, he ordered them to report back to the command center in 12 hours to begin mission preparations and preliminary training. As everyone slowly left the room, he found May glaring at him with her arms tightly crossed in front of her chest.  _ Shit _ . He put on a brave smile and walked toward her. 

 

“Backup, Phil? I should be on that trading outpost. This mission was made for me!” she growled. 

 

Coulson sighed, “I know, May.” It felt natural to revert to her last name when discussing work. “But there’s a big chance they’ll need an extraction and I don’t trust anyone else to get the job done if things go south.” What he really meant to say was that he did not want to put her in more danger than he had to. If she got killed because he selfishly brought her to this mission, he wouldn’t survive. If  _ anything  _ happened to her for  _ any  _ reason, his world would crumble.  _ She means everything to me.  _

 

“I am not going to question the Commander’s orders,  _ Coulson _ ,” she spat his last name like an insult. “But I know what you are doing and I don’t like it,” she added in a dry tone. 

 

“I know you can take care of yourself, Melinda,” his voice sounded more intimate, no longer authoritative; he was back to being her Phil. “You are the strongest person I’ve ever met. But your life is precious to me. Without you… I don’t know what I’d do, who I’d be,” he finished staring down at his clasped hands. 

 

Her hand came to his chin, tilting his head up and forcing him to make eye contact with her. “I know.” Sinking into the dark abyss of her eyes, he let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. The anger in her expression had evaporated and was replaced by pure affection. 

 

It wasn’t until they were halfway to Phil’s room that he realized that they never discussed sleeping arrangements. A blush spread across his face as he tried to find a way to broach the subject without seeming presumptuous. Fighting his nerves and conflicting thoughts, he didn’t notice that they were already in front of his room and she was looking at him. Melinda raised an eyebrow at him, amused at his discomfort. 

 

“Uh, Mel? We haven’t talked about this yet, b-but what do you think about… I mean, where do you… Mmm, do you want to sleep with me?” he choked out before realizing what actually came out of his mouth and turning a deeper shade of red. “No! What I meant was, do you want me to walk you to your assigned room?” The words tripped over each other in tune with his jumbled thoughts. 

 

A smirk was showing out of the corner of her mouth as she watched him grow more and more flustered. He was glad she found his stupidity amusing. “Well, if you don’t mind,” she trailed off, “I’d rather stay with you.” That last part, she almost whispered while looking at the floor. That tone brought back memories of her saying, “Maybe part of it was” at the ruins of the Playground six months earlier.  _ She’s just as nervous as me!  _ His delight melted into courage, and just like at the Playground, he proposed a plan that could give her an exit. 

 

“Of course. You will  _ always _ be welcome anywhere I am. No matter what.” His words were thick with the conviction that he would never push her away again. “You can take the bed and I can get a cot and sleep on the floor next to you,” he added smiling shyly.  _ Always be a gentleman _ , his mother’s voice said in his mind, a lesson he internalized early in life. 

 

Melinda rolled her eyes at him, her timid expression gone in an instant. “No, you don’t have to do that, Phil. It’s not like we’ve never shared a bed before.” 

 

He stopped himself before pointing out just how small that bunk was--she knew that already and was still suggesting they share it. A wave of excitement surged within him at the prospect of sharing a bed with her. Being close to her. Maybe getting to kiss her again. 

 

This time he took the time to give her a brief tour of his quarters. Due to the less ideal circumstances of his ascension to Commander, he was still being treated a bit like a prisoner. John assured him that as soon as the Benefactors were sure that he was fully committed to his role, he would receive all the perks that should come with his position. Like quarters befitting a Commander or Earth-travel privileges. So he kept his head down and did his work as best as he could to regain the trust of the Benefactors and show he was not a flight risk. 

 

They walked over to the unobstructed window and stared into the cosmos, standing so close that their arms touched. The room was filled with a comfortable silence as they were both lost in their own thoughts and the sights before them. Turning to look at Melinda, Phil felt his heart beating faster. He was enthralled with her. His breath caught in his throat and he felt his mouth go dry.  _ What can she possibly see in me?  _

 

Without looking at him Melinda reproached him, “You’re staring.” 

 

“I don’t think I could say this enough, but I am so happy to see you, Mel. You have no idea how much I’ve missed you,” he said as his voice cracked. 

 

She returned his gaze with that familiar soft expression that she only used with Phil; baring her soul to him. “I missed you too.  _ So much _ .” Extracting encouragement from her words, Phil turned fully toward her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, drawing her close to him. As she buried her head in his chest and hooked her arms around his lower back, he sighed happily.  _ This is home _ , he thought, not for the first time during the last eight hours. After a few minutes of this embrace, Melinda pulled back slightly and looked at him with such tenderness that his heart skipped a beat. 

 

“Phil, I can’t lose you again--I wouldn’t survive it. Please don’t leave me again.” Her eyes filled with tears, and she looked away from him, trying to cover her face in her hands. 

 

*** * ***

 

Phil grabbed her hands and gently moved them away from her face, forcing her to look at him. Through her tears, she saw such a loving expression adorning his face that her sad thoughts melted quickly. The intensity reflected in his eyes was a reminder of their newly acquired intimacy and suddenly all she wanted--no, _needed_ \--was to kiss him. With that goal in mind, she stood on her tiptoes and closed the distance between them. Her kiss was just an innocent peck, but when she pulled back, he followed her mouth returning her attention in kind. That brief kiss was followed by another and another, and before they knew what hit them, their lips were engaged in a passionate duel that ignited their body and soul. A kiss they would not soon forget. 

 

Melinda took this kiss as an invitation to let her hands roam over Phil’s back, sides, and ass. Settling both hands on that last target, she thought about how long she had been wanting to do just that. At least since their tactical swimming class at the Academy. Phil’s hands also began exploring her body, overloading her senses and causing her briefly to stop her own examination of him. Painfully aware that they were wearing too many clothes, her hands began pulling up his shirt, craving the feeling of his skin against her own. He seemed lost in the sensation of her palms caressing his stomach and moving up to his chest. 

 

When she tugged at the fabric again, he took a small step back, breaking their kiss, to deftly remove his shirt. Her breath caught in her throat at the sight of his naked chest. Melinda let her eyes trail over his defined physique and she hummed in appreciation for what she saw. Her hands soon followed her eyes and she made a point to reach every inch of skin in front of her. She stopped when her right hand found the angry lines of his scar and she looked intently into Phil’s eyes before lowering her mouth to the raised skin to explore it with her lips. Her left hand wrapped around his torso and came to rest at the companion scar in his back, stroking it softly. At the contact, he gasped and wrapped his arms around her waist to pull her closer to him.

 

When Melinda pulled back, Phil was looking at her with such a soft, adoring expression that she felt lightheaded. Soon, his hands were helping her slide her leather jacket down her shoulders and pull her shirt over her head to reveal the soft skin of her abdomen and back. Her nipples, hard underneath the fabric of her bra, were straining for attention, so she reached back to free them from the oppressive garment. Phil caught her hands and shook his head. Confused, she raised an eyebrow at him in question, neither of them having recovered the ability to speak since they started kissing. His hands quickly answered as he moved to unclasp her bra in one swift motion, letting it fall to the floor unceremoniously. She smirked. So he  _ was  _ better with his hands since the last time he had tried to unhook her bra. 

 

His eyes, dark pupils swallowing the blue almost completely, roamed hungrily over her bare chest as he stood frozen for a few seconds. Soon, they were pressed together, kissing as if their lives depended on it. As she felt her control slip, the fire raging inside her taking over her actions, she moved to remove his pants. Breaking their kiss, Phil took over for her and nodded in the direction of her own pants, his command explicit. Once their underwear joined the growing pile of discarded clothing, Melinda was able to see all of him. She had never wanted anyone as much as she wanted him in that moment. He seemed equally enthralled with her naked form, and for the next few heartbeats, neither of them moved.   
  
Melinda moved so quickly toward him that she felt like a predator pouncing on her prey. They relished the contact of skin against skin, continuing their early investigations now unimpeded. A heap of limbs, skin, and groans, they moved toward the bed until they fell onto it moaning through their kisses. Their passion was burning hot, but they both regained just enough control to aim their efforts at discovering each other as thoroughly as possible; their mouths and hands tracing scorching paths across their bodies. Everything they did was deliberate, full of love, and _long_ overdue.   
  
Melinda treasured the sounds he made when she found yet another sensitive patch of skin, trying to commit all this new information to memory. Her goal became hearing those sounds again and again and again. Equally delightful were the wild expressions of pleasure he coaxed out of her with his well-aimed ministrations. Phil Coulson, she learned, was a patient and dedicated man. And his mouth was not only good for talking. His tongue quickly became her favorite part of him--at least until a _different_ part of him came into the scene and stole the spotlight. He also seemed to have gotten _much_ better with his hands since that undercover mission when he fumbled with her bra. _This man will be my undoing_ , she thought right before reaching yet another orgasm brought on by his attentions. 

  
When they were finally joined, her on top as he sat with his back against the wall, Melinda thought that nothing could compare to the feeling of being one with Phil. They moved in perfect sync, knowing exactly what to do to overload the other’s senses. Maintaining eye contact, they let their pleasure build and abandoned themselves to a shared climax that left them both physically and emotionally drained. Afterwards, as they lay on the bed—Melinda slumped over Phil’s chest, their bodies still joined—he whispered, “It’s always been you,” over and over again like a mantra. She knew exactly what he meant. In that moment, her mind, body, and soul felt completely at peace.  _ I could get used to this _ . She thought as sleep started to overtake her.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks to the wonderful @elle_you_oh for her help with this and all other chapters of this fic. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I was a little nervous about writing nsfw content, so I apologize if it's not up to snuff. Please let me know if you liked it, if you hated it, if you feel indifferent about it, or even if you're sleepy. Basically, I appreciate getting any feedback :D


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil and Melinda continue to "explore" their new relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the short chapter, but this is in response to the readers who asked if Phil and Melinda were done "reuniting." Also, it felt appropriate to add a NSFW (ok, pure smut) chapter before we head to the mission. I'd like to be able to say this chapter adds to the plot, but it does not. Read responsibly and at your own risk ;)

A few hours later, Phil woke up with the sounds of Melinda’s steady breathing as she lay sleeping partially on his chest. They were a tangle of limbs and sheets, both still naked from the night before. He sighed happily and settled his head on top of hers, bringing her closer to him while trying not to wake her. As he revisited the events of the previous night in vivid detail, he felt her begin to stir. Soon she started to trace lazy patterns over his chest with her fingers. Captivated by her touch, he began to relax his body and concentrate on the sensations that she was unleashing on his skin. After a few minutes of this idle contact, Phil noticed her digits slowly moving lower on his abdomen, still tenderly tracing patterns on his skin. Her caresses plus his earlier thoughts woke him up in an unexpected, yet not entirely surprising, way. When her fingers dipped under the sheet covering his lower body to trace invisible designs over his swollen member, all coherent thought left him. Only her touch and his need remained. 

 

She hummed appreciatively when she found him erect and continued her ministrations, completely ignoring every other part of him. Her hand deftly explored the length of him, varying the pressure and tempo of her touch. Melinda was taking her time inspecting him and learning what he liked, just like he had done the previous night with his careful study of her folds. He smiled as he remembered her taste and the sounds she made as he worshiped her with his hands and mouth. When he started to feel himself close to losing control, his hips itching to thrust up to match the movement of her hand, she slid her fingers down to his base and held him still. With one swift motion, never taking her hand off of him, she raised herself from the bed and straddled his legs, slowly lowering herself onto his erection. It took Phil a couple of seconds to realize what she was doing, but when he did, it was all he could do to stop his orgasm from ruining this fantastic turn of events. She was soaking wet, impossibly hot, and deliciously tight around him. And they still hadn’t said a word to each other since waking up. 

 

After a brief period to let them both adjust, Melinda started to move, her hips making slow vertical circles over him. Her right hand was firmly planted on his chest. The sight of her naked form staring down at him with an expression dripping with lust made his mouth go dry. His eyes roamed over her perfect breasts, her flat stomach, her lovely collarbone, committing her beauty and this moment to memory. Preserving it for the lonely nights ahead. Focusing on his breathing, Phil held onto her hips as a lifeline, getting lost in the feeling of being one with her.  _ I could definitely get used to this! _

 

Her tempo started to quicken and as her pleasure built, she let go of his chest and her hands roamed unbidden over her own breasts, abdomen, and hair. Now,  _ that  _ was a sight he wanted to remember until the end of his days. Just when he thought he couldn’t last much longer, she stopped her movements, smiled wickedly at him and lowered her chest towards his, whispering huskily in his ear, “Take it from here, Phil.” Before she had finished that sentence, he was already bucking up, plunging deep and, judging by the sounds she was making, hitting the right spot inside her. His hands slid from her hips down to her ass, pressing her impossibly closer and bringing him deeper still. Her moans turned to screams as he continued his bruising pace and before long her walls were closing all around him as her orgasm hit both of them. By some miracle he did not join her climax; instead he stopped his thrusts and let her ride out the waves of pleasure as she collapsed onto his chest and held him close. 

 

When her breathing evened, he carefully flipped them on the bed, their bodies still joined.  Melinda moaned when her back hit the mattress. Soon she had her legs wrapped around his hips and her arms snaked around his shoulders. Balancing his weight on his arms on either side of her, he started driving into her slowly. 

 

“Faster, Phil! Please!” She choked out in a ragged voice that was easily one of the sexiest things he had ever heard.

 

At her insistence, his pace picked up and settled on long, forceful strokes that had her whimpering his name as her eyes screwed shut. As he felt the tell-tale signs of his climax, his thrusts went deeper and he started to nibble on her ear and neck, eliciting loud moans from her. Her hands went to his ass, driving him inward and encouraging him further. When his orgasm hit, he screamed her name into her neck and kept plunging into her for a few more strokes until he felt her fall apart under him. Judging by the sounds she made, her second climax was stronger than the first one. Spent and in love, Phil looked down at Melinda and kissed her deeply. Her arms roamed the expanse of his back as her legs unhooked and came to rest on the mattress. 

 

Phil lifted himself from her and flipped them once again, bringing her to rest on his chest as he lay on his back over the tiny mattress. They lay like that, heaving, covered in sweat, and holding onto each other, for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually, he began to stir, realizing that they only had a couple of hours before the mission and they both needed food and a shower. 

 

He got up and began looking for tissues so they could clean up from the morning’s activities. Laying on her side, with her head propped on on her raised hand, Melinda observed his naked form intently. “I could get used to this morning routine,” she said in a low husky voice that drove him wild and almost broke his resolve to stay up and out of bed. 

 

“Me too,” came his breathless response. The thought of making love to Melinda May every morning for the rest of his life made him lightheaded and weak in the knees. Having found tissues, he walked over to her and began to clean them both up. She sighed contentedly as he tenderly wiped away their combined fluids from her thighs. This somehow felt even more intimate than some of the acts they had performed since the night before. Then a thought popped into his head.  

 

“Uh, we didn’t talk about using protection last night… or this morning. But I can get a hold of condoms if you…” He was embarrassed not to have discussed this before. In his whole life, Phil Coulson had never once forgotten to use protection during sex. He now realized that he had never before been so consumed by passion as to forget something so important. She affected him in ways that no woman before had ever done. Still, that was no excuse and he owed it to her to bring it up. 

 

“Don’t feel bad. I’m on the pill and clean. Plus, I have no doubt that you are squeaky clean and could even provide official proof right now if I requested it,” so she had thought of this before. “We don’t need to use anything,” she paused for a couple of seconds before adding, “Unless you want to.” 

 

Phil shook his head. Then, he leaned down and kissed her just because he could. 

 

He thanked every deity he knew of for the miracle of having this heavenly creature with him and, as if that weren’t enough, she _ wanted  _ him.  _ Him. _ But the feeling was short lived as he remembered that the mission would start in a few hours and that she would be going back to Earth when it was completed. This would probably be the first and last time he would ever wake up with her in his arms. His features darkened.  

 

She noticed this change and said, “Don’t think about it right now. We’ll talk about what happens next when I get back from the mission. We’ll will find a way.  _ I know we will. _ All I ask is that you don’t give up on me. On us.” 

  
“I will  _ never _ give up on us. Even if I wanted to, I don’t think I can.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks to the great Elle_you_oh for her beta work. 
> 
> It's always nice to hear from you, so if you have any thoughts on this chapter, let me know!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mission

As May entered the ship she was going to pilot for her mission, she felt the light pangs of fear prickle her skin, increasing the tension in her muscles. Contrary to popular belief, Melinda May was not completely fearless. Before certain missions--where the safety of others was at stake or where Phil was in danger--a small amount of fear infiltrated her senses. She was excellent at controlling her emotions, so usually some breathing exercises would tame that fear enough to render it harmless. The fear she felt today was different and it didn't stem from a concern about the wellbeing of others; she was scared for _her_ life. It wasn't often that she had any regard toward her own safety, but in this moment she found herself afraid of death. Or more accurately, she was afraid of dying before exploring this relationship with Phil.

 

As she looked around the cockpit, familiarizing herself with the controls, scenes from the last 24 hours started playing in her head. She remembered every kiss, touch, and caress, every word and moan that was uttered by each of them. Their relationship had taken a big leap in the right direction. And she was eager--oh so eager--to explore what that meant. To explore _him_. But the mission came first. A mission that could kill her and their chances of being happy. She now remembered why having something to live for was so distracting in the field. 

 

May forced herself to steer her thoughts back to the mission. The controls of the ship she was going to pilot were very similar to those of the Quinjets that SHIELD used, so she felt confident about her ability to operate it. Still, she had to familiarize herself with the differences and understand some concepts related to space travel. She couldn’t believe she was flying a spaceship. Thinking back to the crash course on space travel she received before the mission, she felt her way around cockpit, her doubts starting to subside. May had fully stepped into her role of specialist and all her attention was directed to the mission. Her emotions took a back seat.

  

Once she felt at home in the cockpit, she turned to the mission details. She was the backup to a Secret Service agent, Phillips, and an MI-6 operative, Becker, who would go into the eastern entrance to the trading outpost. The orders called for her to remain in her ship until her team needed help. That was frustrating. The mission seemed to have been planned specifically for her, and knowing Coulson, it probably was. But she was in the sidelines, trusting that her fellow operatives could carry out their orders. This angered her, but she knew immediately why he did it. Coulson was protecting her.

 

Generally, when men tried to protect her, May would feel slighted, offended even. She hated the old fashioned thinking that went behind that manly urge to protect her. Strangely, when Coulson did it, she was deeply moved instead. He knew exactly what she was capable of and never questioned her abilities. He was probably the only man she knew who was _never_ threatened by her, the only one who didn't feel the need to test her or prove himself. No, he knew everyone's strengths and weaknesses and worked with those, not against. So when he protected her, it wasn't that he doubted her own skills or that he was trying to impress her. His worrying meant that he truly cared for her and was scared of losing her. May smiled at that thought. He had definitely showed her how much he cared a few times the night before. And that morning.

 

Soon, the ships began to depart the landing area. There were six ships in total, one for each of the teams and one for each of the backup operatives. Hers was the last ship to leave. The flight was fairly short and she soon found herself waiting to see if she would join the fray. She gripped the controls tightly as she listened to the comms feed from her team. Uncertainty was killing her. So far, things seemed be going well. They had encountered and disarmed a few guards and were on their way to retrieve their assigned component. Both operatives were skilled and competent, May had little doubt that they could carry out the mission. But she still wished it were her inside the outpost, making sure things went well.

 

A loud noise penetrated the comms chatter and May felt her heartbeat double in speed. It sounded like weapons were being fired, though she couldn’t be sure with all the alien technology around here. A piercing scream came next, and she barely recognized the previously calm and quiet voice of agent Becker. They were under attack. May began to flip switches and steer the controls to land her ship at the outpost, her mind quickly going through the map of the hallways in her head and trying to piece together where her team had been ambushed. Her heart hammering in her chest, she prayed that she could get there in time to keep the component from blowing the entire outpost to oblivion.

 

* * *

 

Coulson had the ability to remain cool and collected through otherwise stressful situations. That was one of the reasons he was selected as Special Operations Commander. That was why he made a good SHIELD Director. But he was having trouble remaining calm as he paced around the base’s loading dock waiting for May’s ship to arrive. All the other teams and backups had made it back to the base safely, but he knew that May’s team had been ambushed and she had stepped in to retrieve the component. All comms had cut off at that point. He followed the tracker on her ship through his screen and saw that she had docked at the outpost. The area was placed on a security alert and he knew that the Nova Corps would arrive soon to intervene. That wasn't good. 

 

While he waited to hear something, _anything_ about the fate of his operatives, his mind went into overdrive. The first casualty of his anxiety was his focus. Dark thoughts assaulted him with worse and worse images and scenarios every time he closed his eyes. His mind was a snow globe that had been violently shaken, each worrying thought a different snowflake clouding his judgment. Guilt soon took over. If he hadn't been so selfish, she would be on Earth right now, safe and completely unaware of this mission. But he _had_ to see her. For that, for _him_ , he put her in danger. Now, he may never see her again, may never get to hold her again, may never get to tell her how he felt about her. His body went cold and he felt dizzy, the hammering of his blood in his ears was the only sound that he could hear. It was deafening.

 

Coulson started to take steps toward one of the ships in the dock--he had started receiving flying instructions in the last six months and was almost ready to begin doing test flights--determined to get May back to the base. A loud beep broke through his worry and forced him to look down at the tablet he was holding. The tracker had been activated, her ship was moving. He just stared at the moving dot, fear and hope mingling in his throat. One of the other operatives could be piloting the ship. Or it could have been confiscated and moved by the authorities. Or it could be May coming back to the base.

 

If his mind had been in overdrive before, it was much worse now. Possibilities, scenarios, statistics, all competed for his attention. But he could only concentrate on _her_. The fate of the world was at stake, they still needed to recover that last component, but his thoughts left the mission the moment he lost communication with Melinda. Images of the last day together invaded him. Her caresses still burned on his skin. He could still hear her moans, gasps, and pleas. For the length of one beautiful day, they had given free rein to their feelings and found themselves together at last. Together as they had never been before. And greedy as he was, he wanted more. _Much_ more. He wanted to wake up next to her in the mornings. To kiss her nightmares away. To give her everything he had left to give.

 

But now, he may never get to do that. It was silly of him to think that their stars would align, that this time they could make things work between them. He was starting to think that he was cursed and that he had shared that curse with her.

 

The thought that she may be coming back to him _alive_ , woke him from his dark reverie. As long as there was hope, he was going to hold on to it with all his strength. He promised her he wouldn’t give up on them and he would keep that promise. Coulson headed back into the base, determined to get her back and save them both in the process.

 

Three minutes after the dot began to move, as he settled in front of the command center console to monitor its progress, Coulson heard the click of the a voice message through his earpiece. "Phil," came the tired and raspy voice of the woman he loved, "we lost one operative but we have the component. ETA is an hour." May coughed and wheezed and he immediately knew that something was wrong. "Have medical on hand, we’re both hit. I’m so…”  she coughed, “sorry." His heart sank and his blood froze at those words. He immediately tried to reestablish contact with her ship, but the communications were not going through.

 

Before the panic rising in his chest could take over his mind, Coulson cloaked himself in his Commander role and began planning and directing. He was going to make sure they had more time. He still hadn’t told her that he loved her.

 

* * * 

 

As she tightened her grip on the controls, May thought about how quickly everything went wrong. One minute she had been on her ship, following the progress of the mission, and the next she was inside the trading outpost, firing rounds of her alien weapon while trying to salvage the mission. She felt the world around her moving as if in slow motion, her senses heightened and her body reacting in time. After fighting her way through a dozen guards--none of them human--she found her team engaged in a shootout with some mercenaries. The component was precariously out of the line of fire. She immediately realized that within a minute or two the whole outpost would blow if she didn’t do something. 

 

The rest was a blur in her mind. May remembered using a flash grenade to break open the enemy lines, reach her team members and assess their injuries. Agent Becker appeared to have received multiple wounds to her torso and was not likely to make it past a few minutes while the agent Phillips looked to have suffered a single wound that had gone through his left upper chest, probably piercing his lung. In seconds she had formulated an escape plan, but it depended on one of them staying behind to give them cover. Agent Becker, understanding the severity of her injuries, offered to provide cover. May was touched by her sacrifice and was determined to make sure the mission was accomplished, no matter what. 

 

Their escape was more difficult than she initially envisioned. As they rounded a corner close to the docking station, they saw a soldier approach them with his weapon raised and trained at the explosive device nestled in May’s left arm. Instinctively, she turned away, wishing to protect both the component and herself. That is when she felt an intense burning pain through her right lower abdomen and back. Blinded by a pain greater than any she had felt before, she barely noticed that agent Phillips had engaged the soldier. The next thing she remembered was the agent weakly helping her up while he nursed a wound to his rib cage that looked very serious. 

 

Somehow, they made it to the ship, where May was able to depart before the Nova Corps arrived to investigate the situation. She could hear agent Phillips in the back coughing and wheezing and she knew that he didn't have much time left. But she was determined to save him--she already lost one team member that day, she wasn't going to lose both of them. 

 

Her own abdomen was throbbing and radiating shooting pain throughout her body, but she tried to keep her breathing steady so she could concentrate on the piloting. It was difficult to focus on the controls with that much pain and adrenaline coursing through her body, and a few times she forgot exactly what to do with the ship. The communications system was different from the ones she was used to, so it took her a few minutes to be able to send a voice message to the base with their status. When she reported their ETA, she knew that neither of them could make it another hour without medical attention. All she wanted was to hear Phil’s voice. But now, she was dying on a ship in the middle of space and their love story would finally end. 

 

After fumbling with the controls for a few minutes, she was able to set the autopilot on the ship to take them to the area immediately next to the base so the other pilots could collect the component easily from their ship and not risk them colliding with the massive structure. Sitting back on her chair, she inspected her wound. The first thing she noticed was that the skin around it was charred and that it was not bleeding too profusely.  _ Cauterized _ , she realized as she vividly recalled the burning pain that she felt immediately after getting hit. Regardless of that small piece of good news, she was still badly injured and her organs were likely to start failing soon. After many years on the field, she knew how these things went. She looked at her coordinates and flight path: they were 40 minutes away from their destination. 

 

Turning back to agent Phillips, she saw him slumped over himself on the chair behind her, quiet and still. Fearing the worst, May stood on unsteady feet and limped over to him. His heart was emitting a weakening heartbeat and his breathing was labored; she knew he didn’t have much time left. As she struggled to recall her emergency medical training over the all-absorbing pain of her abdomen, she realized that it was all futile. Both of them were dying, and neither of them could do anything about it. 

 

A brief ray of sunshine made it through the darkness of her thoughts as she remembered Phil’s kisses and caresses, the way their bodies felt when joined for the first time. At least she would die knowing what it was like to be with him, to be loved by him. The memories of the last day together brought with them a warmth that spread through her, soothing even the pulsing pain from her wound. There were many things that she regretted in her life, but coming to find Phil was not one of them. A sob escaped her lips as she realized that she was leaving him.

 

* * * 

 

Phil entered the override code on the console with shaking hands and waited for confirmation. The handprint and retina scans came after that. The change of course had been authorized and the ship that lay ahead suddenly stopped. His operatives, the ones who were well enough for a non-combat mission, moved at once and with precision. In less than two minutes, the two ships were connected and his team was able to enter the smaller one to retrieve the component and render aid to its occupants. Phil followed closely behind the medics, heart thumping and ears ringing. Fear gripped his whole body tighter than it ever had before. He could taste copper in his mouth from biting his lip the whole ride over to May’s ship, but his teeth continued digging into the broken  flesh as he made his way toward her.  

 

From the back of her ship he heard one of his men say that they had the component, but he didn’t care. He should have been in his Commander role, but instead he was just Phil, a man in love and drowning in worry. The pool of blood was the first thing he saw as he ran into the cockpit. He felt his knees starting to give out, but he then noticed the lump on the floor next to one of the crew chairs and recognized Melinda’s black boots. His medics split between her and the man collapsed on the chair next to her, but he only had eyes for her. She was facing down, impossibly quiet and still. He wanted to scream, but his voice was nowhere to be found. 

 

When the medics turned her, he saw that she had a laser wound to her lower abdomen. In an instant he was crouching down next to her, holding her hand as his men removed her tactical suit and began ascertaining her injuries. Noticing a faint pulse, he let himself breathe a sigh of relief. 

 

_ She’s alive. She’s alive. She’s alive.  _

 

As soon as he received the transmission from her ship, Coulson had ordered his medical team, which had been standing by, to prepare for a rescue mission. Within three minutes, they were heading to a rendezvous point, halfway between the trading outpost and the base. He knew she may not have an hour and he was not going to waste any time and risk her life. In twenty minutes, they were boarding her intercepted ship. 

 

One of the medics used a handheld medical scanner to determine all the internal damage she suffered while another one injected her with one of their regenerative compounds to stop further tissue degeneration. A third set up a stretcher so she could be taken to the medical unit within the rescue ship. Phil, still in shock, was gripping her hand and staring at the preternatural calm that was reflected in her face. As they made their way to the medical bay of the rescue ship, he noticed the slight rise and fall of her chest and took comfort in knowing that the regenerative compound was beginning to take effect. 

 

Not for the first time since he had known Melinda, Phil wished he could take her pain. He watched her thrash violently as the regenerative serum began to change the biology of her cells, knowing that her body could reject the alien compound and and go into cardiac arrest. This was it, the real test to see if she would live or die. In another life, Phil would have been opposed to this alien treatment. But in that moment, with her life tipping over the abyss, he found no qualms within himself. He  _ had  _ to save her at whatever cost. 

 

The drug that was flowing through her veins was a refined version of the GH 325 serum that brought him back to life. The scientists at the base had found a way to eliminate the psychological side effects of the drug in patients who had not died, but not all subjects survived the initial regenerative shock. In his role as Commander, Fury found out about the healing properties of Kree blood and took this intelligence, along with part of a Kree warrior, back to Earth. Since Phil was familiar with the base and this tidbit about Kree biology, it only made sense that he would be the one to oversee project TAHITI. All of that knowledge had been wiped away after his death.       

 

Phil could not tear his eyes away from her convulsing body. His mind was keeping track as the seconds ticked by, knowing that the first fifteen minutes would determine whether Melinda would withstand the serum. Those were the longest fifteen minutes of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! So now you know why I gave you the last two happy chapters before this one. Thanks to the lovely Elle_you_oh for her beta work (you are the best!). 
> 
> Please leave a comment if you enjoyed this chapter or if you are liking the story so far. Or to tell me anything you want. Hearing from you keeps me going :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beginning the road to recovery and the memory protocol.

Melinda’s head was swimming--much like it felt after a few too many scotches--but she could feel very little other than that. Her body felt hazy, as if enveloped in a thick fog, with only echoes of sensations present. She took a few seconds to breathe and take in her current state. Memories of the mission came back to her suddenly and she tried to focus her attention on her abdomen, expecting to feel a dull pain breaking through the pain killers. _Nothing_. No pain whatsoever.

 

Opening her eyes, Melinda was assaulted by bright lights. Fighting the urge to shut out the light, she waited until her eyes adjusted and began inspecting her surroundings. She was laying in some sort of cylindrical chamber, a little bigger than a coffin, and she noticed IV lines connected to her arms. Through the glass window directly above her, she could see her reflection and the silhouette of a dark room. All the light was coming from within this cylinder. Although she had never been claustrophobic, Melinda started to feel trapped inside this small container and her pulse began to quicken. Just before she could test her ability to move, the room outside her chamber brightened and she saw a familiar face peering down at her. Her heart jumped; the sight of Phil’s smile always had that effect on her.

 

Phil’s lips were moving but she could not hear what he was saying. She tried to call out to him, managing to choke out some wheezing sounds before realizing that she was too weak and sedated to talk. He looked around the bigger room for a few seconds before she heard a clicking sound and a small red light lit up directly above her in the chamber.

 

“Melinda!” The sound of his voice clearly reaching her this time. His smile was replaced by a look of worry tinged with panic. “Are you ok? Do you need anything? Can I do something for you? Are you in any pain? The doctors will be here in a minute.”

 

She tried smiling at him, but she was unsure of her success. Her body still felt beyond her control.  

 

“I was so worried.” And after a few heartbeats he added, “I am so sorry. You should have never been on that mission. I should have picked someone else,” his voice was thick with guilt.

 

She tried to speak, failing again. Outside, he pressed his forehead against the glass and closed his eyes. Melinda May had never been fond of speaking, preferring to get her point across through actions instead. But now, as she looked at his pained expression, she wished she could find her voice and the words to tell him everything she felt. Starting with her love; she hadn’t told him that she loved him yet, and she needed to say those words out loud--she had kept them in chains for too long. She’d also tell him that the complications with the mission hadn’t been his fault. And he needed to understand that despite everything that happened and any physical consequences she could suffer, she’d never regret coming to find him.

 

As her feelings crystallized within her, she felt her body tugging her back into slumber. Before the darkness overtook her once more, she promised herself to tell him _everything_ as soon as she could speak again.   

  


The next time she awoke, she noticed that the lights in her medical coffin were turned low, matching the darkness coming from outside. Her mind was sharper this time, feeling like it did when she only had three or four scotches; it was still a bit hazy, but manageably so. As she took a moment to assess her condition, she felt a dull ache in her abdomen and sighed in relief. Pain she could tolerate. It was being drugged that held little appeal to her. Just like the first time, within seconds of opening her eyes, Phil’s face came into view. His smile was genuine but his features were tired and she wondered how long she had been in this chamber and whether he had moved from her side. Melinda knew the answer to the second question without a doubt; he had likely been with her the entire time.

 

Click, red light. “Hey,” he said in a soft and sweet voice. “Are you feeling better?” The panic was gone from his face, but the worry remained, along with an expression of pure love that made her heart flutter.

 

She nodded weakly. She felt better the moment she saw him. Taking a deep breath, she cleared her throat and once more tried to speak, “Phil…”

 

His face brightened, erasing years of worries and stress and turning him once again into the boyish agent she fell in love with three decades ago. She had always loved his smile.

 

Phil took a deep breath and said, “Before you say anything, I want you--no, I _need_ you to know how I feel about you.” He stopped to gauge her reaction. She nodded in encouragement, a smile forming on her cracked lips. “Mel, I love you. More than you could ever know. More than I’ve loved anyone or anything else in my life. I suspect I always have, since the beginning or close to it. I don’t expect you to feel the same or say anything. I just needed you to know in case I don’t get another chance to tell you. _I love you,_ and I always will.”

 

_He loves me!_ She was reeling from his confession--something she had dreamed about more times than she could count. She briefly questioned whether this was a hallucination brought on by her medications. Fighting the tears that were threatening to spill, Melinda cleared her throat once more, and with great effort said, “I... love... you.” As the words tumbled out, her heart began to soar. It was just then that she realized just how much she had been weighed down by keeping her feelings locked inside.  

 

She briefly saw his beaming smile before the lights all around her were suddenly turned on and two people came into view, pulling Phil away from the window. One of her IVs started pumping a cool liquid into her arm. She was soon floating inside her own body, her mind clouding. As her eyelids shut, she felt her pain dissipate before a dreamless sleep overpowered her.   

 

* * *

 

As the doctors began checking on Melinda, Phil was in a daze. Had he heard right? Did Melinda really say that she _loved_ him? _Him_? Of course he knew that she had feelings for him--their reunion a few days before had cleared all doubt from his mind. But he still hadn’t allowed himself to think that she could love him, not the way he loved her. _She’s high on pain meds._ He tried not to think too much about her confession, not until he could ask her about it when she was in control of her faculties again.  

 

Once the doctors stepped away from the healing chamber, he went to look at her again. Melinda was now sleeping, her face a mirror of the calm expression she wore when they rescued her six days before. Not for the first time that day, Phil was overcome with guilt. They assured him that she would make a full recovery and would have nothing more than the laser scar to show for her brush with death. That was too close. He put her in jeopardy by bringing her aboard the base. It’s true that she was the most qualified operative on John’s list, but he always had the option to keep her safe on Earth. Instead, he let his emotions dictate his actions and almost got her killed. And he injected her with an alien serum to keep her alive. It was true that this version was in a better stage of development than the GH 325 and that they didn’t expect psychological side effects, but it was still alien.

 

Phil had hardly left her side since she was rescued and he planned on staying with her until she was back in full health. After all, she’d be going home only after her wounds healed and they were certain she would not be suffering from any side effects. John had taken over his duties while he stood watch by Melinda’s side. Had the mission not gone south, she’d be on Earth right now. At least he’d be able to spend a couple of extra weeks with her. He let out a shaky laugh and shook his head. That was not something he should be happy about, but he couldn’t help the feeling of loss that overtook him when he thought about her return. Even now, knowing the danger that he put her through, there was a part of him that didn’t want her to go back. _And what do we do if she really loves me?_

 

“Sorry to interrupt Phil, but I thought you’d want to know what’s happening on the base.” John said while he cautiously approached Melinda's healing chamber.

 

“Go ahead. What’s happening?” Phil said, embracing the distraction from his thoughts.

 

“We were able to negotiate with the Nova Corps to recover the body of our fallen envoy, Janet Becker. One of our operatives is taking her remains back to Earth and will contact her agency with a plausible story about her demise. The Benefactors will be paying her family a significant sum for her contribution to the safety of the planet.” John kept his eyes trained on the floor, shame and sadness displaying on his features. Even if they would never admit it out loud, they both felt responsible for agent Becker’s death. For both men, there were no acceptable losses.

 

“What about the rest of the envoys?” Phil asked, realizing that he had completely disengaged himself from his work during the last six days.

 

“Agent Phillips is still recovering in a healing chamber. The Medics think he’ll be well enough to return to Earth in about two weeks. The remaining six have returned to Earth and the memory protocol has been engaged.”

 

“Memory protocol?” Phil thought he remembered hearing that phrase before, but in his sleep-deprived state, its meaning escaped him. It sounded important.

 

“The memory protocol is in place to keep information about our base and our mission safe from the public. Everyone who comes aboard the base is fitted with memory implants that can be remotely accessed to wipe any and all memories formed after implantation.” No, this memory protocol did not ring a bell. 

 

“Okay, so when the memory protocol was engaged, our envoys lost memories of the mission?” A sinking feeling started to spread through his body, his chest suddenly heavy.

 

“When our envoys returned back to Earth, they lost all memories from the moment they were recruited until they set foot back on firm ground. To them, it’s as if none of this ever happened.”

 

As John’s words hit Phil, he began to collapse into the chair next to Melinda’s healing chamber. A cold shiver started running up his spine as he realized what this could mean. Still, he needed to be sure.

 

“I see,” he paused. “Who controls these implants?” Phil asked, trying to keep a calm facade, but failing to control his rising heart rate.

 

“The Benefactors. As I said, _everyone_ who comes aboard the base has memory implants, including you and me. With visitors, the memory wipe is automatic upon their return to Earth.”

 

And there it was, confirmation of his worst fears. _She won’t remember._ Phil’s body froze and he forgot how to breathe. As his body sat perfectly still, his mind was a raging storm. So many thoughts, images, and feelings flooded his system that he was completely overwhelmed.

 

“Is there a way to disable the implants without memory loss?” Phil’s voice came out cracked and defeated.

 

“No.” John took a few steps toward him and put a hand on Phil’s shoulder. “I always thought asking you to commit to this life when you were so young was cruel. You didn’t even know what you were giving up.”  

 

“I… I didn’t have anything to give up.”

 

“But now you do. I still remember when they brought you here for the first time--you still looked like a teenager. I saw your potential and I agreed with their selection, but I didn’t agree with their methods. Fury thought it would be better to give you time to prepare for this role, to get used to the idea of leaving Earth one day. He was convinced that you could balance SHIELD and the base, just like he did for so many years. I thought it’d be better if you didn’t have much of a life on Earth to begin with. I was afraid of something like this.”  

 

Phil looked up at John, tears forming at the corners of his eyes. The wise and weathered man in front of him had been a constant in Phil’s three decades on the base. He was Fury’s right hand and he agreed to postpone his retirement from the Deputy Commander post until Phil could find a suitable replacement. In truth, John had been more of a Commander than Fury, mostly because John lived on the base and oversaw all aspects of its operation. Fury made the tough choices, but John made sure the machine was well oiled. And now he was doing that for the new Commander.

 

The burden of protecting the Earth always weighed heavily on Phil's shoulders; now it was crushing him. He couldn’t escape his responsibility, but he wanted nothing more than to go back to Earth with Melinda and have a normal life. Or any life that she may want to have with him. Instead, he was trapped and isolated far away from home and with no way to return.

 

“What can I do, John?” Phil buried his face in his hands.  

 

Phil trusted John completely. He had often sought advice from the older man, learning from his calm and collected demeanor. It was John who taught Phil to control his emotions, to take things in stride and not panic. If anyone could help him through this terrible loss, it was his Deputy.  

 

“This may be difficult to hear, but maybe it’s for the best that she return to Earth without knowing about the memory protocol. In a few years--sooner maybe--the Benefactors will trust you enough to let you go to Earth and you can find her then. Save her the pain of knowing she'll forget.”

 

Phil’s shoulders sagged; he had already thought of that. Those few years would be torture for both of them. And she wouldn’t know how he felt, wouldn’t understand why he had to leave. She may even lose all hope of seeing him again, and he didn’t want to do that to her. Hurt her like that.

 

_What can we do?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you are still enjoying this story. I live for your comments and feedback, so let me know what you think! 
> 
> This chapter wasn't beta'd so I apologize for any mistakes!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Recovery and a nice swim.

A week. Melinda had to spend a full week inside the healing chamber after waking up. Although she spent most of it in a medication-induced haze, she had plenty of time to be annoyed by her confinement. The doctors said it was the only way to prevent infections and make sure her body had everything it needed to rebuild the damaged tissue and organs. They told her it was for her own good. But to her, laying down in a claustrophobically small container for a week was only slightly better than death. She couldn’t even watch tv or read in there.

 

Phil was with her every day, trying his best to keep her occupied. Her heart leapt each time she saw his sweet smile, the memory of his love confession a little foggy but still firmly planted in her mind. They talked--or rather he talked--about everything and nothing, just like they had during stakeouts. Although she loved having her best friend back, she knew that something was wrong. As he looked down at her, his eyes betrayed a pain that she couldn’t understand. Or maybe she could. _What happens next?_

 

When she was finally allowed to leave the healing chamber and was transferred to a medical bed, Melinda felt like she could breathe again. Stretching her arms and legs felt wonderful. And of course, now she could actually _touch_ Phil. _How could I go so long without touching him before?_ Not once did she wake up in her new bed without seeing him sitting by her side, holding her hand. She was a little worried about whether he was sleeping and eating, but she still welcomed his presence and was comforted by his touch. Sometimes he’d sit on her bed and plant soft kisses all over her face, smiling brightly in between each one. But in other times, he’d wear a serious expression and look at her as if trying to memorize her features. Any attempt to uncover what was bothering him was deflected. She’d make sure they’d talk about this when they reduced her pain medication.   

 

On her second day outside the healing chamber, Phil was sitting on her bed and being quieter than usual. After watching her for what felt like an eternity without saying anything, he finally spoke.

 

“There’s something you need to know about your recovery.” He took a deep breath and broke eye contact before continuing. “You were close to death when we found you on the floor of the ship; your organs were failing and your heart was starting to give out. The base protocol in these situations calls for the use of a regenerative serum. It’s a serum that’s closely related to the GH 325 I was injected with,” his eyes finally met hers and she saw guilt all over them.

 

She nodded slowly.

 

He continued, “I’m afraid that without the regenerative properties of the Kree blood, we wouldn’t have been able to save your life. Your organ damage was severe and even if by some miracle we could have kept you alive until they could operate on you and then by another miracle you survived the extensive surgeries needed to replace the injured tissue and organs, your quality of life would have been severely impacted. I’m so sorry, Mel.”

 

She remembered lying on the floor of the floor of the ship, certain of her own impending death. In that moment, Phil was all she could think about. She didn’t want to die because she didn’t want to leave him--not then. And now she found out that she was alive and talking to Phil, holding his hand, because of an alien serum. Did it matter to her where it came from? What it could do to her? No. It didn’t. She was alive and that was enough for her.

 

“Should I expect the same side effects you had?”

 

“No. Our scientists were able to separate the homing DNA markers in the lighter version of the serum that you received; you won’t suffer any psychological side effects like I did. There’s a possibility that your body will react negatively to the regenerating impulse within your cells, so we’ll keep you on the base for observation for a couple of more weeks.”

 

“Good. I’m not as good at carving as you are.” Phil’s pained expression broke briefly at her joke. “Phil, now you understand. I may not have agreed with Fury’s methods, but when I heard you were dead, I would have given _anything_ to have you back. Had it been my call, you’d be exactly where you are right now. Alive.”

 

“Melinda…”

 

“Stop feeling guilty. You did what you had to do and I’m glad you did. I was afraid to die up there because I didn’t want to leave you. Not now that we... “ she reached out her hand to clasp his, “are finally together. I wouldn’t give this up for anything in the world.”

 

Phil squeezed her hand and closed his eyes. She thought she saw grief flash through his face, but she couldn’t be sure. Bringing her hand to his lips, he planted a sweet kiss on her knuckles. He gathered her gingerly in his arms and they lay together in her bed in a loose embrace. Being in his arms brought her so much comfort that she kicked herself for denying herself this for so long. But now they had a chance to have a future together, even if it meant only seeing each other every few months or years. She’d take what she could get.  

 

John came to see her a few times during her recovery. She had come to really appreciate the man, and not just because he brought her to Phil. During those visits she saw that John and Phil were close, their mutual respect apparent as they recounted anecdotes from their shared past. Through these conversations she learned more about Phil’s long journey to becoming Commander, including Fury’s decision to postpone his permanent appointment because his “one good eye” was still needed in SHIELD. John spoke of Phil as a son, extolling his maturity, his strategic mastery, and his character. The light blush on Phil’s face when John spoke of him warmed her heart. The early loss of his father marked Phil’s life and left him with a hole he could never fill; she was grateful to John for stepping into that role for Phil. Still, she couldn’t help feeling that the relationship between the two men showed just how much Phil had kept from her all these years. He had a whole other life that she was only now learning about. Her thoughts on his omission were far from resolved. That was something else they would have to talk about after she recovered.

 

During one of John’s visits, he expressed his worry at Phil’s haggard and sleep-deprived state, suggesting that he take better care of himself. Perhaps knowing that Phil wouldn’t leave her side for long while she was recuperating, John encouraged him to swim to at least keep his body engaged and clear his head. Phil smiled at the idea and promised he would think about it once she was feeling better.

 

At the mention of swimming, Melinda’s mouth watered and her insides tightened.

 

The first time she had really noticed Phil Coulson was one late night when she thought she was the only person left at the Academy gym. As she made her way to the unisex locker room, she heard water splashing and her curiosity led her to investigate. Walking into the pool area, she noticed that the only source of light was the pool itself, which was glowing in a surreal cyan color that cast flowing shadows on everything around it. Inside the pool was a man swimming in practiced, elegant strokes. She couldn’t tear her eyes away from the whole image; the darkened room, the illuminated pool, the rippling waves, and the body of the man reflecting the light enticingly. Melinda lost track of time as she watched him, fascinated by his form, specially his flawless flip turns before starting a new lap. He clearly knew what he was doing.

Finally, he stopped to catch his breath before exiting the pool. From her vantage point in the shadows, she saw the Comms cadet Phil Coulson emerge from the water, his swimming trunks clinging to him and water drops sliding down his toned muscles. She recognized him and knew his name, but that was the first time she noticed how handsome he was. She licked her lips and forced herself to leave before he could see her.

 

Melinda spent days trying to forget the image of a half-naked Coulson coming out of the water. When she realized that his midnight swims were part of his daily routine, she gave up trying, instead making sure she was there to witness them as often as she could. He never knew she spied on him and she was never able to shake the images of his wet body from her head. They occupied her fantasies more times than she cared to admit.   

 

When John left them to go back to the command center, she had to ask Phil about it.             

 

“So, have you been swimming again?” She tried to say in a disinterested tone. All the while, images of Phil swimming were making her aware of parts of her that she had forgotten about since she had been injured.

 

“Uh huh,” he nodded before adding,”the base has a lap pool in the gym area and I’ve always found swimming calming. I try to swim as often as possible, even if for just a few laps. Of course that depends on what’s happening at the base.” He blushed lightly and looked away from her. She found him adorable. And sexy.

 

“Maybe once I’m up and walking again, I can come watch you swim,” she said finding her hands fascinating. Melinda could think of nothing better than watching him swim. Okay, she _could_ think of something better, but she knew she wasn’t healthy enough for that yet. _But soon…_

 

He moved from a chair to her bed, clasping both of her hands in his as he did so. Leaning forward, he kissed her slowly and deeply; this kiss a far cry from the chaste ones they had shared throughout her convalescence. As the parted for air, he looked at her with love, tenderness, and a hint of desire and said, “I’d love that.”

 

She couldn’t wait.  

 

* * *

 

Melinda’s recovery was going well; soon, she would be cleared to return to Earth. Every time he thought about that, his heart sank as he remembered the memory protocol. Although he contemplated John’s suggestion of not telling her about it, Phil knew that this was something she needed to know about. Indeed, he was planning on telling her that day, as she seemed to be doing better and was taking less pain medications. His chest tightened when he pictured her reaction to the news. He knew it wouldn’t be good.

 

Phil pushed those thoughts away--Melinda needed him as she recovered and he was going to be there for her. They both needed to enjoy the time they had on the base; he was well aware that this could be their only chance to be together.

 

That’s why he put on a brave face as he made his way to the medical bay to see Melinda. She had forced him to go rest in his own quarters now that she was feeling better. He hated to admit how good it felt to sleep in a bed again; he had spent every night since she was injured--almost two weeks now--by her side. Now more than ever, Phil felt like his age was catching up to him. But despite how nice it was to sleep in a bed again, it was nothing compared to what it was like to wake up with _her_ in his bed. _Maybe, before she goes back…_

 

Today, Melinda would be allowed to go out of the medical bay for a few hours to give her a break from the doctors, and to give _them_ a break from her. Her wound had closed and her organs were healing nicely; the biggest remnant of her brush with death was the residual exhaustion from the tremendous energy her body required to regenerate the damaged tissue. She was still having to sleep every couple of hours to recover. As he arrived at her bedside, she greeted him with a bright smile. His heart did a backflip every time he saw that smile and he was seeing it more and more these days. Phil leaned over her on the bed to give her a brief kiss before sitting next to her. A wicked smile spread over his features.

 

“Melinda, you still don’t look well enough to go out of the medical bay, I think we’ll have to postp--”

 

“Oh no! You are _not_ leaving me here. I can still take you, Phil” she almost growled.  

 

He let out a hearty laugh before raising his palms in surrender. “Okay, okay! As you command. I don’t think I could back out even if I wanted to, my medical team might go on strike. They are looking forward to a few hours without you making their lives miserable.” The glint in her eyes told him she was in excellent spirits that day.

 

Phil gingerly helped her out of her bed and onto a wheelchair, his hands lingering on her body longer than necessary. He relished any contact with her. _She’s alive._

 

Her recovery clothes, light gray loose pants and a zippered long sleeve shirt, monitored her heart rate and temperature, and would send a signal to her doctors if any blood came in contact with the fabric. That left little need for her to be in the medical bay. As long as she agreed to be wheeled around the base, the doctors had no problem letting her get out of the medical bay for a few hours. That was the only reason she reluctantly agreed to using the wheelchair.

 

Standing behind her, he asked, “Where to?”

 

“You know where.” He did, but he wanted to hear her say it.

 

“My memory must be failing, I don’t recall…”

 

He didn’t need to see her to know she was rolling her eyes. “The pool, Phil. You’re gonna swim for me.”

 

“You just want to see me half naked,” he said playfully.

 

“Maybe I do.” He could hear the smile in her voice.

 

“Well, now I feel objectified.”

 

“Just now? I’m pretty sure I’ve been objectifying you for over thirty years.” He had missed their flirty banter. She was truly in a good mood that day.

 

Once at the gym, he wheeled her to an area where she could see the entire length of the pool without obstructions. At this time of the day, they were the only ones there. The turquoise pool had two 25 meter lanes separated by black racing lane lines. At one end of the room there was a huge window--displaying stars, planets, and asteroids--that made the whole scene look surreal. Phil kissed her forehead before heading to the locker room to change.

 

A few minutes later, he came back to her holding a dark gray towel and only wearing a pair of  standard-issue black swimming trunks that stopped a few inches above his knees. As he noticed her eyes openly roaming over his body, he was glad that he wasn’t wearing compression-style trunks. Not that she hadn’t seen him naked before, but things between them were still so new that he felt a little shy under her appreciative gaze. He clutched the towel a little tighter against his chest, hiding his scar.

 

Melinda seemed to notice this and when he was standing in front of her, she gently pulled the towel from his hands. He took a deep breath. She motioned him to come closer to get and when he bent down to her level, she placed a hand over the jagged tissue. Keeping eye contact she whispered, “you don’t need to hide any part of you from me, Phil.”

 

Her words, coupled with the delicate caress of her fingers over his scar made him lightheaded. He didn’t think he could love her anymore than he already did, but it seemed that when it came to her, the impossible was possible. He leaned down for a slow, tender kiss that almost made him forget where he was and what he was about to do. When they pulled apart, they were both smiling shyly. Their new intimacy was both welcome and confusing--neither seemed to know exactly how to act now that their walls had been finally torn down and there was nothing to prevent them from expressing their feelings.

 

Walking toward the starting block, Phil was very conscious her eyes trained on his ass. Throughout the years, he had caught her checking him out quite a few times when she didn’t think he could see her. But now she was brazen; he was delighted.

 

Phil stood on the starting block, put on the goggles he had in his pocket, and took a deep breath. A second later, his body was arching in the air and cutting through the still water of the pool in one elegant movement. As he propelled himself forward underwater, all thoughts left his mind. By the time he emerged on the surface, his right arm extended in front of him and his head tilted to the left to take a breath, his entire attention was on his body. His muscles were fully awake and engaged in the task at hand. All worry disappeared, as if washed away by the water he was gliding through.

 

Swimming had always been one of his favorite activities; he even earned college scholarships for it. He enjoyed the single-mindedness of the sport; the way it engaged his whole body, leaving his muscles screaming after a race; the quiet solitude he felt underwater. And the fact that Melinda liked to watch him. He was well aware that she used to sneak into the Academy pool at night while he swam. She wasn’t as subtle as she thought she was and he wasn’t as clueless as she thought him to be. Phil had wanted to ask her about it since then, but never found the words or the courage. He was overjoyed that somehow, after all these years, she still enjoyed watching him swim.

 

His practiced strokes broke through the surface of the water at an even pace. Phil may have been going a little faster than normal to impress Melinda, but he was still within his endurance level. Before he reached the end of the pool, he pulled his arms by his sides and bent his body forward in a somersault, lifting his legs above him. As his feet reached the back of the pool and pushed off, he twisted his body sideways, his arms reaching forward, and he began to dolphin kick until he broke the water line again. He did all of this without thinking, his muscle memory taking control of his movements.

 

Phil continued gracefully slicing through the water for a few more laps before stopping to check on Melinda. He swam to the middle of the lane and lifted himself slightly off the water, propping his head on his arms over the side of the pool. “Are you bored yet? Want me stop?”

 

“No. Not bored. _At all_.” Her mischievous smile sent a shiver down his spine. “Looking good, Phil. Swimming agrees with you.”

 

“Do you mind if I do a few more laps?”

 

“I’d be disappointed if you stopped right now,” her voice turned deeper and he was very aware of her intense gaze. Before he could let his thoughts wander into dangerous territory, he let himself fall back in the pool and started swimming again. This time the water was failing at washing away all his thoughts.

 

Phil finished his twentieth lap and stood in the water for a few minutes, catching his breath. His faster pace had caught up with him around the fifteenth lap, but he was determined to reach 1000 meters so he pushed on. When his heart rate had slowed enough, he left the pool and made his way back to Melinda. As soon as his body was out of the water, he was very conscious of the way the wet swimming trunks clung to him. Her gaze was predatory now, and he was both relieved and disappointed by the limitations imposed by her recovery. She slowly rose from her chair. When he got to her side, she slipped both arms around his neck and pulled him in for passionate kiss. His hands found her hips, but he was careful to keep distance between their bodies, both because of her injury and his wet skin and shorts.

 

One of her hands slid down and began rubbing his chest in slow sensuous strokes. They broke apart to breathe and he noticed just how wide her pupils were. His were probably just as wide and his swimming trunks were starting to feel a little tight. This was bad. _Really bad._

 

“Uh, Melinda? I think it’s best if I… I go change now.”  As he stepped away from her, he felt her hand grasp his wrist roughly.

 

“Not yet,” she almost growled. She grabbed his towel from the wheelchair and began to slowly dry his skin. He was rooted to the spot, unable to move or form words. Melinda started with his shoulders, carefully capturing all the droplets she encountered. The veil of lust he was trying to escape still hung around them, but her gestures and movements also showed incredible tenderness and love. She moved the towel to his chest, paying special attention to the uneven skin over his heart. Melinda kept her whole attention on his body, as if she were trying to immortalize this moment in her brain. She made him turn around and applied the same care to his back, also pausing a bit longer on the scar near his spine. As she reached the waistband of his swimming trunks she sighed and stopped.

 

“You better go change,” the disappointment in her voice was thick.  

 

He faced her and grabbed both of her hands in his and said, “I love you.” She was only able to nod in response, her eyes betraying a sadness that he understood and shared. It wasn’t going to be easy to break the news of the memory protocol to her, and his heart ached at the thought that she wouldn’t remember any of this when she returned home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Elle_you_oh for being an awesome beta! As always, your work is appreciated. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I felt like we all needed a break from The Angst and swimming Phil seemed like a great way to do it. I may or may not have to do some sketches of that scene ;) 
> 
> As always, let me know what you think! Drop me a line about anything! I enjoy hearing from you.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dreaded conversation

“When I get back, we need to talk.” The serious tone of Phil’s voice and the sadness she could see in his eyes made her afraid.

 

Melinda knew what the conversation would be about, but she still didn’t know if Phil was resigned to being apart or whether he would fight their fate. Now that she had him, _all of him_ , she couldn’t imagine her life without him.

 

Looking at the pool in front of her, she decided to push those thoughts away and bring back the memories of the moment they just shared. She didn’t think she could ever forget the image of Phil coming out of the pool earlier, just like she never forgot the image of him doing that over thirty years ago. Seeing that man half naked and wet did things to her. And she was very pleased to see that he was still a strong and graceful swimmer. Given the chance, Melinda could watch him swim for hours--as long as she could run her hands all over him when he got out. She let out a frustrated sigh. If she weren’t injured, she knew that they would have ended up in his bed again. _I miss touching him_.

 

As she silently cursed her health, she realized that her injury was the only reason she was still in space two weeks after the mission ended. John had confirmed that everyone else who came on board for the mission had returned to Earth except for her and Phillips. Maybe she couldn’t jump into bed with Phil in her current condition, but at least she had been able to spend time with him these last couple of weeks. They confessed their feelings and had continued to move forward in their relationship. And she’d be on the base for a least another week while her organs healed completely and they monitored her for possible side effects to the serum. So in a twisted way, she was glad to have been blasted in the stomach with a laser. She stifled a laugh. That was the kind of ridiculous thought that Phil would have.

 

In that moment, Melinda saw Phil approaching her, fully dressed and with his hair still wet. How she wished she could have helped him out of those clingy, wet swimming trunks. He smiled as he reached her side, but she could tell that he was preoccupied with their impending talk.

 

“Is there anywhere you’d like to go? Anything you’d like to do while you are free from your medical shackles?” He was trying to keep his tone light but failing.  

 

“I want to see the Commander’s fancy new quarters.” After spending the night on that too small bunk together, Phil had petitioned to be relocated to the Commander’s quarters. No one objected and she wondered if he could have done that earlier--he probably didn’t think to ask. The idea was to be alone with him. They could have that talk in his room and maybe even cuddle a little after; she really missed being held by him and she wasn’t ashamed to admit it.

 

“Perfect. I was thinking about taking you there too.” He stepped behind her wheelchair and began to push her toward his new quarters.

 

“Why? Were you planning anything fun?” She teased.

 

“Oh, uhmm--I… No, I just thought... I mean, we could sit and talk.” She could almost hear the blush spreading over him, picture the look of embarrassment he must have been sporting. He didn’t say anything else the rest of the way to his quarters and she knew that things must be more dire than she thought. She didn’t like it when Phil was too quiet. A cold fear took root at the base of her spine.

 

“Here we are!” He said with fake excitement before unlocking the door. The first thing Melinda noticed was the massive floor to ceiling window that spanned the whole length of the room. The stars and asteroids made a spectacular backdrop to the suite. “This is the living area.” Next to the front entrance, there was a small sitting area with real furniture that included a loveseat, a chair, and a coffee table. To the right, she could see a round dining table with four chairs and a small kitchenette. “And now I have a kitchen!” He couldn’t contain his real excitement at that last bit of information. A screen, similar to the ones in the command center, filled the entire wall to the left of the entrance. The walls were of a clean white instead of the dirty metal color in his room.

 

Melinda was tired of sitting, so with Phil’s help, she rose from her chair and continued exploring his quarters on her own two feet. They slowly walked toward a door next to the kitchenette that opened into his bedroom. This room also had a massive window that covered an entire wall. She saw a big, comfortable-looking bed facing the window. _That’ll do nicely_ , she thought. As in the living area, there was a screen covering one of the walls; both were a reminder of Phil’s role in this base. Work could call at any time. The tour finished in his bathroom, whose main attributes were that it was private and that it had bathtub as well as a shower. _This will also do nicely_.  

They walked back to the living area and sat together on the loveseat, their knees touching. Phil wrapped his arm around her shoulders and carefully brought her close to him for a hug. Turning to face him, she buried her face in his neck and practically crawled on his lap as she tried to get as close as possible to him. They sat like that in silence for a few minutes, both taking great comfort from the contact. She was very aware of Phil’s abnormally high heart beat and worry gripped her again; he was generally well in control of his body and his thoughts.

 

“How bad is it?” There was no sense in avoiding this conversation now, not when they were both so on edge.

 

“Melinda…”

 

“Tell me. We’ll find a solution together, but I need to know.”

 

She felt his body heave as he took a deep breath, his heart rate seemed to speed up at the gesture. He pulled back from their embrace to look at her as he spoke. “There’s something called the Memory Protocol that will be activated when you go back to Earth. They…” Phil paused to take another deep breath before adding, “I didn’t know this, but they inserted memory implants in your brain when you came on board. When you go home, they’ll automatically wipe all memories created from the moment you were recruited until you are back on Earth.”

 

Melinda felt like all the air in the room had rushed out. Her throat constricted and her hands closed into tight fists. She had run through possible scenarios in her mind, ways in which they could find a way to be happy, ways in which they may not. But this, this was something beyond her imagination. A nightmare she wasn’t prepared for. The thought of forgetting these last couple of weeks was terrifying and sickening. As they sat in silence, Phil looking at her with compassion and love, she did what she could to process this information. Trying to find a solution.

 

“Is there a way to stop the memory wipe?” She finally asked, several minutes after Phil had spoken.

 

“No. The implant is designed to activate when you are back on Earth’s gravity. I asked the Benefactors to reprogram your implant, but they refused. Their only rule for Commanders is that no one on Earth must know what is being done here. I told them they didn’t have to worry about you--I mean you don’t even talk that much--but they will make no exceptions. All the implants are controlled from Earth, no one on the base can reprogram them.”

 

“What about removing it?”

 

“The implant is nanobot designed to activate the memory wipe if forcibly removed.”

 

“How is it going to get out of my head?”

 

“They dissolve from contact with our blood and tissue, but that takes about ten years. The implant shouldn’t affect any of the functions of your brain even after it’s activated.”

 

“What if I don’t go back?” She asked in a whisper.

 

The desperation she felt as she looked for Phil all those months was coming back, settling heavily on her chest. She couldn’t forget, she _wouldn't_ forget this. Not now that they had finally jumped through all the hurdles they had imposed on themselves; not now that they had finally spoken about their feelings. He loved her. She had thought about the possibility of only seeing Phil on Earth every few years and perhaps coming up to the base a few times to help with missions; she was convinced that the memories of their time together would sustain her in her wait. But now, she wouldn’t even have those to fall back on--she’d be back to her desperate search, back to not knowing if she was ever going to see him again, back to being in the dark about his feelings. And she wouldn’t remember the way her body reacted to his touch, what it felt like to kiss him, to be one with him. _This isn’t fair!_

 

“I love you,” he whispered, gathering her back to him and rubbing her back soothingly.

 

They clung to each other, both openly grieving this relationship that had just started. She really thought that they would find a way to make things work this time, that even if they had to be away from each other most of the time, they would take comfort in knowing they were together at heart. She felt their impending loss keenly. At some point during their grief-stricken embrace, she had fully crawled sideways onto his lap, his arms securely holding her to him. As her tears finally started to fall, she wondered if she’d ever be happy again.

 

* * *

 

When Phil felt Melinda’s tears soaking his shirt, his heart contracted painfully. He had only seen the woman he loved cry once before in the lifetime they had known each other, and that time her heart had been irreparably broken. Guilt hit him like a tidal wave; _he_ did this to her. While he couldn’t bring himself to regret anything that had happened since she had come on board the base, he also couldn’t help but think about all that she’d suffered at his behest. More than her tears, her questions broke his heart. He had thought long and hard about how to avoid this fate and had come up empty. He wished he could have found a way, but so far the solution to this terrible nightmare had eluded him.

 

“Phil?”

 

“Mmmm?” He hummed, not trusting his voice.  

 

“I’m not going back to the medical bay. I’m staying here until… until… the end.”

 

He thought about protesting, but he knew that would be futile. Her wound was mostly healed and the main concern now was determining whether she would suffer any side effects from the serum. They could easily monitor that without having her stay in the med bay. In a time when Phil wanted to give her the world, this was all he could give. “Okay, I’ll talk to the medical team. You should be comfortable here.”

 

The thought of sharing a bed with her again left a bittersweet taste in his mouth. He never wanted to let go of Melinda again, not now that he knew what it was like to wake up next to her.

 

Phil felt her yawn against his neck and realized just how tired she must have been. These last few days, she had only been able to stay awake for a couple of hours at a time, her exhaustion forcing her to nap more often than she was comfortable with. He hooked his right arm under her legs and held her torso to him as he lifted both of them off the couch. Her arms looped around his neck and held onto him tightly as he walked toward the bedroom. Gingerly, he placed her on the right side of the bed and tucked her under the plush covers. If for nothing else, he was glad that these Commander’s quarters would be comfortable for Melinda while she stayed on the base; he knew he’d never be comfortable again after she left.

 

Sitting next to her on the bed, he delicately pushed a few strands of hair from her face and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. Before he could pull away, she grabbed his neck and guided his lips to her own. That kiss started gentle, their lips just touching, but soon grew as she sought to taste him. She held him against her as her tongue explored his mouth, and soon he was lost in the sensations of kissing her. When they pulled back for air, he realized that he had to be strong for both of them and walk away. He stroked the soft skin of her cheek with his thumb and planted another kiss on her forehead before getting up from the bed.

 

“I’ll go talk to the doctors about your new sleeping arrangements and then I’ll stop by the command center. I’ll try to be back before you wake up in a couple of hours.” He could see disappointment in her eyes, but he also saw the exhaustion she was fighting; she’d be asleep within seconds of him leaving.

  


The conversation with the medical team went easier than expected. The staff was more than happy to be rid of such a difficult patient, so they gave him more information about her recovery that would help him keep an eye on her. The asked that she come in once a day for a check-up, but other than that, she was free to stay in his quarters as long as she continued to sleep as much as her body required. He expected people to give him strange looks or question his relationship to Melinda, but so far that hadn’t happened. There were no anti-fraternization rules because the base operated under very few limitations--successfully completing the mission was their only goal. With the high stakes involved, there had never been a reason to interfere in employee relationships.    

 

Before he could walk away, Doctor Khan, a woman he had known for at least ten years now, asked to talk to him. “Sir, the patient is healing very nicely, and her tissue and organs should be fully regenerated within 18 hours. We will of course keep her under observation for another week while we determine if she will suffer from any side effects from the serum. Her strength and stamina should also be returning within the next few days, though that could take her a few weeks depending on her level of fitness.”

 

Phil was a little surprised, he knew all of this already, he wasn’t sure why Doctor Khan had felt the need to repeat this information to him alone. When he didn’t say anything, she began to fidget and he saw her blush.

 

“I guess, what I’m trying to say, is that after her body regenerates the patient will be able to… engage… in _any_ type of physical activity she wants to engage in--as long as she doesn’t…   _overexert_ herself and gives herself time to recover afterward.” Doctor Khan had long broken eye contact by the time she finished that tortuous sentence, her face somehow turning a deeper shade of red as the words tumbled out of her mouth. He felt his own face becoming hot as realized just what she was saying to him, understanding immediately why she had wanted to speak to him alone.

 

“Uh, thank you for the thorough report, Doctor Khan. I’m sure Agent May will be happy to know she can return to her physical training as soon as tomorrow.”

 

Doctor Khan nodded, and he thought he could detect a glint in her eye as she did so. “She asked me… she had asked me to tell her _and_ you when she could, hmm, engage in _physical_ activities.” Before he could respond, the woman had turned and walked away from him briskly.

 

As he walked toward the command center, all he could think about was Melinda. The thought that she would be medically cleared to engage in _any_ physical activity within the next 18 hours made him a little lightheaded. And she had specifically asked when this would happen and had wanted him to know. He buried that thought, and all the images it conjured, in the back of his mind as he entered the command center.

 

There, he found John looking grimly at one of the screens, his arms firmly crossed over his chest. As he saw Phil enter, his lips pulled into a tight line and he shook his head. Before Phil could ask what was wrong, John said, “A new mission came in and we’ll need you to command from the field. You and your team will deploy in an hour.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this! This chapter was not beta'd so I apologize for any mistakes you may find. 
> 
> I updated sooner than planned because I just found out yesterday that I'm being deployed for 45 days to help with the federal recovery efforts in Texas after Hurricane Harvey. I leave in a couple of hours, in fact. I don't know what kind of conditions I'll be staying in, so it's possible it may take me a while to post the next chapter. I'll do my best to keep posting on weekends, but I can't promise anything. I'm not even sure I'll have internet access. 
> 
> Rest assured that the next few chapters have been written (at least a first draft), so this fic WILL BE FINISHED. I space out the posting to give my beta time to review and to check for internal consistency and all that. I apologize in advance if I can't post for a while! I'm sure you lovely, compassionate people will understand. 
> 
> As always, I appreciate any feedback you may give! Seriously, I live on your comments. So feel free to leave one below :) Thanks!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bitter goodbye. Melinda seeks answers.

When Melinda woke up, she was immediately disoriented. As the seconds ticked by, it all slowly came back to her. Space, Phil, their night together, the mission, her injuries, her recovery, the pool, and the memory protocol. She sat up suddenly as she remembered that last part, fear spreading through her. Sinking into the pillows once again, she let herself be enveloped in the sweet scent that lingered in the bed. It smelled like Phil. The urge to be with him assaulted her again, making her feel lightheaded. She needed him. She wanted him. He wasn’t in the room and she felt her chest tightening. Just when she was about to get up and go look for him outside the bedroom, the door opened.

 

Phil, wearing tactical gear and a serious expression, briskly entered the room. Something was wrong. Without saying a word, he sat on the bed next to her and leaned down to kiss her deeply. She held onto the back of his head with both hands as she melted into his kiss, her need mixing with fear. For a few seconds, Phil and that kiss were all that existed for her. When her fingers, trailing down his back, made contact with his tactical vest, that illusion was shattered. Clearly something was wrong. He was still kissing her, his tongue exploring her mouth, and she let herself be swept into that contact once again. She knew he would tell her what was wrong soon. For now, she wanted to enjoy this. By the time they pulled away, Phil was almost laying on her, they were both breathless, and their lips were red and swollen. Under different circumstances, she would have been thrilled by this turn of events. The worried look on his face made her prepare for the worst.

 

“I love you so much,” he said, and her heart tightened but she stayed quiet to let him continue. “Mel, there’s a mission. I have to go command from the field.”

 

This was unexpected. Yes, he was wearing tactical gear, but she thought that as Commander he was safe from field action. A million other scenarios had run through her head before he spoke, but this was not one of them. Fear and dread gripped her. Having seen how easily things could go wrong, Melinda wanted Phil to be as far away from the action as possible. That had always been her wish, since they first met.     

“Why?” Her voice was quiet and calm, but she gripped his shoulders tightly, keeping him close to her.

 

“It’s a delicate mission that could play out in a number of different ways. It could even end in a negotiation. I need to be there.”

 

“Do it from here, you were fine directing the last mission.” Even as she said that, she wished she hadn’t brought up that mission. The corners of his lips turned down as he looked pained.

 

“Where we are going, we can’t use comms. Not with the base, not locally. Our operatives need me there.”

 

She liked the sound of this mission less and less. And judging by the kiss they had just shared, he was also a little afraid. “Don’t go,” was her weak response.

 

“Mel, you know I have to go.” He caressed her cheek with such tenderness that she had trouble imagining him anywhere but here in bed with her.

 

“Let me come with you. I’m healed and I can watch your b---”

 

“No. You are not. And even if you were, I’ve already put you in enough danger.”

 

Melinda closed her eyes and sighed. She knew she wasn’t going to change anything, Phil had a plan and he rarely deviated from those. “Be safe and come back to me. Don’t do anything stupid or brave. Promise me.”

 

“I promise.” It was futile to make a promise like that, but it made her feel better to hear him say the words.

 

“How long and how dangerous?”

 

“Our intel is limited, so there’s no way to really know either of those things with certainty. I’ve been monitoring that situation for a couple of months now, so I have some ideas of how things could play out. We’ll see.”

 

Her heart dropped to the pit of her stomach. After years of working together and seeing his tactical abilities, Melinda had learned to trust Phil’s judgment. He was the best at what he did. But that was only true if he had proper and complete information in front of him. Now he was going in almost blind. She didn’t like that and she knew he didn’t either. Before she could say anything, he leaned down and captured her lips with his own again, but this time in a brief and tender kiss.

 

“I love you, Melinda.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and back, pressing him into her and she felt him bury his head in her neck as they embraced. Soon, he was pulling back from her and sitting on the bed once again. “I need to go, they are waiting for me. I didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye first.”

 

“I love you, Phil. I’ll see you on the other side.” He stood and quickly walked out of the room. Seconds later, she heard the door to the suite open and close.

  
  


Melinda needed to find answers. There were too many questions floating in her mind and she had nothing but time. So she got up and went to talk to the one person who could answer most of her questions.

 

John was not surprised to see her at the command center--in fact, it looked like he had been expecting her. Not looking away from the screen he was monitoring, he motioned for her to come in and sit down next to him. “Come in, Melinda. I’m glad you are well enough to be moving about the base.”

 

She sat on the chair next to him and looked at the screen he was facing. It had the schematics of a building and some other information about a species of alien. Melinda kept quiet, waiting for John to say something. “Are you here to ask about Phil’s mission or the memory protocol?”

 

“Both,” she replied. In truth, she had more questions than just about those two topics, but there was no point in laying all the cards on the table at that stage.

 

“Well, the mission is a big unknown. Our intelligence is limited, but we’ve learned from the Inhuman Royal Family that if we don’t interfere in some way within the next few hours, something very catastrophic could happen. I’m sure Phil told you there are no comms where he’s going?”

 

She nodded, prompting him to continue. “Well, that complicates things. Phil is our tactician, he’s the only one who could properly assess the situation from the ground and take the appropriate course of action. His abilities in this area have long surpassed those of myself and Fury--he really is the best there is. I trust that he’ll know what to do and I hope he’ll be back safely. Of course, there’s no way to guarantee that, but he’s surrounded by our best operatives and they have orders to protect him.”

 

“He said we don’t know how long the mission will last. What do you think?”

 

“He’s right. There’s no way of knowing. We sent our team with supplies to last them a few weeks if needed. It could also be over in minutes. We won’t know until they are out of the dead zone and can communicate with the base again.” John must have seen her reaction at the mention of weeks, because he added, “You don’t have to go back to Earth until he comes back--whenever that is.”

 

She was simultaneously grateful to John for that kindness and heartbroken upon remembering the memory protocol. Yes, she’d be able to say goodbye to Phil before going back, but she wouldn’t remember any of this once she was back on solid ground. She pushed those thoughts aside and concentrated on the question at hand.

 

“Tell me about your operatives and their training. Who’s out there watching Phil’s back? What can they do? How many went with him?” Maybe they couldn’t trust their intel, but she wanted to know whether Phil was in safe hands. Even though to her, he was only safe when she was with him; when she could protect him. No one else would give their life for him at a moment’s notice and without hesitation.

 

John pulled up the files of all the operatives who went on the mission. She was able to see their education, training, family history, psychological evaluations, medical evaluations, as well as their mission history. Overall, she was impressed. Their operatives had solid training and ran their missions efficiently. She could tell they had been hand picked for their roles. Few people were better suited for the job. Despite all that, she still found several areas where their training was lacking, especially considering their penchant for small-team missions. She started to outline these deficiencies and how they could be improved.

 

As she spoke, John started taking notes of what she was saying, nodding approvingly at her recommendations. Melinda was glad she could help, but this did nothing to quell her fears about the current mission.

 

After a few minutes, John raised his head and looked at her with a strange expression. A small smile spread across his face and he leaned back on his chair. “I’m sure you know what Phil does here on the base, but do you know what my role is?”

 

Melinda was caught off guard by this question. She had a vague notion of what John did--mostly help Phil with missions and share the responsibilities of running the base. “I have an idea, but I don’t know the specifics.”

 

“While Phil is in charge of gathering intelligence and planning our missions, I make sure we are always ready for these missions. I’m in charge of recruitment and training. I work with the engineers and mechanics to make sure our weapons and vehicles are functioning. In short, I give Phil the tools he needs to save the world. He’s involved in each of these areas as much as he can be or wants to be, but it’s my responsibility to keep this place running.”

 

This all made sense. But she was not sure why John was mentioning all of this to her. He seemed to sense her confusion and continued, “I know Phil told you about the memory protocol. Your memory implant is programed to wipe your memories the moment you re-enter the Earth.” She nodded, a little more interested in what he was saying. “Did Phil tell you that he has a memory implant too?”

 

Melinda felt like the air was sucked out of the room. What did he mean? Were Phil’s memories at risk too? “No, he didn’t say that. Why would he have one?”

 

“It’s the protocol for _everyone_ who comes aboard the base. His implant, and that of any employee, doesn’t activate automatically when returning to Earth, only if deemed necessary. That happens if we have a disgruntled employee or someone who wants to tell someone about their job here.”

 

She was starting to understand where John was going and she felt a thrill ran up her spine. “Is my memory implant any different from yours?”

 

John smiled. “No. The implants are the same, but the programing is different.”

 

“Phil mentioned they could be programmed remotely. Can you tell the Benefactors to change the programing in an implant if someone goes from being a visitor to an employee?”

 

At this point John’s smile was wide. This is exactly what he had been trying to tell her. A surge of adrenaline flooded her chest, all in expectation of his answer.

 

“Yes, that’s indeed possible. Some of our current operatives came in as visitors while we determined if they were a good fit. That’s always been my job--finding the perfect fit for each position. Melinda, I’ve looked at your file and I’ve gotten to know you these past couple of weeks and I think you’d be my ideal replacement as Deputy Commander.”

 

* * *

 

Phil’s heart thudded in his ears and the phantom pain in his left hand was the only thing tethering him to his body. A reminder of his mortality. The plan--what little there was of one--disintegrated the moment they arrived in the dead zone. Things were a lot more volatile than everyone expected them to be and although Phil had mentally prepared for the worst case scenario, he had no way of knowing it would play out exactly this way; his team separated as they tried to fight back an attacking force 10 times more numerous.  

 

As a bomb went off near him, he was suddenly disoriented and frozen in place. He may not have been a specialist, but Phil had seen plenty of action in his over 30 years with SHIELD, and never once had he lost his nerve. But as he looked on at this veritable war zone, he was momentarily stunned into inaction. Lasers, bullets, and other projectiles were flying everywhere around him. Explosions set the rhythm of the action. He could vaguely feel some pain emanating in waves from his side, but he wasn’t sure if he was injured. His shoulder throbbed. A stray image entered his mind, it was Melinda sleeping in his arms. _I promise_. As he concentrated on the pain, he slowly began to come back to himself. The sounds of the battle came back in full force and he was once again the Commander.

 

He had promised he’d be back and he’d be damned if he didn’t at least try to keep that promise. His life was only precious to him as long as he had Melinda to share it with. And he was determined to survive and find a way to be with her. But first, survival.

  
The idea had come suddenly and he knew immediately that it could save the Earth and their lives or it could end both. There was only one way to find out. Phil led the operatives who were with him through the thick of the battle to reach the other side of the valley in which they had landed. It was dangerous and they had lost two good men in the process, but they made it away from the battlefield. Remembering the map of the area that he had studied on the flight over, he marched straight toward their enemy’s fortress. He really hoped his plan would work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I apologize if there were any mistakes, this was not reviewed by my beta. Let me know what you thought! I love hearing from you, no matter what you'd like to share. 
> 
> After a grueling week of disaster response training, I'm on a travel hold awaiting to fly to Puerto Rico to help with relief after Irma and now the incoming hurricane Maria. We'll be the first volunteers on the ground after Maria hits, so it's likely going to be messy. So, while I have a little bit of down time and internet access, I am able to work on this. It may take me a long time after this to update, but I'll do my best to update again before the end of my tour. Thanks for the kind wishes! I really appreciate you all and I'm doing everything I can to keep delivering these updates.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Melinda makes a decision. Phil's mission concludes.

It had been two days since Phil left and they had still not heard from him or anyone on his team. In his absence, John was the acting Commander and he asked Melinda to help him with some of the Deputy duties. Of course he also told her to be mindful of her health and she promised she would. She welcomed the distraction. In the hours when she wasn’t working, worry and fear overloaded her senses. She couldn’t think about losing Phil again, not after everything they had been through. Not now that she found a way for them to be together.

 

In the weeks she had been on the base, Melinda had often thought about staying with Phil, but those thoughts were usually not fully formed. They were born out of her desire to be with him, to stay together now that they had finally overcome their self-imposed obstacles. But as John talked to her about the possibility of staying as Deputy Commander, the thoughts took shape and weight. She _was_ qualified for the job and she knew that Phil and her made a formidable team. Arguably, they had already played similar roles when he was director of SHIELD and she was his right hand. In this position, she could make sure that Phil was protected and that he could carry out his mission. And of course she could be with him. _Fully._

 

Even though they had never explicitly told John about the nature of their relationship, he was aware of what they meant to each other. John had insisted that there were no fraternization rules on the base--not many rules at all in fact. Everyone understood that the most important thing was the mission and that everything else came second. As long as they protected the Earth effectively, they could do what they wanted. A few of their operatives were married to each other, and there had never been issues with their work. So if she stayed, she could continue working with Phil and they could have the relationship that had eluded them all these years.

 

But there was the issue of leaving her home behind. Her parents. SHIELD. Earth. John couldn’t say when she’d be able to go back to Earth if she decided to join the base. Being in charge of recruitment meant that she’d probably be able to return before Phil, but there was no way of knowing until they talked to the Benefactors. If they associated her with Phil’s transgressions, then she’d have to earn their trust before being able to travel freely; that could take years. Or, if they didn't, she could have travel privileges much sooner than that. It was impossible to tell.

 

And there was the issue of Phil. She knew that he’d immediately try to dissuade her from staying. He wouldn’t want her to give up her life on Earth to be with him. But Melinda felt that she could never be happy without him. Phil had been the only sweet constant in her life since joining SHIELD, and she wouldn’t give him up for the world. _Literally._

 

Melinda knew she was in trouble when, as a Level 1 agent, she found herself eager to go on missions with one Phil Coulson. Many of these early missions were undercover and required them to play couples; she found it surprisingly easy to overcome her distaste for undercover work when the mission involved him. Getting cozy with him. Getting handsy with him. When she started _asking_ for missions with him, she knew she was doomed. She thought she saw her feelings mirrored in him--the way he got nervous around her and the way his hands shook when they were together gave him away--but the last thing she wanted was to ruin things between them. In the time since they had been working together, he had become her only friend, and a good one at that. So when Andrew came along, a sweet caring man who didn’t have his heart walled off, she chose to put her feelings for Phil on hold and explore those she was developing for the charming psychiatrist. What she’d soon learn was that she could never banish Phil from her heart; her love for him had taken root and was growing strong, even after she fell for Andrew. So she found ways to express it while staying true to her marriage and their boundaries. Melinda took missions almost exclusively with him, seeking to keep him safe and close, but maintaining an emotional distance that helped them both.

 

Since then her love had only grown stronger. After Bahrain, he was the only one who didn’t give up on her, the only one who couldn’t be pushed away. Fury’s words echoed in her mind--he refused promotions to stay in D.C. with her. Taking care of her. What did she do to repay his kindness? _I left him alone and unprotected; I got him killed._  His death nearly destroyed her whole being. And it would have, had she not heard about his resurrection within a couple of days of his death. Now she had him back, and after these last few years denying herself what she wanted--or rather whom she wanted--she could have him. _All of him._

 

No, Melinda wasn’t going to let Phil go again. Never again.

  


The wait was killing her. Every couple of hours she’d check if the ship they took had left the dead zone, if there were any messages from Phil. Nothing. She sat on his chair, her palms rubbing over the armrests, trying to feel closer to him. The thought that he could be dead did not cross her mind--she wouldn’t let it form. So she buried herself in work to avoid the dark images that threatened to overtake her.

 

A week and a half after he left, as Melinda sat alone in the command center, she saw the blip of his ship appear on their radar. At first, she thought it was a hallucination; this wasn’t the first time she had seen that blip after staring intently at the radar wishing for his return. No, this blip was real. Steadily pulling away from the dead zone and toward the base. Within seconds, and before she could alert John of what was happening, there was beep and and crackling sound followed by the voice she had dreamed about every night for the last week and half.

 

“Base Command, this is team Alpha Delta. Mission accomplished. You copy me base command?”

 

“Phil!" She had wanted to stay professional and respond as was expected, but she was overcome with joy and his given name spilled from her lips before she could register what she was saying.

 

“Melinda?!” His voice lost its usual control, “Thank god! I was afraid you had gone back to Earth. I’m coming back to you. Just like I promised.”

 

* * *

 

Hearing Melinda’s voice sent a jolt of energy through Phil’s body. She was still on the base and she still remembered him. Or rather, she still remembered _them_ . He had hoped that John would keep her on the base until he came back, but he forgot to make that express command before rushing off to the mission. The uncertainty had nearly killed him. But now he knew he’d be able to see her, to hold her, to kiss her again. At least for a short while. Maybe even wake up with her once again. _God, I miss her._

 

The mission had been difficult and it had almost gone south more times than he could count. The original plan had been to go negotiate a truce with an alien colony. The base had once been in an open conflict with the colony after they discovered Earth’s resources and had attempted an invasion. Fury had repelled the invasion and crippled the colony’s forces, but they had spent the last few years rebuilding their strength and seemed to be planning another invasion. If a negotiation didn’t work, they were to quash a future invasion by releasing a virus capable of wiping out their military forces. Phil really hoped the negotiation worked. Shortly after they arrived, but before they could make contact, the colony had been attacked by a rival faction from the same planet and Phil’s team had been caught in the middle of the fray. His only option was to offer the colony his help fighting the invaders in exchange for a truce with Earth. It was risky and it depended on mutual trust between two parties that harbored a lot of bad blood toward each other.  

 

At first, his plan was not well received. They were taken prisoner for a few days, the conflict raging on outside the fortress and their options dwindling. As the invading forces started to break through the fortress’ defenses, Phil’s offer suddenly became much more enticing. And so, his team was charged with going back to their ship--which lay cloaked and protected on the other side of the armed conflict--to retrieve the virus and use it against the invaders. Thrust once again into the war zone, Phil didn’t think he would live to see Melinda again. But he was determined to try. He had a promise to keep.

 

To everyone’s surprise, the plan worked. They suffered minimal losses and were able to wipe out the invading force quickly with the devastating virus they unleashed. It was traumatic to watch an entire military force perish so quickly before their eyes, but if this was what it took to protect the Earth, Phil would do it. Without question. This show of strength made for a great negotiating tool, and after a couple of days of drafting treaties and finalizing details, they had a truce in their hands. Earth was safe once again.    

 

As Phil stepped out of the ship and into the base dock, he tried his best to keep his gait steady and avoid showing any signs of pain. He knew Melinda would be watching him and he didn’t want to worry her. He had suffered minor injuries during the mission, but he didn’t want to go to the medical bay yet. Within seconds, he was enveloped in a powerful embrace that made him forget all about his pain. The warmth of her body spread through him, soothing his tense muscles, relaxing every fibre of his being. He was home.

 

Phil was aware that they were hugging in the middle of the dock, with half of the base watching, but he was beyond caring. His arms were on her lower back and held her tightly to him; hers were around his neck, one hand cradling his head. Taking deep breaths, he took in the calming scent that visited his dreams whenever they were apart. He didn’t think there was anything better than being this close to Melinda May--he could easily spend the rest of his life just like this. They swayed gently, neither finding their voice amid all the emotions their reunion brought forth.

 

“Melinda,” three syllables that somehow expressed the gamut of his feelings in that particular moment.    

She pulled back to look at him, staying in his embrace. “I missed you so much.” The intensity of her voice and the loving expression in her eyes made his heart flutter. Her love still left him breathless; he didn’t think he’d ever understand what she saw in him. But now all that mattered was that they were together again.

 

“I missed you too. I’m so glad you are still here. I needed to see you again--it killed me to think you could be gone when I came back.”

 

“I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.” The sheer conviction behind her words made him shiver. _What does that mean?_

 

“Phil,” John was standing a couple of steps away from them, “We still need to do a mission debrief and update our intel after the mission. You can go to your quarters and rest after that.” Of course, he knew that. He still needed to be the Commander for a few more minutes. Then she could do whatever she pleased with him; he was hers. Now and forever.

 

He hesitantly stepped away from Melinda, his hands entwining with hers. Continuing to look into her eyes, Phil said, “Thank you, John. Let’s head to the command center.”

 

As he began to move, his body weary, bruised, and injured, he noticed Melinda studying him. He expected her to call a medic or tell John about his condition, but she silently fell into step with him. They held hands all the way to the command center.  

 

The debrief was uneventful. It took him longer than expected to explain the intricacies of his plan and the subtleties of the truce agreement; John asked many follow-up questions wishing to understand what had transpired during the last week and a half. Phil uploaded a digital copy of the truce agreement into the base records and set up a system to monitor the colony’s compliance with the agreement’s terms. When that was done, John told Phil that he’d continue acting as Commander until the younger man recovered from this mission.

 

Melinda grabbed his hand and led him to their quarters. They didn’t speak during the walk over, both content to be together again. He squeezed her hand periodically to make sure she was really there with him. He had a tendency to dream about her whenever they were apart and he wanted to make sure this wasn’t another fantasy. As they entered the Commander’s suite, Phil was pushed into the wall next to the door and he felt Melinda’s lips crash against his own. This wasn’t a chaste kiss--it was all consuming and it robbed him of his breath and all rational thought. Her hands were roaming his chest and abdomen. As her fingers ran over the bandages near his shoulder, he failed to suppress a wince. She pulled away and he let out a low whine at the loss of contact. After that week and a half away, he _needed_ her.

 

“Let me see,” she said as she carefully removed his standard-issue shirt. He put on a brave face as he felt the pain on his shoulder roar when he lifted his arms above his head. After removing his shirt, Melinda was able to see the damage he suffered during the mission--a few cuts and scrapes and a deep gash on the front of his right shoulder that had been bandaged and treated a couple of days before. The skin below his right side ribs was covered in a deep purple bruise that still had some black patches in the middle. Her fingers moved gently over the skin near his cuts, taking tactile stock of all his injuries. She then moved forward and planted a kiss next to each one, making his skin tingle. This display of affection had him both deeply moved and very turned on at the same time. He felt his control slipping and had to begin thinking about mission statistics to distract his body and mind from his growing desire. 

 

Melinda’s hands moved to the waistband of his pants before saying, “Did they get you anywhere else?” The smirk peaking out of the corners of her mouth was unmistakable.

 

He smiled suggestively and then decided to respond truthfully, “I have a couple of cuts on my leg, but other than that, I’m okay. All minor scrapes. Nothing to worry about.” Before he could finish that sentence, she had turned away from him and headed for their bedroom. _Theirs_. She had been sleeping here while he was gone and he hoped they were able to share the bed at least once more before she had to leave. It had been nearly a month since their first night together and he just wanted to hold her and wake up next to her again. His body had plans of its own, but he'd leave whatever happened up to her.

 

She returned with an elaborate first aid kit and motioned for him to sit on one of the couches as she sat on the coffee table in front of him. Carefully and systematically, Melinda began to apply an ointment over his wounds. He didn’t feel the sting of the ointment as she treated him, his entire attention was focused on her and the tenderness in her movements. They had patched each other up countless times during their shared career, but this was more intimate. Her touch was setting his skin ablaze.

 

When she had finished cleaning all the cuts and scrapes--about five in all--she covered them in bandages and replaced the bandage on the gash on his shoulder. She then carefully ran her hands down his chest, and let them rest at his belt buckle as she kneeled in front of him. He sucked in his breath as his vision began to blur.

 

Looking up from the floor, she said, “Let’s see those cuts in your leg, shall we?” He let out the air he was holding in as she worked his belt open and pulled his zipper down. _Get a hold of yourself! She just wants to patch you up._

 

Not trusting his voice, he hummed affirmatively and began to lift his hips from the couch so she could take off his pants. She also helped him with his boots and socks and now he was sitting on his couch in only his boxers. Phil was praying that the tightening in his underwear wasn’t too noticeable; he didn’t want to presume anything about her intentions. He was already tremendously lucky to be in the same room as her and would have been happy just to hold her hand if that was all she wanted to do. But if she wanted to do more, he'd gladly make her scream his name as she fell apart for him. He had really missed her. 

  
Once his pants were off, Melinda began working on the cut on his left calf. After that one was cleaned and patched, she ran her hands up his leg until they came to rest on his upper thigh, just below the hem of his boxers, where the last small cut was. Phil sucked in a breath again as he made eye contact and he noticed her lick her lips, her eyes dark with desire. Melinda quickly cleaned and bandaged the cut. As soon as that was done, she was sitting on his lap and her lips were hot on his. All thoughts left him as the blood rushed away from his brain. He was definitely happy to be home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to thank the people who have left me comments and reached out to me about this fic. These updates are for you! Hearing from people keeps me working even when it's really difficult. Thanks for the encouragement! It means the world to me. So keep it up! Let me know what you think :)
> 
> Still awaiting deployment because things in Puerto Rico are much worse than people originally thought and they don't want us to be a drain on resources right now. But we've heard that we could be leaving as soon as tomorrow. We'll see. For now, I'll continue to work on this and update if possible. 
> 
> Thanks for the support!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They enjoy an overdue reunion and talk about the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: first part of the chapter is very NSFW. If that's not your thing, I recommend skipping to the second POV, where the plot comes back. If it IS your thing, then you are in luck ;)

It had been nearly a month since the first time they were together. Melinda had been at the cusp of recovery when he went away on his mission and now that he was back, she had fully recuperated. He had a few cuts and bruises, and his muscles were stiff and sore, but she knew that this was nothing to Phil. As agents they had trained to withstand much worse. So she had no qualms over her current position--perched atop the lap of an almost naked Phil as she let her hands roam over him to her heart’s content. 

 

Ever since the day at the pool, she had been  _ burning _ for him. Melinda was convinced that if she had been less exhausted that day, she would have seduced--or really jumped--him in their room.  _ Theirs.  _ She had now slept here longer than he had, but they had yet to share the bed. That was about to change. 

 

In that moment, they were sharing a passionate kiss that was leaving her breathless. She simply couldn’t get enough of his taste, her tongue deftly exploring his mouth as her hands did the same to this bare torso. Phil’s arms were firmly around her hips, pulling her closer to him. He was completely hard by now, his erection pressing into her core. Heat was spreading swiftly through her body from that point of contact. She started to grind her hips down on his lap, rubbing directly over his shaft, eliciting a moan from Phil that she swallowed. 

 

His hands left her hips and began to explore her body, one hand going down to cup her ass and press her more firmly against his hardness. When they briefly came up for air, she saw that the blue of his irises had been overtaken almost entirely by his widening pupils, his lips were red and swollen, and his hair was disheveled--lust leaving a stamp everywhere on his body. He was past the point of no return. A thrill ran up her spine; she loved seeing him out of control and prey to his impulses. 

 

Phil leaned forward and quickly recaptured her lips with his. This time it was his tongue insistently exploring her, tasting her. His hands now had a purpose--to remove her jacket. She reluctantly stopped caressing his chest to help him slide the jacket down her arms. Her shirt was next. He deftly pulled it over her head, making her hair cascade over her shoulders as the neckline of the shirt passed over it. The pile of discarded clothing next to the couch was steadily growing. As soon as they were free, her hands went right back to his skin, the contact burning and soothing at the same time.  _ I need him.  _

 

Just as she saw with Phil, Melinda felt her control slipping; her passion was taking over her body and mind. She trembled in want as their lips crashed together once again. This was so different from the gentleness of their first night or the playful exploration of the next morning. This was feral and uninhibited--she wanted more. 

 

The muscles of his legs tightened under her as his hands came down to cup her ass to him. He leaned forward and, in one swift motion, he was standing up with her in his arms. Instinctively she wrapped her legs around his hips, intensifying the delicious friction between them. Her hands came to rest on his shoulders and she briefly thought about whether he was in any pain. The thought was extinguished when Phil began walking toward the bedroom, each step pressing his erection firmly against her core. They didn’t break eye contact during the 17 steps it took him to reach the edge of the bed. The only light in the room came from the massive window into the cosmos, draping both of them in a shimmering glow. The look on his face was predatory, but she imagined that so was hers.

 

Melinda held her breath; his next move would determine how the rest of the night went. There was a flash of something feral in his eyes right before he threw her on the bed. Immediately after her back landed on the soft mattress, Phil was on her, his body covering hers.  _ He’s completely mine--no inhibitions, no hesitation, no control.  _ She had never been this wet before. His mouth found hers once again and she lost her train of thought. Her nails ran over his back, leaving raised red trails over his skin. As he ground his hips against hers, his member pressing against her entrance, it was his turn to swallow her moans. 

 

Suddenly, the warmth of his body was gone, its absence leaving her whimpering. Opening her eyes, she saw that he was standing next to the bed looking down at her. Phil reached down toward her and began to remove her boots and socks. When that was done, he began unbuttoning her pants. In a few seconds, he was sliding them down her legs. Melinda took this opportunity to remove her bra and toss is away from the bed. He began to crawl on the bed toward her, stopping as he reached her thighs. Using his arms and legs for support, he dipped his head and began to leave kisses up her thighs, lightly licking and nipping at the skin as he went. She was moaning loudly now, her need manifesting clearly. When his teeth caught the top of her panties, she stopped breathing. His left arm hooked under her lower back and lifted her hips off the bed as his teeth  _ slowly _ dragged the fabric down. His mouth and nose grazed her mound as he continued removing her last piece of clothing. When he reached her soaking lips, she felt him moan against her skin and the vibrations almost made her fall apart. His left arm moved lower, lifting her legs as he slid the garment all the way off her legs.  _ With his teeth. _

 

Melinda was well beyond all rational thinking at this point, her mind, body and soul wanting one thing only; Phil. After discarding her panties he pulled down his boxers, releasing his hardness and making her gasp. She couldn’t get enough of seeing him naked. He crawled over her body once more. His eyes were on her as he made his way to her. She parted her legs and writhed in anticipation. At the same time as his lips came crashing down onto hers, she felt his erection pressing into her lips, searing the skin there. She raised her hips, aching to have him inside her. He pulled back from the kiss and looked at her, his blue eyes shining with intensity, as he entered her in one thrust. Feeling a sudden jolt of pleasure that spread through her body, Melinda let out a loud yelp. Before she could savor the fullness she felt, he pulled almost all the way out. He slammed into her again. And again. And again. Long, forceful strokes that had her screaming out his name and begging him not to stop. 

 

After a few minutes of that, Phil raised himself and grabbed Melinda’s right leg, hitching it on his hip. He continued his punishing pace, the new angle intensifying the pleasure for her as he found her G-spot. She felt her orgasm building within her, every stroke bringing her closer to the edge. His pace began to quicken and his thrusts became more shallow. His right hand reached down and began to rub circles over her clit, making her scream at the contact. She felt her entire body starting to tingle as her vision blurred. Seconds later, she was overcome by a shattering climax; her senses were in disarray and she felt her entire body tense. Phil continued to drive into her, his movements more erratic. Sensing his impending orgasm, she clamped down her walls around him and held his shaft, pushing him into the abyss and making him spill inside her. He growled her name as he was taken over by his own strong climax.

 

For a few seconds, only the sounds of their ragged breaths filled the room. Phil released his grip on her right leg, gently letting it down on the bed. As pulled away from her, Melinda felt the sudden emptiness keenly. She knew he’d be by her side in a moment, but that sense of loss haunted her. She could no longer imagine spending even a day away from him, let alone the months or years it could take for them to see each other if she went back to Earth. No. Now that she had him as she never had before, she couldn’t let go. She’d  _ never  _ let go.  _ He’s finally mine.  _

 

Phil came to rest next to her on the bed, opening his left arm and giving her space to curl up on his chest. She accepted this invitation and pressed her body to his side, tangling her legs with his and draping her left arm over his stomach. With her head pillowed on his chest, Melinda relished in the sound of his fast-beating heart. She hadn’t been this happy and at peace since the last time she was naked in his arms.  

  
  


* * * 

 

Phil had completely lost control of himself. His body took over and gave free rein to his passion, something he wasn’t sure had ever happened to this degree before. Somehow, despite having been sexually active for over three decades, Melinda still made him discover new and exciting things about himself.  _ She’s the one; she’s always been the one.  _ In that moment, he wished that they could stay like that forever. 

 

If only they could. 

 

He pulled her closer to him, savoring the warmth that radiated from her body. Pushing every thought of her return to the back of his mind, Phil decided to enjoy that perfect moment without any dark clouds hanging over his head. The memory of their time together would likely sustain him in the months and years to come and he didn’t want to miss a single thing. He planted a kiss on top of her head. Their bed smelled like her, the scent relaxing him and slowly lulling him to sleep. He made sure they were under the covers before the exhaustion of the day and the tension of the last week and a half took him into a dreamless slumber. 

  
  


Phil woke up with a dull pain in his whole body. But that was not the first thing he noticed upon waking--no, that would be the beautiful naked woman in his arms. He was lying on his left side, his right arm draped over her stomach and her back pressed against his chest. As he contemplated just how good this felt, her right arm came up and began to caress his hair, pulling his head into her shoulder. He tightened his grip on her abdomen, bringing her closer to him. He breathed in her scent and felt truly happy. 

 

“Phil?” Her voice still thick with sleep. 

 

“Mmmm?” 

 

“Do you want to be with me?” Her voice sounded shy and insecure. He couldn’t believe that she had any doubt about his answer to that question.  

 

“I want nothing more than to be with you.” He planted a kiss on her shoulder, “To wake up with you in my arms every morning,” another kiss, “To hold you every night.” His heart constricted at the thought that she’d be going home soon. Leaving him alone with his longing. 

 

“Good. Because I’m staying on the base with you. I’m not going back to Earth.” 

 

Phil sucked in a breath, his body tensed and his mind began to spin. Conflicting thoughts were competing for attention. On one side, he was ecstatic at the prospect of being with her. On the other, he felt guilty that she’s chose to give up her life because of him. 

 

“How? I mean, why? Uh, are you sure?” He didn’t know what to say, not yet. He was still trying to process her statement. 

 

“You need a Deputy, and having been your number two for years, I’m more than qualified for the job. John thinks so too. He had me help him while you were gone. And if I become an employee…” 

 

“You don’t lose your memories,” he finished. It all made sense. Melinda would be a great Deputy--hell, probably the best Deputy he’d ever have (no offense to John). And if she became an employee, the Benefactors would reprogram her memory implant, deleting the automatic wipe function. That way, she could go back to Earth and keep her memories. But this meant giving up SHIELD and leaving her friends and family behind. He couldn’t possibly ask her to do any of those things. 

 

“I know you’ll try to talk me out of this. But I’ve thought about this since the day you went away. I know what this choice means. I know what I’ll give up--and what I’ll  _ gain. _ ” 

 

“But what about your family? What about SHIELD? You’ve given your life to SHIELD--are you sure you want to walk away now?” 

 

She let out a laugh. “Even if I only visit Earth every couple of years, I’ll still see my parents more often than I do now. And it wasn’t my love of SHIELD that kept me from walking away when things got tough. It was  _ you _ , Phil. My loyalty has always been with you. To me there’s no SHIELD without you.”

 

Phil didn’t know what to say. Had she loved him as long as he had loved her? His mind was in overdrive and he was assaulted by a million thoughts at once. She began to move away from his embrace and he had to fight his impulse to hold her against him. Turning to face him, Melinda wrapped her arms around his neck and brought their bodies together once more. 

 

“I don’t want to live a life without you in it, Phil. I already did that once and it was bleak and brutal.” 

 

“The Framework.” They had never spoken about their lives in the Framework. Or how close they came to getting romantically involved there.

 

“Yes. The biggest difference in my life there wasn’t that Katya lived--it was that you weren’t there with me. Without you, I joined Hydra and committed unspeakable horrors. I killed innocents. I helped hunt inhumans. And I felt incomplete, empty. I was missing something. I was missing  _ you. _ Phil, you’ve always made me a better person. I have already lived a life without you; I’m not going to do it again.” 

 

“I missed you in the Framework too. I had some memories that came to me every once in awhile, and you were the biggest one of them. I missed you desperately, but I didn’t know who you were. When we met, I was immediately drawn to you and I wanted to be close to you as much as possible.” 

 

She smiled at his words. “You never let me out of your sight from the moment I joined SHIELD. I have to admit I kind of liked you.” Melinda said, breaking eye contact. 

 

Phil laughed and shook his head. “I was completely smitten. I was even contemplating making a move. I had a hunch you wouldn’t break me in half if I did.” 

 

They brought their foreheads together, both smiling. 

 

“I can’t go back, Phil. I refuse to forget. This last month has been the best of my life--even with my injuries and your mission, I’ve never been happier. I wouldn’t trade  _ this _ for anything.” 

 

Phil brought his lips down to hers for a slow and gentle kiss. He pulled her closer until there was no space between them. When they pulled apart, their pupils blown wide and their desire etched in their faces, he knew there was no going back. 

 

In a husky voice, he said, “It looks like I have a new Deputy Commander.” 

  
Before she could respond, his lips were back on hers and she failed to suppress a moan when she felt him harden against her hip. No, there was no going back for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm SO SORRY for this delay! It's been crazy here in Puerto Rico and I haven't had much time to do anything for myself really. I stayed up late tonight to get you guys this next chapter. I'll try to post again next week! I'm extending my volunteering by 45 more days since the situation here is really bad, so I apologize in advance if I can't update as often as I would like. 
> 
> I only have a tablet here with me and my beta has been busy, so I apologize for any typos you may find! I wish I had my laptop, but that would have been terribly cumbersome here. 
> 
> With that said, let me know what you thought! Your comments give me LIFE, especially right now, so feel free to drop me a line about anything :)


	14. Chapter 14

John stared into the screen and smiled. The dot signifying the ship carrying their operatives was moving toward the base. The mission was a huge success, and Earth had been saved once again. But that wasn’t the only reason he was smiling.

 

From his perch at the command center, he had been watching the progress of the mission. The Commander was in the field with his operatives. The Deputy Commander was also there, watching over her Commander and overseeing the performance of her new recruits. It was a rescue mission for an ally force, and Commander Coulson wanted to be present in case negotiations were necessary. Deputy Commander May wouldn’t allow him to go on the field without her.

 

When John suggested that Melinda stay as Deputy, he knew that she was qualified for the job. He also knew about her history with Phil, both personal and professional. Phil had mentioned her so many times throughout the years that it didn’t take long for John to understand what the younger man felt for his partner; even when it seemed like Phil himself ignored the extent of his feelings for her. What he heard about Melinda also made him understand her feelings for his protegee--her actions spoke loud and clear. At the time, John understood why Phil would choose not to pursue a romantic relationship, considering the burden that had been placed in his shoulders. John’s heart ached for him. It really wasn’t fair. But Nick wouldn’t hear John’s reasons; he had been blinded by Phil’s potential.

 

That potential had been realized.

 

Yes, John knew Melinda could do the job. He just didn’t know how _well_ she could do it and how fast she could fall into the role. She was smart, dedicated, and methodical. Her instinct to protect Phil kicked in right away and guided her recruitment and training of operatives. Her personality allowed her to work well with the base engineers and operatives in charge of base operations. Within weeks of becoming his apprentice, Melinda had learned most of the duties of the Deputy position; a few weeks after that, she had the base running better than John ever did. It was amazing, really. But it was fitting, Phil was the best Commander the base had ever had, it was only natural that he’d want an equally capable Deputy. Seeing them work together was a pleasure.

 

He had been hesitant to bring up the Deputy position to Melinda at first. The thought that their growing romance could hinder the mission made him waver. These were murky waters they were treading. That all changed when she came into the command center when Phil went on the no comms mission. Her ideas about training and recruiting, as well as her questions about the mission had shown just how competent she was and how much she cared for his protegee. John had to admit that part of the reason he had postponed his retirement for so long was that he needed to know that Phil would be okay.

 

Now he didn’t have any doubt.  

 

This was their first mission together in the field. Normally, only one of them should be on the field--the other staying behind in case things went south. However, Melinda had categorically refused to let Phil go on the field alone and she made a good case of having to oversee the work of the new recruits. This was probably how things would be from now on; he couldn’t see them working apart. But seeing how they brought out the best in each other, John didn’t think that would be a problem. They worked seamlessly. She was on the ground during the rescue mission and Phil stayed behind on the ship, but John could hear the mission comms and knew that even when they weren’t talking, they were still connected. Melinda understood the plan better than anyone and knew exactly how Phil’s mind worked. Phil knew her strengths and weaknesses as well as her approach to missions. Still, John heard the sigh of relief that Phil let out when the target had been rescued without issues.  

 

It had taken Phil a while to get over his guilt. The Commander had been convinced that he was forcing Melinda to leave her life behind to stay with him, but John knew better. They were meant to be together; family, friends and job were an added bonus. Now, after seeing his Deputy in action, Phil was also convinced that she was exactly where she needed to be. John had never seen Phil this happy before and it warmed his heart to know that his transition to Commander was not going to be as difficult as he first thought.

 

When the ship made it back to the base, John walked over to the docking station. He saw the operatives spilling out of the vessel unharmed and relaxed. After everyone else had exited, the Commander and his Deputy walked out side by side, their arms touching. They were sharing a smile and a meaningful look. No, John had never seen Phil this happy in all years he had known him. John smiled at them; Phil’s beaming smile was contagious.

 

“John! Did you _see_ that? It must be a base record!” Phil’s enthusiasm was also contagious.

 

“I did. The rescue was perfectly executed and you were able to negotiate a better arrangement with our allies at the drop off. All that without a single injury.” They really did make an impressive duo.

 

“What did you think of the new training protocols? Or the new recruits?” Phil was clearly excited, but it was Melinda’s turn to smile at the mention of the new recruits and training programs. The biggest part of her work so far as Deputy.

 

“I have to say that I’ve never seen our operatives work more effectively before. And our new recruits look completely mission-ready after only a few weeks. Well done, Deputy Commander May.”  

She nodded and John thought he saw a hint of a blush on her face. He had come to understand and appreciate the woman in front of him in the three months she had been on the base.

 

“Is it time?” Phil asked while pointing at John’s civilian clothing.

 

“Yes. I wanted to wait until you came back before going--” before he could finish that sentence, Phil’s arms were around his shoulders and John was pulled into a tight embrace. He hugged his protegee back and let a wave of pride swell within his chest. Phil was the closest thing he had to a son and he had become a great Commander as well as a good man. He also had more empathy and compassion than Fury ever did, and John wanted to take some of the credit for that.

 

Phil clapped his back three times before stepping away. The younger man’s eyes were glassy and John felt his own unshed tears welling in his eyes.

 

“Thank you, John. For _everything._ You’ve been like a father to me since I came to the base and I’m very grateful for all that you’ve done for me. I’ll miss you, but I’m happy you’ll finally get to relax by a beach somewhere.”

 

Melinda stepped toward him and extended her hand. “I’ve only known you a couple of months, but you’ve already done so much for me. Thank you. We’ll take good care of the base for you.” John felt a wave of affection toward this strong woman standing in front of him and pulled her in for a brief hug, which she returned.

 

“We’ll come visit you so much you’ll ask us never to come back.” Phil’s face was a study in contradictions--his smile was full and sincere but his eyes betrayed great sadness.

 

“I can’t wait to see you both on Earth.” John paused briefly before continuing, “Phil, I’m very proud of you. You are already a much better Commander than Fury ever was and I am going back to Earth knowing you’ll protect it well.”

 

John began to walk away, but stopped and added, “Take care of Melinda and let her take care of you.”   

 

* * *

 

Three months. Melinda had been in space for three months. She pondered this as her head rested on Phil’s bare chest. The beating of his heart bringing her inmesurable peace.

 

After saying goodbye to John, the two of them had given the mission debrief and retired to their suite. Within seconds of being inside, she had him pushed against the wall, her lips hot on his. She didn’t retain the upper hand for long and soon Phil had her pressed against that same wall as he attacked her neck. They shed their clothing quickly and haphazardly, still rooted to that spot near the entrance.

 

Since becoming a couple, they had been desperate to make up for lost time. Their appetite for each other was insatiable. Which is not to say that they didn’t spend perfectly pleasant nights just cuddling or making love at candle light. There were plenty of both in their relationship. But there were also plenty of times when their passion got the best of them and they didn’t make it to the bed--rough sex against that particular wall was quickly becoming one Melinda’s favorite pastimes. She was addicted to the thrill of seeing Phil out of control and completely at the mercy of his lust. And he indulged her often. Maybe it was having sex in space or maybe it was doing it with the love of her life, but Melinda had never enjoyed something as much as being with him. It was somehow better than three decades worth of fantasies; and she had a _very_ good imagination.

 

As she traced lazy circles over the hair on his chest, she counted his heartbeats and compared them to her own. His were faster by about 15 beats per minute, and she enjoyed listening to that now familiar rhythm. They were lying on one of the couches in the sitting area, naked but with a thin blanket draped over their legs. His left arm was holding her to him while his right hand was softly caressing her hair. Having just returned from a mission, they had the rest of the day to themselves.

 

Many times during the three decades that she had been in love with Phil, Melinda told herself that as soon as they slept together her feelings would fade; the itch having been scratched. Or that they would soon grow tired of each other and ruin their friendship for nothing. She had been dead wrong. Not only was she ridiculously happy with their new relationship, but she also felt like she loved him more every day--and she had thought that after all those years she couldn’t love him any more than she already did.  She always imagined Phil to be a good boyfriend, considerate and sweet. And he was all that and much more. He took every opportunity to make her smile and show her that he loved her. He kept things professional when they were working, but when they were alone, he was entirely hers.

 

Yes, Phil Coulson was _hers_. Completely. And she was having the time of her life getting to know him in this new capacity. Throughout their friendship, Melinda always felt like she knew Phil better than she knew herself. And perhaps that was true, but it didn’t mean that she knew all there was to know about him. No. There was _much_ more to Phil than she could have ever imagined. And now, after he lowered his walls and let her in, she took pleasure in every new thing she learned about him, no matter how small. He slept on his left side unless she was curled up on his chest. He made his own bookmarks, filling them as he read with quotes or notes about each book, just like his father used to do. He had a black pocket notebook where he wrote down his thoughts in a code of his own device, and he always burned it after it was full; no one but him ever read them. He was even more of a hopeless romantic than she initially thought and she loved that.

 

She wanted to know everything about him so she paid attention to every detail, just like she had for years before. Right now, for instance, he was being a little too quiet and Melinda knew exactly why.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah. I’ll just miss him. He’s been here since before Fury brought me and I never imagined what the base would be like without him.”

 

“I owe John a lot, but I’m most grateful that he was there for you all these years. You deserved someone like him watching over you.”

 

“He taught me so much. He and Fury made me who I am.”   

 

“We’ll visit him, like we promised.”

 

“I still don’t have Earth privileges,” he paused, his arm tightening around her shoulder. “At this point I’m not sure if they’ll ever let me back to Earth.” He let out a long breath.

 

“They will. They _have_ to. You are not a prisoner here and you’ve already done more for Earth during these last nine months than all them have in their entire lives.”

 

Phil planted a kiss on top of her head. “For the first six months I was here, I used to dream about going home every day. I did feel like a prisoner. But now I know that home was never a place. Not for me.” He moved his head until his mouth was close to her ear and whispered, “ _You_ are my home Melinda. I am happy wherever you are because you are all I need. I love you.”

 

His words rang true to her. She hadn’t really noticed before, but she had stopped referring to Earth as home soon after getting to the base. And now, other than an occasional visit to friends and family, she had no intention of returning. All she needed was him.

 

“I love you too, Phil.”  

 

She was finally home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Elle_you_oh for her beta work on this chapter! 
> 
> After over two months helping with hurricane relief, I'm finally back home! I apologize for the long wait for chapters during my deployment. I'll come back to my regular schedule now that I'm home. Thanks for your patience! 
> 
> Let me know what you think in the comments, I always appreciate hearing from you!


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A visit.

As they drove up the moonlit driveway, Melinda’s heart started beating faster. She felt Phil’s hand squeezing her own that rested on the gear stick and she was glad to have him there. Acutely aware of the cameras trained in their direction, she stopped the car and slowly got out. Phil did the same. They both made a brief show that they weren’t holding any weapons before advancing toward the door. As expected, they didn’t have to knock. While they were still a few steps away, the door opened and a pajama-clad Lian May stepped toward her daughter in haste. Melinda was soon enveloped in a warm hug and she was momentarily confused. Soon, her own arms were around her mother returning the embrace with equal emotion. 

 

“Qiaolian!” Her mother had never been one for many words, but this simple salutation conveyed a surprising array of feelings. 

 

“Hi mom.” 

 

After both women stepped back and donned their stoic expressions once more, Lian turned to Phil and stepped toward him. Melinda could see a flash of trepidation in his countenance before Lian extended a hand in his direction. He took it and was surprised when she covered his hand with both of her own, an uncharacteristic warmth in her gesture.

 

“Phillip. I’m glad she found you.” 

 

“Thank you Mrs. May. I’m glad she did too.” 

 

“Now, could you please tell me where you’ve taken her? It’s been nine months without signs of life from her, and longer than that for you.” 

 

“Mom, let’s not talk about this right now please. It’s three in the morning and we’ve been driving for hours,” Melinda said while turning back to the car to retrieve her bag. 

 

“Fine. We’ll talk in the morning. Should I prepare one or two rooms for you and Phillip?” 

 

Melinda was glad that the darkness of the night covered the light blush she felt at her cheeks. Her mother had a way of making her feel like a high school student all over again. 

 

“One.” 

 

If Lian was surprised by this answer, she didn’t show it. After grabbing their bags, they both followed her mother upstairs to one of the guest rooms. Without saying a word, Lian grabbed fresh sheets from the closet and dropped them over the bed before leaving the room and closing the door behind her. 

 

“Should I be concerned?” Phil asked as he looked at the closed door. 

 

“You should be fine. I think deep down she likes you. Or at least doesn’t hate you.”

 

“Sounds reassuring. Just make sure she doesn’t kill me in my sleep.” 

 

Melinda walked over to him and looped her arms around his neck. “I wouldn’t be a good Deputy if I let my mother kill my Commander, now would I?” His smile was short-lived as it was soon smothered by a kiss. 

 

Just as she started to explore his mouth and her hands began to roam his body, they heard Lian’s voice through through the door saying, “And try not to make too much noise, will you? You’ve already woken me up once tonight.” 

 

Phil immediately stepped away from her with a guilty expression on his face. Melinda just smiled and shook her head. 

  
  


It had been nine months since she went to find Phil in space and she still felt giddy waking up next to him every morning. This time was no exception. Light streamed in from the windows and she found herself unable to look away from his sleeping form draped in sunshine. That was a sight she had never seen before and she wanted to memorize it. Sunlight was one of the things she missed about Earth--but not enough to give up the life she and Phil had built in space. No, this was just a short leave of absence before heading back home.

 

No longer able to contain herself, Melinda leaned close to him and kissed him gently. Her hand ran delicately through his hair. Humming in pleasure but keeping his eyes closed, he reached out a hand and pulled her to him, her head coming to rest at his neck. She began trailing kisses up his neck and toward his ear. The soft moans coming from him were sending flashes of heat straight to her core. As his hands began to roam her body, she knew they wouldn’t be getting up anytime soon.  

 

Sometime later, after showering--separately because Phil didn’t want to push his luck in Lian’s house--and getting dressed, they went downstairs. Lian was up drinking tea in the kitchen and she raised an eyebrow at their linked hands as they walked toward her. Melinda felt Phil’s hand slipping from hers, but she held on and squeezed it, hoping it would give him courage. He wasn’t exactly afraid of Lian, but he became extremely deferential when he was around her and avoided doing anything that may displease her. When he did this, Melinda could see traces of the sweet and polite boy he must have been.  

 

“Qiaolian, could you give Phillip and me a few minutes alone please?” 

 

She thought about arguing, but knew it was pointless. This was going to happen sooner or later. Melinda gave Phil’s hand one more squeeze before heading to the living room. Once there, she activated her earpiece which was linked to Phil’s--their protocols called for using comms devices every time they stepped away from the base and if there was a slight chance Phil’s life was in danger, she was required to listen in. Not that her mother was really going to threaten Phil’s life but… Actually, she had no idea what her mother was going to say or do. Better to be prepared.  

 

“So, Phillip. Are you going to tell me what you’ve done with my daughter? Other than sleep with her, that is.”       

 

“I’d love to tell you, Mrs. May, but I’m afraid it’s classified. I’m sure you understand.” Melinda could almost see the saccharine smile on his face; her mother would probably want to punch him right about now. 

 

“That’s an unacceptable answer, but I’m going to let that slide for now,” Lian’s voice was dangerous. “At least tell me you are taking as good care of her as she has done for you all these years.” 

 

“Yes ma’am. I’d give my life for Melinda without hesitation.” 

 

“I know that, Phillip. It’s been that way for a long time, but I want to know if you are making her happy.” 

 

“I think so. We are both very happy,” his voice was soft and genuinely sweet. 

 

“Good. She deserves it, you know.”   
  


“More than anyone I know.” 

 

“I don’t know what took you so long to take this step, but don’t screw it up. You know that if you hurt her I can make you disappear, right?” 

 

“Yes ma’am. I will do my best to make her happy for as long as she’ll have me.” 

  
  


Later that day, as they were sitting on the porch enjoying a clear and beautiful Pennsylvania day, they saw a rental car approaching the house. Both Phil and Melinda tensed and looked around for cover. Lian didn’t seem concerned, and Melinda deduced this was a planned visit. 

 

Only when the car stopped next to their own rental did Melinda realize who it was. She stood and walked to the driver’s side. Within a few seconds, the door opened and she was enveloped in yet another warm hug. 

 

“Hi dad.” 

 

“Mellie!” Her father pulled back and held her at arm's’ length to examine her. “Are you okay? Did anything happen to you? We were so worried!” 

 

“Dad, I’m fine. What is this? I’ve gone longer than nine months without calling or visiting before.” 

 

“Yes, but you’ve never been out of your mother’s radar for this long before. We thought we lost you,” he said as he brought her in for another hug. 

 

That explained her mother’s warmer than usual disposition the night before. There was something both sweet and unsettling about her mother using her CIA contacts to keep tabs on her life as a spy, but she didn’t think this was the time to address that. After all, her mother had used those same contacts to help her search for Phil after he was taken, even if they hadn’t found anything. 

 

“Everything’s fine. There’s no need to worry.” As she said those words, she remembered her close encounter with death during her first mission in space and felt a pang of guilt for keeping that from them. But she didn’t want to worry them even if she could share any details about their current lives on the base.

 

William May stepped away from her and turned his gaze to Phil. “Phillip!” He said enthusiastically as he made his way to her partner and gave him a brief hug, patting his back firmly. Her father had always liked Phil, ever since they met at the Academy graduation. It was quickly apparent that he liked the young agent as a prospective son-in-law. William had been heartbroken when he heard that Phil had been missing for months and there were no leads to find him. 

  
  


That night, Lian and Phil made dinner while Melinda and William caught up with each other. Phil always offered to help with dinner or dishes when he was invited, but this was the first time Lian had actually taken him up on his offers. Melinda thought about turning on the comms again, but something told her that they needed this time to talk things through. Still, she kept listening for any signs of a struggle in the kitchen.   

 

When dinner was served, it looked like her mother and her partner were in better terms. Melinda still thought of Phil as her partner; “boyfriend” sounded silly when they were as old as they were and they now were truly partners in every sense of the word. Partners in life and in work. A team. The conversation at the dinner table was relaxed and mainly carried by Phil and William, both women preferring to let the more talkative men fill in the silence. Melinda thought that this was the first peaceful family dinner she had had after her parents’ divorce. At some point during the last three decades Phil had become part of her family and she couldn’t imagine what her life would be without him. Thankfully, she didn’t have to. 

  
  


Hours later, as she listened to the hypnotic rhythm of Phil’s heartbeat, Melinda thought about how much her life had changed in the last year. The things she had seen and lived would have never even entered her imagination, but somehow they had become the new norm. Every day she slept among the stars next to the man she loved and they worked together keeping Earth safe from dangers that she could never tell her family about. She was happier than she had ever been and it scared her to know that it could all be taken away from her by one small mistake during a mission. Even now, being away from the base had its risks and could leave Earth unprotected in case of an emergency. They had appointed two capable operatives to act as Commander and Deputy, but no one could replace Phil and her. As she delved into those dark thoughts, she was startled by Phil’s voice. 

 

“You can always change your mind.” His chest, draped in the moonlight streaming from the window, contracted under her and the arm that held her to him tightened its grip.  

 

He had been quieter than usual after dinner and now she knew why. 

 

“Phil, you know that’s not gonna happen. You are stuck with me.” She wanted to look into his eyes, but she knew that he would try to avoid her.  

 

“They can’t delete your memories and now that I have Earth privileges, I can stay in touch and come visit you every few months. You can stay here with your family and keep them safe.” She heard the strain in his voice and her heart ached for him. Somehow, after all these months he still didn’t know that she would follow him anywhere. 

 

“Don’t be stupid. I’m right where I need to be.” Melinda raised herself on one elbow to look into Phil’s face. As she had guessed, his eyes were tightly closed and his face had a pained expression. “It’s nice to see my parents, but  _ you _ are my family now.” His eyes opened wide and his lips parted in shock. So he still didn’t know.  _ And he’s supposed to be the smart one.  _ Family was a difficult subject for Phil, but he needed to know that he wasn’t alone.  

 

“Now this better be the last time you ask me to leave you or else I may actually consider it.” 

 

Phil’s eyes softened and his lips curled slightly upwards. He dipped his head and tenderly brushed his lips over hers. The kiss deepened almost instantly and soon they were lost in a tangle of limbs and sheets. 

 

If he had any doubts about how she felt about him before, by the end of the night he had none. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to the amazing elle_you_oh for betaing this story! 
> 
> Tell me what you think! I love hearing from you :)


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another visit on Earth

For the second time that week, Phil and Melinda approached a heavily secured area. This time, instead of a rental, they drove up in LOLA. Phil had insisted they pick up his cherished red Corvette after visiting Lian and William. Coming to a halt in front of a pristine and isolated lake, they waited for some sort of welcome. Within minutes, a path discreetly illuminated in front of them and over the lake in a zigzagging pattern. Phil took put the car in first gear and began to follow the nearly invisible pathway over the tame waters of the glacial lake. About a half mile into the lake, the path began to slope down and toward the water. Soon, they were entering a darkened tunnel that dipped well below the bottom of the lake. A set of giant metal doors lay directly in front of them. They had barely gotten out of the car when the doors opened and a flurry of excitement enveloped them.

 

Daisy was the first one to run in their direction and she threw herself at Phil, almost knocking him off balance. He was overcome with emotion as he returned the young inhuman’s hug.

 

“I’m so glad you’re okay! We were so worried!” Daisy almost shouted in his ear as their embrace died down. And as they stepped away from each other, “What happened to you? Where were you?”

 

Before he could respond, Phil was being pulled into another hug by Simmons, who was almost in tears. He was moved by the scientist’s reaction and he was equally glad to see her. Slightly less expected were the embraces he received from both Fitz and Mack, both men patting his back briefly before stepping back. Elena stepped toward him and kissed his right cheek in salutation before giving him a warm hug. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw another figure standing away from the team. It was Robbie Reyes.  

 

Noticing Phil’s gaze, Daisy pointed to Robbie and explained, “Robbie here has joined SHIELD. He just got back from his first round of training at the new Academy. He was the highest ranked cadet in his class!” Phil could see the pride in her eyes and he thought he saw something more in the way she looked at Robbie. “And don’t worry, Simmons is working on a way to stop the Ghost Rider from taking over at the wrong time.”

 

Judging by the quick show of surprise that passed through Melinda’s generally impassive face, this development happened after she went to find him on the base. Weary as he was of the Rider--and he still sometimes felt a tug on the darker impulses that awoke during his brief possession--he was glad that Robbie was becoming a part of the team. He seemed like a smart, decent man; just the kind of man that SHIELD could use.

 

He walked toward Phil extending his hand. They shook hands and Robbie said, “I’m glad you’re back.” Through the Rider, Robbie knew about Phil’s commitment to the base but it appeared that he had respected the older man’s wishes and not told anyone about it. Phil appreciated that.

 

Phil felt a tug on his hand as Daisy pulled him toward the base. “You have to _see_ this place! It’s amazing. The best base so far! You’ll love your room; it has a private bathroom with a bathtub in it. And your office, Director--”

 

“Daisy,” Phil’s serious voice stopped the inhuman in her tracks. “We are not coming back to SHIELD.” He hated to say this so soon into their visit, but it was important they didn’t get their hopes up.

 

Tears began welling at the corners of Daisy’s eyes and his heart began to break. He thought he heard a gasp behind him, but he couldn’t identify the source.

 

“No. You _have_ to stay. We were just holding down the fort until you got back. And now you’re here…” A tear spilled and her lower lip began to tremble.

 

Phil felt tears forming in his own eyes as he looked at his protegee. “You’re doing well here and you don’t need me.” He began rubbing her arm soothingly. “You could use May, but she’s coming with me. Sorry about that.”

 

A flash of understanding crossed Daisy’s features. She glanced between him and Melinda, as if making sure that her conjectures were correct. “You’re going back _together_. To wherever it is you’ve been this last year.” He could hear resignation in her voice but also an undercurrent of amusement.      

 

“Yes. We are,” Melinda said as she went to stand next to Phil, their arms touching.

 

A hint of a smile appeared in Daisy’s face. She raised an eyebrow at May and the older woman smirked. Phil could hear Elena laughing behind him before she said, “See? I told you! You’ll have to pay up.” This was followed by groans from Fitz and Mack.     

“Is this retirement? Or are you working for someone else now?”

 

“We are working. But we can’t really discuss more than that.” Phil’s heart constricted. He wanted to tell the team about the base, about the work they were doing. But he knew it was best if they didn’t know. At least for now. There could come a time when he would have to work with the Director of SHIELD and perhaps he could fill them in then.   

 

“How long are you staying with us?”

 

“Three days.” He wished they could stay longer, but they had spent three days at Lian’s house and they still had one more stop to make before heading back to the base.  

 

“Well, let’s make them count.” Daisy went back to dragging him into the base, excitedly showing off the premises.

  


The most exciting event of their visit came that night over dinner. A few hours after their arrival, the team was assembled in a shared kitchen area as Phil, Elena, and Robbie cooked for everyone on the base. All 54 souls who lived there. When Phil learned that they had been surviving on MREs for most of the year, he decided that everyone should have real food for at least one meal. His idea was well-received and he began to plan. Elena quickly volunteered to cook with him and Robbie quietly stepped forward and offered his help as well. The three of them brainstormed for close to an hour to come up with a simple menu for that night.

 

Phil, Melinda, and Daisy went to get food at the local warehouse store. As they went down the aisles, putting big containers in the two carts they were pushing, Daisy was peppering them with questions.

 

“So, how long have you two been… _you know_.”

 

“Do you have any idea of what she’s talking about, Phil?”

 

“No. Not a clue.”

 

“Okay. Play it coy if you want. But if I go through our security tapes tomorrow, I will definitely _not_ find footage of you sneaking into his room tonight,” she said looking straight at Melinda.

 

“No, you will not.” Melinda paused to grab five big cans of black beans and put them on one of the carts. “He’ll sneak into to _my_ room.”

 

Daisy let out a breathy laugh. “Well, congratulations are in order!” She walked over to Phil and gave him a big hug, which he returned in kind. Daisy then approached Melinda and wrapped her arms around the older woman in a more restrained hug than the one she had given Phil. Melinda also returned the gesture. “I was starting to think this,” she motioned her finger between the two of them, “wasn’t gonna happen. I’m glad the power of love won in the end.”

 

“How much did you win?” Phil knew they were all a little more curious than normal and it didn’t take him long to figure out why.

 

“It depends on how long you’ve been together.”

 

“Nine months,” Melinda said, turning away to hide her smile from Daisy. He was also smiling from thinking about their time together.

 

“Yes! I’m now $2,000 richer. But Elena is gonna make bank!”

  


Melinda, Jemma, and Mack volunteered for food preparation. Considering the number of mouths they were feeding, their work began a few hours before dinner. Phil gave them instructions on what to do with the big bags and boxes of vegetables and headed to Daisy’s office to continue to learn about the new SHIELD’s operations and spend time with his inhuman protegee.

 

Phil was almost moved to tears when entered Daisy’s office for the first time. It was modernly furnished and well appointed, but what stood out where the large displays of old SSR and SHIELD memorabilia that lined the wall behind her desk. There were model airplanes, old spyware, antique badges, and even a well-maintained uniform from the 50’s. On her desk he saw a model of LOLA that was permanently hovering a couple of inches over a magnetic plate.

 

“You like it?” Daisy’s excitement was apparent as she showed him around the office. “I spent months looking for these pieces. I thought you’d want your office to have some history when you got back.”

 

“I don’t know what to say, Daisy. It looks great!” He was overwhelmed with emotions. Phil had tried not to think about the effect of his sudden departure on his team because he still could not grapple with his new duties. But standing in Daisy’s office, seeing exactly how much his absence had hurt her, he felt guilty. Not because he had left, but because he didn’t want to go back. He missed Daisy and the rest of the team very much and was glad to spend time with them, but he was starting to understand that he was better suited to be the Commander than the Director of SHIELD. Operating without boundaries, with near unlimited resources, on problems that spanned the unimaginable was more his style. And doing it with Melinda by his side--seeing her truly shine in her role--made it all the sweeter. He couldn’t ask his team to give up Earth and go work for them on the base, but he also was not about to give up his life on the base to come back to Earth. The road had split and they had gone different ways, even if they would always remain a family.   

 

After a few seconds of silence, he added, “Now that you know I’m not coming back, you can decorate your office however you like.”

 

Daisy shook her head and laughed sadly. “No, my office stays like this. I kept telling people I did this for when you came back, but in the back of my mind, I didn’t know if you would. No, I did this to feel closer to you, to follow your example. And I want to keep doing that.”

 

Phil saw her eyes shine with unshed tears and he took a few steps toward her and hugged her. The tears she was trying to suppress came unbidden as she buried her head in his shoulder and he wished things could be different. He knew that his departure would hurt her, but he also knew that the pain would go away. And now that he had Earth privileges, they could begin communicating regularly and could see each other every few months. He’d be there for her--just not _there_.     

 

“I guess there’s no way of making you change your mind about coming back?” Daisy said as she stepped away from his embrace.

 

“No,” he said softly.

 

“Are you happy wherever it is you are?”

 

“Yes. Very much so. I am where I’m supposed to be, and now that May is with me…” He didn’t know how to end that sentence without giving too much of his heart away, so he let the words hang in the air.

 

“I’m glad. You two deserve to be happy. And together. I took one look at you when you first came into the base and I knew you two were happy and weren’t coming back. I was hoping I was wrong, but I rather see you happy away from here than unhappy here,” she paused to wipe away the last remnants of the tears she had shed, “Will you come visit again?”

 

“Yes. We should be able to come by every few months. And we’ll be able to call, text, and email too. Soon you’ll be asking me to stop talking to you.” They laughed at this, both desperate to dissipate some of the sadness that hung in the air.

 

“I’m glad. Not knowing was the worst part. Now that we know you’re okay, I think it will be easier.” Suddenly, her eyes widened and a big smile formed on her lips. “You better invite us to the wedding! I don’t want to hear you got married without us!”

 

Phil smiled sheepishly and looked away. Daisy added, “Wait, you haven’t gotten married already, have you?” She reached for his robotic hand and inspected it for a ring. She didn’t find one.

 

“If I’m completely honest, I’m not sure she’d want to marry me. I mean, it’s not like we can start a family or anything and she’s already been married before…”

 

“Oh no, Coulson. No. Just no. Don’t say that. Do you have any idea how much that woman loves you? You should have seen her after you disappeared. Or anytime that your life was in danger. She most _definitely_ wants to marry you. And I know you want to marry her--you are totally the romantic type who’d plan a sweet proposal and cry at the wedding.”

 

He smiled. He _was_ that romantic. And he would have been lying if he said he hadn’t thought about proposing at some point. Part of him kept thinking that she’d come to her senses and realize she didn’t want him. Or decide she wanted to go back to Earth.

 

“In fact, I bet you already have a ring.”

 

Phil’s eyes widened slightly before he could contain his reaction.

 

“You _do_ have a ring! This is perfect! You _have_ to propose. And remember, I want to be at the wedding! This is so exciting!” Daisy stepped toward him and enveloped him in a tight embrace, but this time the tears threatening to spill from her eyes were from happiness. “In fact, I think I should be the flower girl.” Phil let out a chuckle, “See what I did there? ‘Cause the name’s Daisy…”

 

When they had stopped by his house in Wisconsin to pick up LOLA, Phil took the opportunity to retrieve his mother’s engagement ring. It had been in his family for three generations. In the day they spent in Manitowoc, he had a jeweler resize it and add three small baguette-shaped diamonds to either side of the main rock, one for each decade they had known each other. He hadn’t known if he would ever work up the nerve to propose, but he wanted to be ready in case he did. Daisy’s words were beginning to convince him that he should.

 

Since they were touching on the topic, Phil decided to find out some information for himself. “So, how long have you and Robbie been a thing?”

 

Daisy’s eyes widened slightly, her surprise soon replaced by a coy smile as she began examining the carpet pattern. So it was true then. “Well... “ she was stalling and they both knew it, “everything is still kind of new. We are taking things… slow. We wanted to get to know each other well first.” Her smile widened and she met Phil’s gaze. “After all, the best couples I know started as good friends. Fitz and Simmons, you and May…”

 

It was Phil’s turn to smile. Melinda had occupied every crevice of his heart and soul before she found him in space. To say they had been good friends felt like an oversimplification. But it also felt appropriate. They were _best friends_ and had been for years. Phil couldn’t imagine his life without Melinda and he hoped will all his heart that Daisy could find a love like that. All encompassing and eternal. It was heartening to hear that her and Robbie were taking things slowly and trying to build a relationship properly. He wished them the best of luck.

  
  


By the time Phil made it back to the Kitchen, it was time to start cooking. He stared at the trays of beautifully washed, peeled, and cut vegetables that May, Simmons and Mack had prepared. This would be the first time he’d cook for such a large party, but he was convinced that it’d be worth it just to see the look on the faces of the poor agents who had been eating nothing but MREs for months. Phil may have been a prisoner for a few months, but even his captors thought it was important to give him _real_ food. In space. There was no reason these deprived souls couldn’t get one good meal while he was around.

 

The food prep team stepped away from the counters and sat on the other side of the kitchen island to watch the cooking team do their magic. Everyone had a beer in hand and the conversation was flowing easily. Even Melinda was talking more that usual. It felt familiar and comforting. Phil’s heart tightened; he truly missed his team. In a perfect world, he would have been able to stay with them and be with Melinda.

 

His world had never been perfect.

 

Elena was a fantastic asset in the kitchen--her speed allowed her to check on multiple dishes at once in the span of mere heartbeats. In reality, she probably could have done all the cooking by herself without breaking a sweat, but working as a team felt right to everyone. Robbie was also surprisingly nimble in the kitchen, something he attributed to all the years he had been taking care of his brother since their parents’ death.

 

“So, Coulson, how long have you and May been together now?” Elena was facing away from him as she measured out rice.  

 

“Why do you want to know?” Phil paused briefly after glancing at Melinda, “Not that I’m admitting anything.”

 

“So you _are_ together. Any chance you’ve been together since she found you?”

 

“Any chance you’ve got a bet riding on the answer to that question?”

 

“Maybe. But I’m also a curious person. Why are you evading my questions?”

 

“How much?” Phil was mixing a marinade for the main meat dish.

 

“Maybe $10,000, but only if you got together when she found you.”

 

“Well, I know who’s buying everyone at least five rounds at the bar after dinner,” said Melinda, to the astonishment of everyone present, including Phil. He had been careful to act professional around her because she was a private person and for that reason he had deflected all questions about their romance. He was shocked when she confirmed Daisy’s suspicions, but he thought that was due to the young woman’s closeness to both of them. Phil didn’t expect her to tell pretty much the whole team that they were together or for how long.

 

“That’s wonderful!” Simmons chirped, making as if to hug Melinda but thinking better of it.

 

“So it took Coulson getting kidnapped for you two to confess your feelings?” Mack was smiling in disbelief.

 

Robbie looked a little perplexed. “Wait, so you two _weren’t_ together before?”

 

Simmons, Elena, and Mack laughed and even Melinda cracked a small smile at this comment. He shot a meaningful look to Robbie--the young man was privy to some of Phil’s thoughts and feelings after the deal he made with the Rider, just like Phil now understood Robbie much better. But that look was unnecessary, Robbie understood that anything he learned from the Rider was to remain unsaid.

 

“What’s everyone laughing at?” Daisy asked as she and Fitz walked into the kitchen.

 

“Oh, nothing.” Simmons answered.

 

“I won the 10k!” Elena chimed in excitedly.

 

“Ahh, shite,” Fitz groaned, then quickly recovered, “I mean, congratulations! Sir, May, it was high time you two got together. You waited even longer than _we_ did!” He said as he pointed toward Simmons, who was blushing at his words.

  


Dinner was a resounding success. The SHIELD agents and employees were so excited to eat real food that they made short work of the massive amount of food that the team prepared. Even the roasted vegetables and fresh fruit salad were gone in minutes. Phil sat in the cafeteria, beaming smile adorning his face as he took small bites of his food. Melinda shot glances at him and grinned, sharing his pride. The team seemed to be enjoying the meal just as much as the rest of the base, and conversation was kept to a minimum as everyone gleefully stuffed themselves with food.

 

Phil felt a hand squeezing his knee and saw Melinda smiling softly in his direction. That smile never ceased to make his heart skip a beat, and this was no exception. He lowered his hand to cover hers and squeezed it affectionately. Phil often wondered if she regretted leaving her life behind to go live with him on the base. Looking into the dark depths of her eyes, all he saw was unconditional love. He missed Daisy and the team just like he knew she did, but it was Melinda who gave his life purpose, who kept him sane. _She’s my life._

 

As long as he could spend the rest of his life with her, he knew he would be the happiest man in the universe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! I love hearing from you.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Difficult goodbyes

Saying goodbye was never easy. Phil and Melinda sat in the Zephyr as it prepared for landing. LOLA was securely strapped near the ramp. As they were heading out of the base, Daisy had offered to take them to their next stop. It was apparent that she didn’t want to say goodbye just yet, so Phil and Melinda accepted the offer. At the hangar they had parted ways with Mack, Elena and Robbie. Mack and Elena had hugged Phil affectionately, and Robbie had shaken his hand and patted his back respectfully. They had kept more distance from Melinda when they said their goodbyes, but there was still a good natured familiarity about the interaction. Phil knew they would both miss their team dearly when they went back to the base.

 

Before heading toward the Zephyr, he had asked to speak to Robbie.

 

“Take care of her,” Phil’s words were warm, but the underlying threat was unmistakeable. He played the part of father perfectly.

 

“Yes, sir.” Robbie didn’t even bother to act surprised or pretend to ignore who Phil was referring to.

 

“She makes her own choices and is perfectly capable of taking care of herself, but don’t think I won’t hunt you down if you hurt her.”

 

Robbie smiled and let out a breathy laugh. “With all due respect sir, I’m way more afraid of her than I am of you.” The twinkle in the young man’s eyes suggested that his words were tinged with admiration and perhaps even love. _I hope they both find the happiness they deserve._ Yes, the romantic in Phil really hoped that things worked out between Robbie and Daisy. They both needed to catch a good break.

 

Melinda had taken Jemma aside to talk to her, so Phil stayed behind chatting with Fitz and Daisy. The three original team members were determined to stay with them until the very last minute. Phil felt conflicted as he tried to answer some general questions about their new job without giving too much information--at a different time in his life, he would have told them more than he was supposed to share, but now he didn’t want to risk his memories. He couldn’t lose Melinda and everything they had lived together these last nine months. Never mind that almost half of the last three decades would be suddenly wiped away.  

 

“So what are we doing here? Are you running a mission or going on vacation?” Daisy asked as they stepped out of the Zephyr and into a landing strip near a white sand beach. In the distance, turquoise waters twinkled under the tropical sun and palm trees dotted the landscape.

 

“We are visiting an old friend,” said Phil as he pointed to a lone figure walking toward them.

 

A deeply tanned John approached them holding a large green coconut with the top cut away and a straw sticking out of the hole. Phil had never seen him in shorts and sandals before, but he thought that the look suited him. The older man’s shoulders were relaxed and he had a couple of days’ worth of stubble on his weathered cheeks.

 

“Welcome to Resilience!” John’s tone was warm as he approached them and he extended his arms to point encompass the island.

 

Stepping forward, Phil hugged the older man, being careful not to spill his drink. The young agents were eyeing the interaction curiously but didn’t betray any reaction to the familiarity between the two men. However, when Melinda stepped forward and gave John a full smile and a brief hug, all three stared wide-eyed at Phil, the question clearly written across their features.  As Melinda stepped back, Phil pointed to the three SHIELD agents and looking at his mentor said, “John, these are Daisy and FitzSimmons.”

 

John approached them and shook their hands, a soft smile firmly planted in his face. He knew exactly who they were; Phil had mentioned them several times since he was “picked up” (or abducted) the year before. Turning to the young agents, Phil pointed toward John and said, “This is John, he’s been a mentor and friend to me for most of my life.” Shaking his head and looking at the ground shyly he added, “Actually, he’s been more like a father to me than anyone else. If you ever need to get a hold of us and we’re not responding to calls, texts, or emails, come find John.” The older man smiled brightly at Phil and put a hand on the Commander’s shoulder, squeezing lightly.

 

“So, do you live here?” Daisy asked, craning her neck to see the sparkling water in the distance.

 

“Yes, you could say that. My employers own this island and after 40 years of working for them, they let me retire here. They also own the next three islands in this archipelago, and they allow some of their employees to vacation here to get away from the office.”

 

“Are these the same employers that you two work for?” Fitz asked pointing at Phil and May.

 

“It’s classified,” Phil answered with amusement in his voice. Of course they got their answer from him, but he didn’t say the words out loud. He knew they would try to trace the ownership of the archipelago to find out who exactly was employing them, but he was confident that their search would be fruitless. The Benefactors were very careful with any possible paper trail that could connect them to the base.

 

“Yeah, yeah. Of course. I get it.” Daisy rolled her eyes. “Well… we should probably leave you now. Try to get some sun, okay? I don’t want to hear you came here for work and didn’t even dip a toe in that beautiful water.”

 

“Will do,” Phil said as he stepped closer to the young Director. Daisy closed the gap between the two and threw her arms around his shoulders, pulling him in for a hug. Phil held her as her shoulders started to shake and he felt his shirt beginning to soak through. This goodbye was much harder than either of them had anticipated. He could feel his own tears forming as he thought about leaving the closest thing he had to a daughter back on Earth. But as he raised his head, his eyes locked with John, who was giving him a sympathetic smile. Phil thought of his mentor and his influence and felt sure that he could be just as involved with Daisy from space. After all, he only saw John for short periods of time every few months for years and the man still managed to make him a better man. Phil was determined to be there for her and give her as much guidance as she needed for as long as she’d take it.

 

He rubbed Daisy’s back slowly while her breathing evened and he felt a hand join his in soothing the inhuman. Melinda had walked up to them and was now rubbing Daisy’s shoulder, which served to pry her from Phil’s embrace and redirect her toward her own waiting arms. As the two most important women in his life held each other, Phil felt his heart swell. This was his family; something he hadn’t had since his mother passed away all those years ago. A lifetime ago.

 

No, Phil wasn't going to forget Daisy. He promised himself he'd be there for her for as long as she needed him.

 

A tap on his shoulder made him turn and see Jemma standing behind him, unshed tears shining in her eyes as she smiled at him. He could see she was hurting, but she was putting on a brave face for them. As he faced her, she closed the distance between them and gave him a big hug; one that surprised both. Jemma had always been the oldest, independent child who needed the least amount of supervision. She mostly kept to herself, didn't demand attention or affection the way that Daisy did. Even Fitz had commanded more of Phil's parental instincts than she did. But as she wrapped her arms tightly around his shoulders, he realized how much he had come to care for her in these last few years. Jemma had become part of his found family. He'd make sure to be there for her if she needed him.

 

Stepping back from that embrace, Phil said, “I hope you know I'm very proud of you Jemma. You've come so far since we met. I really wish you and Fitz all the happiness in the world. I’ll be there for you if you ever need me.”

 

Jemma nodded, her lips pressed into a sad smile. Fitz stepped behind her and gently placed both hands on her shoulders, giving her a reassuring squeeze. She closed her eyes and the tears that had been threatening to spill rolled slowly down her cheeks. Fitz planted a sweet kiss on her temple and stepped around her toward Phil.  

 

Before Phil could react, the younger man had enveloped him in a tight hug. If Daisy was the closest thing he had to a daughter, Fitz was like a son to Phil. The young man had surprised him time and time again and the Commander could not wait to see what the future held for the brilliant scientist. Much like himself and Melinda, Fitz and Simmons made a formidable team that could accomplish anything and that deserved all the happiness in the universe. The Scot stepped away from the embrace, keeping a hand on Phil’s shoulder.

 

“We’ll miss you, sir.” Fitz had his eyes trained on the ground beneath his feet. His reddened eyes shone in the bright morning. The raw pain on Fitz’s features made Phil’s heart ache.

 

Phil smiled, a sad smile that did not reach his eyes but that was reassuring nonetheless, “We’ll miss you too, Fitz. Take care of yourself and Jemma. And if you ever need anything, _anything_ , call me or come find John.

 

Fitz stepped back and nodded slowly, obviously fighting to keep his emotions in check.

 

Not for the first time that day, Phil wished they could stay on Earth with the young agents. He briefly glanced at Melinda, who was locked in a tight embrace with Jemma, the scientist crying into the Deputy’s shoulder. He felt the familiar pangs of guilt in his chest, but he knew that Melinda would not appreciate the sentiment. No, neither of them wanted to leave their life in space, no matter how much they missed their team.  

 

A few minutes later, the Zephyr was nothing more than a receding speck in the horizon. Phil felt Melinda’s hand squeeze his own and he knew that she felt exactly as he did.

 

“So, would you rather stay in a secluded beach house, a mountain cabin, or one of the suites in the main building?” John asked, kicking off their well-deserved vacation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Elle for being a great Beta and overall awesome friend. I appreciate your encouragement and help with this fic these last few months. 
> 
> Let me know what you thought! I love hearing from you :) We are getting close to the end now and I'm deeply grateful for your support throughout these chapters. I wouldn't be doing this without your encouragement!


	18. Chapter 18

She dug her toes gently into the white sand, her body filling with warmth and comfort. Melinda had always liked the beach, but this time, after months deprived of sunlight and fresh air, she was thoroughly enjoying herself. She was also loving the view of the beautiful turquoise waters and the handsome man gracefully swimming in them. His muscles glistened in the morning sun as he cut through the water line, his body making small ripples over the calm surface. Her skin was flushed and hot; she wasn’t sure if it was because of the sunlight caressing her or because of the mesmerizing figure retreating into the ocean. Yes, this was exactly what she wanted to be doing during her vacation.

When Phil finished his swim, he got closer to the beach and floated on his back for a few minutes. With his eyes closed and his arms and legs extended away from his body, he looked at peace. Watching him from the beach, Melinda felt the urge to either join him in his serenity or disturb his peace by jumping on him. Before she could do either, Phil stood up, and started to walk toward her, water dripping down his body and making his swimming trunks stick closely to his legs. She licked her lips and looked around her out of habit before remembering that Phil, John and her were the only current occupants of the island--and John was making a point of staying away from them during the day.

 

Within seconds, Melinda had Phil pinned over her beach towel and she was making short work of the only garment he was wearing. She did really love watching him swim.

  


Hours later, they lay curled up on the porch of their beach house, watching the sun setting over the ocean. Neither spoke, both stunned by the beauty of the colors dancing across the sky. Breathing in the familiar smell of her partner mixed with the sea, Melinda felt completely at peace. This was the first time they had shared a vacation and--like everything else in their relationship--she thought that they should have done so years ago. Phil’s right hand was slowly caressing her hair as she sat comfortably on his lap. He shifted under her, sighing contentedly. It was close to dinner time and they were expected at John’s cabin for a home cooked meal and drinks. She wished they could stay on the porch a little longer, but she knew that Phil was eager to catch up with his mentor. Standing up, she headed into their assigned beach house and walked straight into the luxurious master bathroom to take a shower. Within a couple of minutes, she was sharing the warm spray with a very attentive Phil, who was determined to make the most out of their vacation. _I could get used to this_ , she thought before her mind was overwhelmed by the skillful tongue of her lover, who was kneeling in front of her.

 

When they were finally able to tear themselves away from each other and the waterfall shower in their bathroom, they were already late to dinner with John. They made their way to the other side of the island, walking barefoot over the cool white sand, the moon illuminating their path. Phil reached out and held Melinda’s hand, pulling her close and draping his arm over her shoulder. This was almost a cliche, a moonlit walk on the beach in the arms of the man she loved, but she understood the appeal of the image.

 

Ahead, surrounded by torches, she saw a beautiful house overlooking the ocean. It was similar to the cabin they were staying in, but much bigger; a three story building with a deck on the first level, two wrap-around balconies, and a dock that extended far into the water. A breathtaking house that could easily accommodate over 20 guests. The Benefactors built it specially for John, a retirement present that also came with maintenance staff and the use of a private jet. After all the years he dedicated to saving the Earth, he wouldn’t have to lift a finger in retirement. However, John decided to do without most of the staff and perform the cleaning and maintenance of the house himself, as a way to keep his days occupied and remain active. This way, the island stayed completely deserted unless someone was visiting or the grounds needed maintenance. This solitude was something that the older man cherished; after a lifetime of living in close quarters with hundreds of operatives, he could use some alone time on a beautiful beach.

 

_If hell is other people, then paradise must be a deserted island_ , thought Melinda. Although to her paradise would have at least one other person in it. She couldn’t live without Phil. Never again.  

 

As they stepped into the deck, they saw John coming out with a dish towel draped over his left shoulder and a relaxed expression. Melinda smiled at the former Deputy. Out of the corner of her eye she saw movement inside the house and tensed--they were told there would be no one else on the island for the duration of their visit. As her heart rate spiked, her hand reached for the knife she kept strapped to her tigh, invisible under the sun dress she wore. From where she stood, she couldn’t make out the details of the stranger inside, but something in the careless movements seemed familiar. Before recognition set in, she felt Phil step forward, dragging her along through their linked hands. He was excited. When they crossed the threshold, she realized the stranger was none other than Nick Fury. The one-eyed man wore a hideous hawaiian shirt, cargo shorts and his feet were bare; he was holding a colorful cocktail with three small paper parasols sticking out from the top along with a pink and white straw.

 

Phil let go of Melinda’s hand and approached Fury with arms outstretched. The older man grinned and stepped into his successor’s hug. They patted each other strongly on the back before separating, both careful not to spill Fury’s drink.

 

“Phil fucking Coulson! The Commander himself is gracing us with his presence.”

 

“It’s very nice to see you, sir.” Phil’s eyes were as bright as his smile.

 

“And I’m glad you’re not grounded anymore. I swear, if those motherfuckers had done that to me, I would’ve destroyed Earth myself just to show them you don’t mess with me.”

 

“No, you wouldn’t have,” John said as he walked into the house, heading straight into the kitchen.

 

“No, I wouldn’t have. But I would’ve been damn tempted to.” Fury turned his eye to Melinda, standing like a sentry behind Phil. “Well, I have to say I’m really impressed, Agent May. I didn’t think you’d find Phil up on the base, but you proved me wrong.”

 

“I found him no thanks to you, Fury,” her words were icy as she remembered everything that the former SHIELD Director had put Phil through since recruiting him to the spy agency. No, it would be awhile before Melinda could forgive Nick Fury.

 

Phil, however, seemed genuinely happy to see his former mentor. Talking excitedly, he recounted the last few missions they had worked together on the base, omitting classified details and highlighting the exceptional partnership between the new Commander and his Deputy. Watching his enthusiastic expression, his hands flying as his words set the scene for their last mission, Melinda felt her heart warm. Despite everything he had been through--everything he had lost--Phil was still the dorky cadet she had a crush on all those decades ago. His ability to cling to his humanity was enviable.

      

* * *

 

Dinner was delicious. John had spent the last few months getting acquainted with the massive kitchen in his retirement house and it showed. The menu was simple but perfectly executed. He took the opportunity to showcase local ingredients and tropical flavors, an effective tribute to their current location. Phil couldn’t remember the last time he ate that well. John’s rum cocktails were as enchanting as his food, and soon after dinner they all fell into an easy, alcohol-induced conversation that lasted well into the night. Phil was happy to catch up with both of the men who had mentored him all these years and helped to shape him into the man he was today. They were his family.  

 

Taking in their slightly inebriated state, John insisted that they stay in one of the many guest rooms that night. Despite their protests, there was no convincing the older man that they’d be fine walking back under the moonlight along the deserted beach. Fury was staying on the second floor, John’s suite was on the top floor, and Phil and Melinda were situated in the first floor. Every occupant of the house enjoyed of a breathtaking ocean view and access to a balcony or deck.

 

Melinda was tired. They had said their goodbyes to the team earlier that day, and he knew that the visit had taken its toll on both of them. She was emotionally exhausted. They also hadn’t slept very much so far during their visit to Earth--after so many months away, they found themselves sharing late-night conversations with their loved ones every night that week, all parties eager to prolong their visit. Even Melinda’s mother had changed her sleeping schedule to spend more time with them. All of this resulted in Melinda falling asleep while Phil brushed his teeth and prepared for bed. He watched her from the bathroom door, marvelling at his luck. Her chest rose and fell rhythmically and he was tempted to lay next to her and join her in sleep. But Phil knew that this was wishful thinking. His mind was in chaos, a burning question keeping him awake.

 

He padded carefully outside their room, making his way to the living room. The light in the kitchen was beckoning, encouraging him to seek the person standing in front of the sink.

 

“I thought you said you’d take care of the dishes tomorrow.”

 

“Well, technically it _is_ tomorrow,” John said keeping his back to Phil, his hands moving delicately over a porcelain casserole dish. “I couldn’t sleep, so I figured I might as well get started on this.”

 

Phil remained silent, oddly at a loss for words. John filled the silence, “Why don’t you help me with the dishes while you tell me what’s on your mind.” His words had their intended effect, within a few seconds Phil was standing next to his mentor, carefully drying the same casserole dish John had been washing a moment before.

 

It still took Phil a few minutes to begin talking, but when he did, the words flowed out of him like a torrent. He told John about their visit with the team and about his guilt at abandoning the young agents. About the remnants of his guilt for dragging Melinda away from Earth. About his concerns about the safety of the planet. All the while, the two men washed and dried the dishes from the evening’s meal, John listening attentively and only interjecting words of encouragement.

 

Finally, after what seemed like forever, he touched on the topic that had been at the forefront of his mind for the last few days.

 

“I don’t remember a lot about my father. I was too young to really see him for who he was. I grew up hearing about him from my mother and I was always amazed by the love and adoration that came through her voice when she spoke of him. She told me once, weeks before she…” Phil paused, his voice thinning, “she told me that the eleven years they were married were the happiest of her life. She wanted me to find a love that strong and everlasting. And I did. I love Melinda. More than I thought it was possible to love someone. Somehow she loves me back and wants to be with me, up on that space station and away from her friends and family. And…”

 

Phil finished drying the dish he was holding and he set it down, turning toward John.

 

“And that should be enough. More than enough. Hell, it’s way more than I deserve. But I want more. I want it _all_. I want to marry her and give her everything I have and even everything I don’t have. But I know she’s been married before and she lost Andrew in such a traumatic way--I’m not sure she’d want me that way after all that she’s been through. And I understand… I do. But I still want to be her husband. I want it and I hate myself for being so greedy when I already have so much.”

 

He stopped talking, his hands coming to cover his face as he rubbed the exhaustion from his temples. John set down the glass he was washing, wiping his hands on the dish towel draped over his shoulder before patting Phil on the back affectionately.

 

“Phil, you are great at analyzing situations,” John said with a smile before adding, “but I think you are over analyzing this. If you love her enough to propose--do it. If she says no, then you can nurse your broken heart. Don’t do it before you need to.”

 

Phil smiled and shook his head. He was over analyzing things as usual. For some reason he did this a lot when it came to Melinda.

 

“For what it’s worth, I think she’ll say yes,” said John before turning back to the dishes.

 

Phil went back to their room feeling lighter. John was always a great listener, and talking to him about his worries had helped him immensely. Now he stood a few feet from the bed, taking in the sleeping form of Melinda, lying on her stomach, with her t-shirt clad back exposed by the covers. Phil removed his clothes, careful not to make much noise and slipped into the bed, snuggling up to her and enjoying the warmth emanating from her body. He was still not convinced that she’d take him, but at least he was determined to ask.

 

* * *

 

They should have definitely done this before. Melinda couldn’t think of the last time she had enjoyed herself that much, if ever. The last three days had been perfect, beyond anything she had imagined. Despite their vast personality differences, Melinda found that Phil and her were in sync, completely aware of the other’s moods and thoughts. It was refreshing to be with someone who understood her so deeply and whom she trusted so openly.

 

Right then, however, she didn’t trust him so completely.

 

They were sitting on a moss-covered rock, eating sandwiches while wiping off the sweat from their brows and swatting away the mosquitoes that swarmed them. She’d expect as much from a hike through the rainforest, which is why the idea had not appealed to her. But Phil had been insistent and she was becoming suspicious. Phil was outdoorsy when his job required him to be, but he was the type of man who’d sit by the fire reading a good book rather than the man who was currently dragging her to the top of the sole mountain on the Resilience. He was up to something.

 

She would have confronted him about it earlier, but he also seemed genuinely happy. He was clearly enjoying the fresh air, even if it was thick with blood-sucking vermin. They were following a small trail that disappeared at regular intervals, but Phil knew the way without having to rely on the sporadic white trail blazes they encountered. The third time he correctly guided them through the overgrown and unmarked path, he explained that he had been to Resilience at least once a year for the last three decades. He even spent six months here while recovering from a particularly bad injury he suffered up on the base--this was of course no longer necessary once they discovered the regenerative properties of Kree blood. But it was the perfect place for their operatives to mentally recover from their stressful work. Melinda wondered briefly if the two of them would receive a nice house on the island like John’s upon their retirement. The thought appealed to her. A quiet life on the beach with the love of her life.

 

But right now, island living did not seem so tempting. She made a point not to complain because she knew Phil had a plan and she wanted to know what it was before judging their current circumstances too harshly.

 

As they climbed the steep mountainside, their muscles screaming from the effort, she was finding it more and more difficult to be patient.

 

Finally, they left the trail and followed a spring to a collection of pristine pools that were fed by a waterfall that erupted from a cave several feet above them. It was breathtaking. Phil’s smile was positively radiant and she didn’t bother to suppress the urge to pull him down for a kiss.

 

“I found these swimming holes on one of my first hikes around the island and I’ve been coming here ever since. I’m not sure anyone else knows they are here.” Turning away from her, Phil started to remove his clothing, carefully folding each item and placing it on a rock. Distracted by his stripping, it took Melinda a few seconds to realize he was going skinny dipping in the the pools. He approached the deepest swimming hole and dipped one of his toes in the water, testing its temperature. Satisfied with what he felt, he took a deep breath before jumping into the middle of the pool, his naked form disappearing from the surface in a splash. Far from the elegant move he performed when swimming at the base, his dive reminded Melinda of a child enjoying an adventurous summer afternoon.

 

As his head broke the water, Phil smiled at her and beckoned her with his hand. “The water’s cold and it feels wonderful!”

 

She didn’t need any more encouragement to shed her clothes and jump in, the thought of providing her skin with a sweet release from the heat, humidity, and mosquito bites was enough of an incentive. And of course, it didn’t hurt that there was a handsome man waiting for her in the water naked and with open arms. The pool was deep--she could tell from the way Phil sank when he jumped in and the fact they couldn’t see the bottom--but she chose to gracefully lower herself to the water instead of diving in.

 

_Phil was right_ , she thought as she let go of the edge of the pool, _the water feels perfect._

 

As she made her way to the center, she was pulled into a tight embrace. Melinda shivered when her wet skin made contact with Phil’s. Suddenly, the water around them wasn’t cold enough to keep her from overheating. She could tell by his blown pupils and his growing member pressing against her leg that she was not the only one having inappropriate thoughts. These pristine pools, surrounded by thick, lush vegetation were a great spot to give free rein to their desires.  

 

She was no longer peeved about the long hike or the heat. No, this was _perfect_.

 

Her thoughts were a whirlwind, but it was as if everything stopped when she felt his hot lips on her neck. She clung to his shoulders, his body keeping them afloat and holding them together in the middle of the seemingly bottomless pool. As he continued to kiss down her neck and behind her ear, Phil moved them back until her back was pressed against a smooth rock at the edge of the pool. While his left hand found a hand hold behind her, his right began sliding down her body, igniting her skin beneath his fingers. He finally found his target and began a gentle exploration of her folds. His ministrations soon had her her moaning his name, her eyes screwed shut.

 

She wanted to respond in kind, but she didn’t trust her body to stay afloat while he was expertly pumping his fingers into her sex. Instead, she clung even more tightly to his shoulders while her legs wrapped around his hips, trapping his hand between their bodies. Two of his fingers were entering her at maddeningly slow pace while his thumb rubbed wide circles around her clit--close but not close enough. Her moans of pleasure turned into desperate pleas.

 

“Please, Phil. I need you, _now,_ ” she almost growled. 

 

Her eyes were still closed but she could hear the smile in his voice as he spoke in a low voice, “Tell me what you want, Melinda.”  

 

“I need you inside me, Phil.” She loved the way he could completely undo her resolve, forcing her to beg as if she had no control over her own body.

 

“Anything for you, my love,” he whispered, his mouth ghosting the shell of her ear. Phil removed his fingers from her core, cupping her ass to readjust her position until she could feel the tip of his erection pressing at her entrance. He placed both hands behind her, grabbing the rock for leverage. She tightened her legs around his torso, drawing him all way inside of her in one fierce thrust. They both moaned loudly at this action. The water around them diluted their natural lubricants, and the resulting friction was a delicious mix of pain and pleasure.

 

For a few moments, neither moved. They basked in the sensations of being joined while surrounded by the cool water of the spring. When she felt ready, Melinda began gyrating her hips, causing him to growl and thrust into her at a steady pace. After a few minutes, Melinda began to use her legs to speed up his pace, and soon he was slamming into her, sending small waves through the otherwise tranquil pool. It wasn’t long before she felt her orgasm building. Phil captured her lips with his own and his tongue began to prod her mouth in sync with his thrusts, making her mind spin. His pace quickened, his movements becoming erratic and she knew that he was close. Breaking away from their kiss, Melinda began digging her nails into his back as her mouth moved to claim his left earlobe. He hissed, half in pleasure and half in pain, as her nails raked across her skin and her teeth nipped at the tender flesh of his ear.

 

When her breath quickened and her muscles began contracting, she whispered in his ear, “Come with me, Phil!”

 

Phil moaned loudly as her walls began to contract around him, both falling into the abyss together. His body, propelled by his arms, continued pumping into her as they rode their orgasms, both breathless.

 

Phil seemed to regain his control first, and soon he lifted her to sit her on edge of the pool. Melinda fell backwards, resting her back on the warm rock behind her and she could feel his eyes roaming her naked form.

 

“Do you have any idea of how much I love you, Melinda?”

 

“Nope, you’ve never told me before.” Her eyes slid closed in the lazy post-coital bliss that always seemed to accompany their trysts.

 

She heard Phil pulling himself out of the pool right before a pair of soft lips started kissing a trail up her thighs that ended over her mouth. Her eyes stayed closed the whole time as she savored the sensations he was waking within her.

 

He settled next to her over the rock, their shoulders touching as they faced the impossibly blue sky above them.

 

“Now I get why you dragged me up this mountain.”

 

“Mmmm?”

 

“The pools, this waterfall. It’s perfect.” Melinda felt a little ashamed recalling her annoyance at the hike. This had been a truly memorable experience in every sense of the word.   

 

She heard him laugh beside her and she turned to face him.

 

“This isn’t what I wanted to show you. We have to keep climbing and I thought this would be a great place to take a break and cool down.”

 

“Wait, we have to keep hiking?” Annoyance clearly tinged her words.

 

“Just about another mile; we’ll be at our destination soon.” Melinda’s response was a deadly glare that would have terrified weaker men. His smile widened before adding, “Don’t tell me the legendary Melinda May is backing out of a little hike?” She always knew he had little regard for his own life, but she didn’t think he’d go as far as having a deathwish.

 

Within seconds she had propelled herself over him, straddling his chest and holding his arms above his head as she bent down to whisper in his ear, “You are going pay for that, _Phillip_.” His only response was to lift his head to press kisses along her jaw, prolonging his life a little longer in the process.

 

“C’mon, we need to get moving if we want to have some daylight left for the hike down,” he said, freeing his hands and beginning to lift his torso, along with her, from the rock. Taking the clue, Melinda got off of his chest and walked away from him and toward their clothes; his were folded neatly and hers strewn about. She could feel his gaze on her ass, so she exaggerated her movements, swaying her hips provocatively with each step and bending over very slowly to pick up each item. The low moan she heard behind her confirming that he was indeed watching her.

  


* * *

  


It took all his inner strength to watch Melinda walk away from him and allow her to put her clothes back on. How he wished they could stay at the pools a bit longer. But no, they really had to get moving if they wanted to make it down before sundown. Taking a deep breath, he bent to pick up his pants and noticed that his hands were shaking slightly. He was nervous, but he knew he would be.

 

It didn’t help that Melinda had been regarding him with suspicion during the whole hike. He understood why--this was something somewhat out of character for him, but he hoped she’d soon understand everything. His breath hitched, _but what if she didn’t?_ He closed his eyes and tried to push the thought away. They had come so far, he was determined to go all the way.

 

Soon they were back in the woods, making their way to the overgrown trail. The springs were about half a mile east of the hiking trail they were taking, and he doubted any of the islands’ visitors had ever gone off the path exploring like he had. After many years of coming here, he found that he knew this part of the island like the back of his hand. He was fully aware that there was a quicker way to arrive at their destination, but he needed both the extra time and the extra courage that stopping at the springs bought him. _And Melinda seemed to really enjoy herself_ , he thought with a smile as he replayed the last hour in his mind.

 

He led them through the forest, both walking in companionable silence. His thoughts were in disarray, his heart pounding in his chest as he pondered what his future would bring. Crossing any new line with Melinda always signified terrible risks and immeasurable rewards; he had gotten lucky once, and he really hoped he got lucky again.

 

As he reached a mossy rock with a white blaze and an arrow painted on it, he knew they were close. Their path began to steadily narrow as they neared a massive rock that was at least twenty feet tall. Stopping in front of the boulder, Phil turned to Melinda and saw her staring straight at him with impassive eyes. He could tell she was annoyed, but she was still giving him a chance to do what he wanted to do, and for that he was grateful.

 

“Uh, we are almost there. Just need to climb,” he turned and pointed to the boulder, “that rock.” He felt a little ridiculous in that moment. It was the first time he brought anyone up here and although he knew it would all make sense in a moment, he still felt like he needed to explain himself now.

 

Phil began climbing, careful to hold on to the hand and foot holds he knew from memory. His arms and legs were tired from the hike and the swim, but he was eager to get to the top. Once at his destination, he began to dig in his bag for a rope for Melinda.

 

Seeing what he was doing, she rolled her eyes and walked up to the rock. Within seconds, she had grabbed a handhold and was propelling herself up almost effortlessly. Her movements were graceful and fluid. When she reached the top of the rock, her features softened. Phil gently grabbed her arm and carefully brought her to sit down near the western edge of the rock.

 

They were surrounded by an uninterrupted view of the sky above, the island below, and the ocean all around. The impossibly green vegetation of the forest came to an abrupt halt at the white line of the beach, the contrast exaggerated by the distance. Phil had been here dozens of times but this view still took his breath away every time he reached the top. Sitting there, sensing a connection with everything around him was as spiritual an experience as he had ever felt.

 

Now he was sharing that feeling with the woman who meant everything to him. The one he wanted to share the rest of his life with. Glancing in her direction he saw looking around her in awe and he was certain that she understood why he _had_ to bring her there. He reached out to her, grasping her left hand in both of his and caressing it. Her touch had never ceased to be electrifying to him--the last nine months had done nothing to diminish the jolt that he felt every time their bodies were in contact--but holding her hand up _there_ , was moving in ways he hadn’t predicted. Melinda was looking at their joined hands, her eyes soft and her lips slightly parted. She looked around them once more and then brought her gaze to his, making his heart flutter.

 

This was it. He couldn’t imagine a more perfect time to do it.

 

He took a deep breath and tried to pry one of his hands away from her to reach into his bag. As he did so, Melinda’s right hand came to rest on top of his, stopping him in his tracks. Her gaze was soft, and he was reminded of the day she walked into the base; there was boundless affection in the rich depths of the eyes he fell in love with all those decades ago. Lost in that abyss, he didn’t immediately notice the cold metal wedged between her palm and the top of his hand, but when he did, his heart almost stopped.

 

“Phil,” she began uncertainly, her voice wavering slightly, “in our lives there’s never a right time for anything--never has been. But sitting up here, sharing this moment, I realize that this is probably the best time to ask if you…” Phil was as nervous as she looked, his heart almost beating out of his chest. Her voice softened to almost a whisper before she tried again, “Phillip J. Coulson, will you marry me?”

 

Melinda lifted her hand from his to uncover a silver-colored band resting on top of his right hand. Phil glanced briefly down at the ring, suddenly speechless. The words he had penned and practiced for this occasion were long gone, leaving behind and incoherent trail of thoughts and feelings swirling around his brain. After a few seconds of complete stupefaction, he sprang into action, much to her confusion. He thought he saw a pained expression pass over her features as he carefully removed his left hand from underneath hers, careful to keep the ring sitting on top of his right. Reaching back, he pulled his backpack close and stuck his hand in the main compartment, digging around for a few seconds until pulled out a small velvet box.

 

When she saw the box, Melinda let out a breathy laugh.

 

“So is that a yes?” Was his delayed response.

 

Instead of answering, she pulled him close for a kiss that sealed their fates forever. After breaking for air, Phil picked up the ring that was sitting on top of his hand. It was a beautiful white gold band with a pattern of celtic knots etched on the outside. Upon closer inspection, he noticed that two simple words were etched on the inside: _Follow me._

 

He did and he would forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading my first fic! It's been a wild ride and I've enjoyed hearing from you throughout this process! Your kind comments have pushed me to continue working on this fic that was born out of a crazy idea I had during the hiatus. I really appreciate those of you who've commented on every chapter, those of you who've reblogged this fic on tumblr (with those killer tags!), those of you who've expressed your opinion on twitter, and those of you who have read silently all this time. I am truly grateful to all of you for reading! Please let me know your thoughts now that the fic is over! 
> 
> I will be writing a companion fic with a certain important ceremony... but that will come later. 
> 
> Last by not least, a HUGE thank you to my wonderful friend and beta, Elle_you_oh, without whom this fic wouldn't exist. She's been with me every step of the way and has been a huge help throughout the process. You rock, Elle!


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